Went through our finances and we're fucked.

Correcting myself:

Pay off the debt with the highest interest rate first. This might not be the largest debt. The higher the interest rate, the faster the debt will grow if you don't repay it.

That's not accurate for you because one of your debts is much bigger than the others. You need to figure out which debt is increasing the most in absolute terms, not relative terms.

If all your debts were around the same amount, then yes, it would be the one with the highest interest rate.

I'll see if I can find an interest forecasting tool online.

Have you been in touch with 'stepchange'? They may be able to help you

It sounds a small thing but they always are small steps that get you out of debt. Have you a bank account like Monza, starling when you can put your spending money. The app then helps you track exactly what you are spending. Your incomes are good so you should be in a position there to pull back on unnecessary spending habits.

https://ncalculators.com/credit-debt/debt-reduction-calculator.htm

https://ncalculators.com/credit-debt/credit-card-payoff-calculator.htm

Use these tools to help you calculate which debts will cost you the most in interest so you can prioritise those first with any overpayments.

Can you look at a second job? Babysitting is a good one. Pays well. It isn't tiring, kids are asleep while you watch tv. You can be available as and when, and it's evening and weekends. You're already doing something early years related?

Martin Lewis website has a template letter that you can send to your creditors asking them to stop interest and charges and to agree a payment plan.

I did this when I had £20k debt as a single parent in 2013 and a NMW job. I paid it all off in 5yrs.

You can do this. The hardest part is facing it, working out how much you owe and contacting your creditors. The weight off your mind alone will be worth it.

I am a broker

You have a high income so this is fixable if you can get a handle on it

Dmp's are better than iva's or bankruptcy mortgage wise however owning is not everything.

Sit down and write a reasonable budget allowing for treats. Its a bit like a diet - go too strict and you will binge.

If you need to go somewhere like stepchange then do it and get things manageable

Money is not everything and this is fixable. You are your kids world and without you they really would be fucked.

I can’t offer detailed advice because I’m not in the UK and don’t even understand a lot of the stuff you mentioned! But you can definitely do this!! I’ve known loads of people in similar circumstances. They’ve done many of the suggested things here such as see where your money goes, then cut out the unnecessary stuff. Take credit cards off Amazon so there’ll be no “easy” shopping. In fact not using credit cards at all is the recommendation. There’s a financial guy here who recommends the “snowball” method to debt reduction. Essentially continue to pay what you have to on your various debts, but pick the smallest debt you have and use any extra money you can muster up to throw at this one debt. When you get it paid, pick the next smallest and do the same thing, using the money you’re now not paying on the last small debt and snowballing it into the next one up. The thinking behind this method is that every small win is a mental win and will keep you incentivized to keep going. Also, even though you don’t want to waste money on take out etc, do try and plan for a small treat every couple of weeks or so, a cup of coffee out with your DH, or a glass of wine. It’s hard to keep going if it feels like the deprivation is never ending. Hang in there!

The positive of going to a charity like Stepchange is that you and your husband will acknowledge the problem and the solutions out loud, together, with and in front of another person. This can be incredibly powerful in helping you to work together as a team.

It might be worth doing just for the psychological effect.

You have got this.

Please ensure you don't talk like that in front of your children.

You're definitely on the right path by identifying you have a spending problem. Have you any local services that you can speak to about your overspending if you feel it’s unmanageable, likely free but maybe a waiting list?

I would definitely second Vinted for selling bits. You’ll be surprised how easy it is to make some extra money. But don’t get sucked into spending more than you make!

Rather than upsetting your older two with the truth, could you soften it slightly by explaining your desires to have your own home and unfortunately that means cutting back a bit on the luxuries this year (including Christmas).

It feels like you’re stuck in a hole at the moment but you’ll definitely get out quicker than you think if you knuckle down and try and avoid some unnecessary spending.
I’ve found online food shopping saves us some money each week because it avoids any temptations of unwanted bits and can also look in the cupboards to see what we actually need. Most shops do Aldi price match which I think is similar to lidl.

Good luck 💪🏼💪🏼

I'm sorry but you've only got yourself to blame is you overspend. We can't all have what we want right here right now. You have a really good income. FWIW I have ADHD and struggle to find suitable and stable employment. You cut your coat according to your cloth.

What is CT debt? Not corporate tax, presumably.

I thought there were rules with the police and debt?

OK OP you know you have a problem.

Get advice, there is free advice out there, don't consider any sort of bankrupcy / IVA until you have done that.

Contact all the credit card companies and tell them you are in trubble. I ran one up due to DWP not paying me properly for years and when I contacted them they closed the account and I pay £1 a month.

Your esentials are rent, utilities, council tax, food.

Do you need the car?

You need to not think, "I have to pay X, Y, Z" you need to think, "after the essentials how much do I have left?"

You can get a expenses sheet from the CAB.

I'm autistic and even I can see that that is an inappropriate and counterproductive response.

When someone expresses suicidal ideations, you do not stick the knife in and twist. OP came here in despair and there's an implied cry for help in her post. I don't see any help in what you've written.

You are not fucked and not barred from a future mortgage although you're a long way away as you need to get out of debt, stop overspending, learn to budget and save a deposit.

Chances are that if you press the nuclear 'formal debt management solution' button now, by the time all the bad information drops off your credit file in 6 years time, you'll have got out of debt and saved a deposit. What you don't want to do is carry on as you are as you're probably spending thousands on interest and making little progress.

Another option that's not been mentioned is that your DH might be able to get help via the police federation, money troubles will probably be quite common in the police due to the pay being insufficient for those living in high cost areas. But I'm not sure if there are rules about police officers being in bad debt due to risk of corruption so definitely look into that.

But look at moneysavingexpert.com for advice on setting a sustainable budget to coverall your essential costs including saving up for annual and irregular expenses, stopping overspending and taking the appropriate solution to your debts.

Put worries about getting another rental property aside for now. If you can demonstrate you've always paid your rent on time and you're a key worker household with secure incomes that also works in your favour.

Your outgoings are more than your income. The debt is quite big in comparison to your income. Why do you have so much debt. Pay day loans are wicked. They should be banned.

Council tax.

Another vote for selling on Vinted. I've made £70+ in two weeks.

Definitely get selling stuff, it sounds like you have a lot and have a bit of a spending problem to address but admitting it is a very good start.

@ClusterFukt definitely take a look at the debtfreewannabee board on moneysavingexpert.com. There you will find non judgemental support from others who have been in your situation, together with lots of practical and helpful advice. Be prepared to provide details (anonymously) of everything related to finances. There are some amazing stories of people in much worse positions than yourself who have turned their lives around. You will then be in a really good position to provide guidance to your children so they don’t make the same mistakes. Good luck - you can do this!

Unless you've got a time machine up your arse I fail to see how pointing that fact out helps the op with ideas how to change the situation as it is today.

It does sound like the debt is from living above your means which means that you can tackle it with a lot of willpower rather than if it had been from living expenses you have to have. Get on the MSE websites PPs have recommended for some support with similar people

Once your partner is out of probation he can do overtime shifts. I do that job and due to major issues with the house to pay for i have done a minimum of 4 extra shifts a month for the last 2 years. He will need to be useful and offer to do shifts others dont want eg saturday nights. There 100 % is always overtime due to sickness etc he will just have to look, offer and not be fussy.

You have made the first step of realising and wanting to address it.
It is bloody hard and intimidating but hiding doesn't make it go away definitely speak to citizens advice and step change especially with the ccj etc. You can do financial orders on just you if most of the credit is solely in your name but you really need expert advice.

I have been there had over 15k debt and it took a few years of being frugal but it all got paid off and we are pretty good now. We still live reasonably cheaply as a result which means spare money for savings.
You need to look at everything including mobile phone contracts when are yours due to end can you switch to sim only (they are about £10 a month.)
Christmas vinted is great for stuff or Facebook market place but just be honest.