Went through our finances and we're fucked.

OP have you looked at Stepchange? I had over £20k debt. I used to be ashamed to own up to this. But I paid it all off through Stepchange at a very small amount a month because I literally had no money. Not even a quarter of what you have coming in. Yes it took me a long time. I have been debt free now for 2 years almost and my credit rating is back in the good category.

I was a chronic over spender but now couldn't even begin to imagine ever being like that again now. I do believe had anyone helped me pay it off etc if have ended up back at the start again.

Stepchange were fantastic and I never had an iva or anything.

I hope you get it sorted to a point you feel ok. It's an awful awful feeling but you're trying to get sorted.

They are a boiler breakdown, a washing machine breakdown, a rent increase, or an interest rate increase away from trouble. And already with debts passed to collectors.

When i felt like you, or like you sounded in the first post I called them after a recommendation from a CC after I rang and told them I couldn't pay.

Stepchange literally saved my life. And my life is much better.

And I took a week sick off work while I sorted it out. Said I'd got a virus or something. I sure did feel sick so wasn't completely untrue. Fortunately I was on decent sick pay.

Vinted is perfectly fine and doesn’t charge. Keep going with the selling OP. At least you don’t need to wait for auctions to end with eBay.

https://capuk.org/money-and-debt-advice/how-can-i-help-a-friend-who-is-in-debt#heading-94279
I don’t know if the above link is any help but you aren’t alone. 💐

Try going to a debt management company. A free one like Stepchange. They will work out a budget and either you or they can approach your debters with an affordable monthly payment. Interest will be stopped because you are on a debt management plan. It may impact your credit rating, but temporarily. Less so than bankruptcy or an IVA.

Companies have to work with you. I know someone who phoned everyone they owed, explained things were tough and offered £5 per month for a while, then increased the amount as they sorted other expenses to reduce those. Once a debt is payed off, put that payment amount towards remaining balances.
Have a thorough clear out and sell. You'll feel better too if clutter sends your head all over the place (personal experience).

Set very strict non essential spending budget and stick to it. Buy second hand, especially kids' clothes. Downgrade your cars (also may save on tax and fuel costs). Stop smoking, etc, if you do. The GP and pharmacy can help with that. See what benefits you can get, if not claiming. If you are, check they are correct. No shame if you need the help.

I have been there, it's all consuming and embarrassing, but you and your family will be okay. Friends and family support is key if you have it. Especially for mental health. And as a sounding post so you and your partner don't vent at each other.
Sending lots of luck. You've got this. Xx

Sorry for the book!!

Contact Christians against Poverty, CAP. You do not need to be a Christian. They will negotiate with your creditors and draw you up a budget

@WoosMama13 your post is brilliant advice. Thats exactly what I've done over the last five years and other than the Ccjs on my credit file I'm debt free.
I'm also divorced though because my ex wife wouldn't make the changes to pay off our debts because she believes life is for living.

True though. What was the loan for?

I have been in similar situation. It is fixable but you have to get absolutely focused on it. Try and get obsessed with checking finances - it will help. First off - although your main focus is to reduce expenditure mh biggest bit of advice is to get a life and critical illness policy for you both. Yes it is more expenditure . But if the worst should happen it is money well spent. Cancer happened to me after i had fixed our finances and I would have been double in the trouble without that policy. Go through a decent broker we used MortgageKey.
Secondly- every penny needs to be accounted for AND you must focus on everything you can do to cut interest and charges.

For example - your current council tx year is a priority. If you don’t pay up you’ll get a surcharge plus the associated costs in sending it onto debt management. Don’t worry about how long the ctax debt will take to pay off as it’s interest free - pay off what you’ve agreed on a monthly basis, remember the end game means you will have more monthly money eventually once the debt is paid off.

energy bills- do what you can to reduce them and keep paying thiabyeara whilst slowly paying off previous years. Stick to the payment plan and the debt will eventually take care of itself. Take meter readings every week. Don’t use a tumble drier. Drink water instead of tea where you can - healthier and less boiling of the kettle which eats energy.

thridly - you need a spreadsheet which has total debt and shows how much you are reducing it by every month.

19 year olds contribution should be going into a savings account for him. Sorry - but you’re not currently able to provide anything to help with education or anything else major so put that money aside for him. It will currently only contribute to your overspend and you will feel better.

is there anything you pay for eg cleaner, Gardner that your kids could do instead? If so pass those jobs onto them and again pay them. It keeps the money in your family and gives you less stress knowing there is additional money coming in. Or task them with selling somw of your stuff and they get 20-50% commission on anythjng they sell.

can you get a better paid job? Though I suspect any income would be swallowed up quickly. This is about taking control of your finances.

you CaN do it. My figures were similar and once I started looking at the bank accounts DAILY we were able to sort it .it’s all about focus and control.

if there’s any of the debts that are smaller then focus on paying them off first - it will give you a boost. Sign up to MoneySavingExpert expert forum they have threads of people in similar situations with lots of ideas. Also they give you free access to a monthly credit check and you should ve checking it monthly. Also Credit Karma. It will be depressing at first but eventually you will see progress and it will help you keep going.

allocate a small amount of money each month for treats but try and find things you can do for free. ExpanDing your lifestyle not reducing it but concentrating on what you can do for free also makes you feel you are gaining not losing. Though you should also try and budget an amount towards a holiday as holidays are the kind of things that get put on a credit card with no means of paying off and then that’s where debt comes from.

do you actually need the car? Or can you trade in for a cheaper vehicle?

anythjng at all that you do or spend to keep up with your friends or neighbours - it has to go. Honest with yourself is important here.

How much is your monthly rent?

There’s a Facebook page called Beat the bailiffs. They can give you advice about the loans on your spreadsheet.

it is completely reasonable to use your sons' £160 a month contribution towards the household expenses that is what it is for, his food the electric water as well as wifi I would hope he is paying for his own phone and any subscriptions like netflix too etc I agree it is a reasonable sum as he is not always there. Do not listen to people suggesting you should save it for him later, that is for wealthy people who don't actually need people to pay their way. he is working so it is fair he pays. if you were claiming any benefit the DWP would expect an adult child to be paying their way

Im with cottagecheese on this one - 160 a month is not a huge contribution for a working 19 year old who is getting board, household expenses, food etc for this amount. Hopefully the parental subsidy that allows him to live this cheaply every month also gives him the chance to save from his wages, to fund his education and future. He would certainly be paying more in a rental or flat share. It would be lovely if OP could save it for him and present him with it but that doesnt seem in any way tenable in her situation, and

Have a look at Simple Life. They have loads of homes around the country and accept top up UC etc and take on families with low income etc.

We're in similar situation to you and we've got a spreadsheet of all our outgoings etc and chipping away at the debt. Don't lose hope.

100% vinted. I've sold so much stuff. It gives you tips on how much other people are listing their items for when you add something to sell to give you an idea. Buyer pays for postage so you don't have to worry about it.
Also does your local area have a fb selling group? I've sold a lot on the local fb to me and I know others do too.

CAP is very good. They sorted my parents out of debt.

The Vinted suggestions are interesting. I haven't had any luck selling a single thing on there - I've had some ridiculously low offers which I turned down as I find I get a much better price on eBay, even after deducting selling fees.

My eBay selling page tells me I've managed to flog almost 6000 items on there in the 20 years since I joined, totalling 70k - mostly clothes, baby & toddler stuff and furniture which I no longer need. eBay's definitely worth a shot.

Hey ClusterFukt - just wondering how you are getting on and hoping very much that you are getting some control over things and the stress symptoms are improving. Wishing you well, you can get through this.

It sounds like psychological problems are the biggest issue - the inability to work much, ADHD, being chronic over spenders. If you could just change how you behave, work full time 9 - 5 in the week and hten each take a full day at weekends for a second job too and perhaps take in a lodger or one of you work abroad for a bit to raise money even if it is something like on an oil rig or cruise ship or for accommodation you think laterally eg some places will let you be a Guardian of an empty property - plenty of ways to skin a cat if you force yourself to do things you don't like and spend very very very little indeed. Good luck.

I don’t understand recommending an iva, it’s a terrible idea. A debt management plan would not stop you getting a mortgage from a high street lender in the future but Iva and bankruptcies almost certainly would. Talk to step change about a debt management plan if you can’t afford to clear the debts currently. You can arrange a monthly amount to suit your circumstances.

You've done amazingly well. It takes a lot of balls to face up to things and make changes. Well done.

So pleased you can see the way ahead now @ClusterFukt and are feeling much more positive about things. You can do this. All the Best to you

Well done @ClusterFukt I'm with you all the way. And once you're out of it, you'll be so brilliant at budgeting that deposit for the house will be your hands so quickly!

Keep going xxx