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Original poster

Husband has hid HUGE debts!!!

369 replies

Pixiedust70 · 11/10/2026 21:58

I've been married 18 years, and have 2 teenagers. I feel so sick right now, I don't know what to do. I knew he had debt as we renovated a house we bought 4 years ago, but he earns a good wage and I trusted him to manage it. We had no debt moving in here, so in 4 years he's ran up £116,000 in debt. I never thought it was possible to even get that amount of debt. I'm so upset, I don't even know how I feel, I'm just numb. I have lost all trust in him, I'm also a childminder, so if the house goes, so does my job. I'll have nothing 😞
I suppose I just want an outsider perspective because I can't speak to my friends as it's too embarrassing

OP posts:
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CanadianJohn2 · 14/10/2026 16:25

BountifulPantry · 14/10/2026 07:38

But you knew what you’d spent the money on.

The primary issues here are OP has no clue where this money has gone. And her husband has hidden it.

Show quote history

I - repeat "I" - knew what I had spent the money on, but my wife had no idea. I always kept my investment finances separate from household money. By budgeting and reining in my spending, I was able to pay off the debt without worrying my wife.

3luckystars · 15/10/2026 07:49

Can you get someone to help you get the truth? Like a forensic accountant?

you need answers or it will happen again x x

I totally understand what you are going though. I have been there x x

3luckystars · 15/10/2026 07:52

It’s called financial infidelity.

Does your husband have an Employee Assistance Program? They give financial advice and also counselling. You can use it too. It’s free and totally confidential.

You can get through this but everything will have to be out in the open. The trust is gone and you will have to have systems in place for the rest of your life if you want to stay with him.

Badbadbunny · 15/10/2026 10:14

3luckystars · 15/10/2026 07:49

Can you get someone to help you get the truth? Like a forensic accountant?

you need answers or it will happen again x x

I totally understand what you are going though. I have been there x x

Why spend money on someone else to go through the bank statements etc?

The OP needs to INSIST on her DH providing everything for the last few years, nothing missing or held back, and then she'll be able to see where the money's gone.

If her DH won't give her that information, he won't give it to anyone else either.

The ONLY way for any future in the marriage is for DH to finally be open and honest. If he can't do that, then the marriage is over.

iamnotalemon · 15/10/2026 11:38

You said he works away, could he be spending more and ‘living the life’ while he’s away? I would definitely be asking for the bank statements and proof that the debts aren’t secured on the house.

Boomer55 · 15/10/2026 12:02

If it was for home renovation, then can you move it to a second mortgage? It’s a joint thing.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 15/10/2026 12:54

as @unicornsandstardust said
"There's also no reason he can't provide you with the information now, he's had to provide it to the debt place he's contacted. "

Tell him you can't wait and he sends you what he sent the debt place now.. plus bank statements and log ins.

Also... If you want to know more about the bikes, you can up load pictures to Google and it will come back with make, model, value, even where to sell. If there's other stuff he's talking about selling I'd do the same to that. So he can't fob you off saying something can be sold for £5k when its only worth £500

Also. if you have anything valuable move it to your family safe keeping. As well as important docs that can be used to set up or apply for new accounts in your name.

Change your all your passwords, phone, wifi, pc, etc and move your own money to safer accounts.

Sorry you ahve to go through this @Pixiedust70 but its better to have provable facts so you can decide how to dig your way out of this predicament

Original poster
Pixiedust70 · 15/10/2026 20:12

It's gambling 😔 He finally told me about it after giving him an ultimatum. He's been on all these sites that are all over Facebook winning cars etc. He even won a couple of times and put the majority of the winnings back in. He got carried away he said and started trying to win his way out of the debt. He says he's determined to pay it all off and he's blocked the sites. I actually don't think I care 😞 I think I'm done

OP posts:
KimberleyMilkado · 15/10/2026 20:16

I’m so sorry. I don’t think I could come back from this, it’s too extreme.

GoldenRayOfSun · 15/10/2026 20:19

I’m not surprised it’s gambling. He’s probably addicted and your finances will never be safe with him again.

I’m so sorry this has happened to you.

RandomMess · 15/10/2026 20:23

I’m not surprised either and he’s an addict sadly.

changeme4this · 15/10/2026 20:40

It’s a hard addiction to get back out of. I worked with a chap who did similar. His superannuation allowed him to draw down a lump sum to pay down the debt and his wife put the house into her name.

i hear later he had forged her signature on loan documents and did it all over again.

does DH have a reasonable amount in his super plan to draw it down under hardship to pay off his debt?

GalaDinner · 15/10/2026 20:42

What an idiot. I'm sorry.

Original poster
Pixiedust70 · 15/10/2026 20:56

changeme4this · 15/10/2026 20:40

It’s a hard addiction to get back out of. I worked with a chap who did similar. His superannuation allowed him to draw down a lump sum to pay down the debt and his wife put the house into her name.

i hear later he had forged her signature on loan documents and did it all over again.

does DH have a reasonable amount in his super plan to draw it down under hardship to pay off his debt?

Im not sure if this would be an option, he does have a large pension pot, but I don't think you can get anything till you turn 57.

OP posts:
cartagenagina · 15/10/2026 21:04

I think you need to separate your finances from him legally, you simply won’t ever be able to trust him.

TeaCupTinsel · 15/10/2026 21:09

I am so sorry this is the case. I'd been seeking legal advice immediately and doing what you can to protect your assets and not get dragged down with him.

He needs to seek help for his gambling addiction immediately and I don't blame you for wanting to end it, the deceit and sheer amount of money is sickening. I hope you're ok (in as much as you can be.)

RandomMess · 15/10/2026 21:11

BIL gambled SILs house twice

susiedaisy1912 · 15/10/2026 21:12

What a horrible shock op. I feel for you. He’s ruined everything for his family and lost the trust and respect you had for him I would imagine. Time to get angry and put an end to this madness. If it were me divorce would be the only option. He has a massive problem and can’t be trusted not to do it again.

Maplelady · 15/10/2026 21:19

I’m so sorry this has happened to you. I recently ended a 5 year relationship with a man who earned fantastic money, but was knocking on 50 with nothing to show for it except a nice car.

His sister messaged me and said that he’s never had any money despite working in highly paid corporate jobs. She’s sure he has a gambling addiction.

I feel as if though he’s been deceiving me for our entire relationship. I was always pretty open about my finances and he was defensive and secretive. It all makes sense in hindsight, but I had no idea it was gambling. I’m so pleased I’m out of the relationship, he won’t change and I can’t trust someone who does that

changeme4this · 15/10/2026 21:38

Pixiedust70 · 15/10/2026 20:56

Im not sure if this would be an option, he does have a large pension pot, but I don't think you can get anything till you turn 57.

Show quote history

There should be a hardship provision in there somewhere. They will of course want to know he won’t be able to use the funds to gamble, but as you have young children who are likely to become homeless if you sell the house, then it should fit the hardship criteria.

please seek help from a specialist to navigate the idea. It’s not easy (it’s not meant to be) but will provide you options.

in the meanwhile he needs to find something else to do with his free time on board the rig.

TFImBackIn · 15/10/2026 21:48

Pixiedust70 · 15/10/2026 20:12

It's gambling 😔 He finally told me about it after giving him an ultimatum. He's been on all these sites that are all over Facebook winning cars etc. He even won a couple of times and put the majority of the winnings back in. He got carried away he said and started trying to win his way out of the debt. He says he's determined to pay it all off and he's blocked the sites. I actually don't think I care 😞 I think I'm done

I thought it would be gambling. It's such a selfish and inconsiderate thing.

I wouldn't risk it happening again. I think if you give someone a soft landing after they've done something that's so shocking then you help perpetuate the problem.

I'd split up over this. I couldn't bear the insecurity of not knowing my own financial situation and whether I was going to lose my home.

grinandslothit · 15/10/2026 21:53

I'm so very sorry that it turned out to be gambling.
I don't think I would be able to come back from that because that is a huge amount of money he wasted. That would be the end of the relationship for me.

3luckystars · 15/10/2026 21:57

Please please please don’t ‘fix’ this for him.

resist

even if you have to sit in your hands and tape your mouth shut

don’t fix it for him

he will do it again if you do

Im so sorry. He will have to get professional help.

Original poster
Pixiedust70 · 15/10/2026 22:13

It still feels unreal. He finally sent over some paperwork and there's 7 loans!! 4 from the same company....how is this even possible! And lots of credit cards. I'm shocked and still stunned. I can't believe this is happening. What on earth do I tell the kids, sorry guys, no university for you, I'm so mad right now!

OP posts:
gardenflowergirl · 15/10/2026 22:24

Don't let him make you sell the house to use the capital to pay off his debts. Keep your money in your own accounts not a joint account. If you can , put the house in your name only then creditors can't come after your house. Make sure you do that with the house before you mention divorce or he may not agree.
Your children can get student loans for uni many students also get part time jobs.