Can I marry and still leave everything to my daughter?

[Longanddrawnout]

Hi.

Need some advice. Currently engaged to a lovely man. I am main breadwinner (by far). I have a decent pension and savings.

I am putting off marrying him because I am worried in the event of my death or divorce he would be able to claim these things or half at least.

He wasn’t around while I was working hard to be on this position so don’t want him to benefit. I want my lovely DD to have it all (what’s left after Iv used it 😉)

How do I get round this?

Obviously DP is excited about marriage and talk of this always puts a bit of a downer on it

The only circumstance where a spouse will definitely get some (if not all) of your estate when you die is if you die intestate ie without a Will. So maybe make a Will leaving everything to your daughter. But tell him you are doing this. And think about what this might mean to his housing situation at the very least. Alternatively don’t marry him and everything does to your daughter automatically.

Divorce is an entirely different kettle of fish but again if you are not married his rights are far fewer.

Sounds like you have some important conversations to have.

Do you need to get married?

I wouldn’t get married in these circumstances to be honest.

If that whole situation is a strong fear then it sounds like marrying isn't worth it?

It wouldn't leave you anymore financially secure, possibly the opposite?

But if you make a will leaving everything you own to your daughter she'd get it. But you're right if you divorced your H could get something off you.

Do not get married under any circumstances.

Sorry if this is a stupid question but why are you getting married? It’s basically just a financial contract but in your position it strikes me you have everything to lose but nothing to gain.

Where do you live ?
That will have a bearing on things .
@VanCleefArpels this would not be the case in Scotland as a spouse has automatic rights to inherit up to a certain value .
There is no easy way round that .
You cannot designate to your DC instead of a spouse .

OP I agree 100 % with @Upthenorth and wouldn’t consider getting remarried ever in your situation ( same as mine )

I’m a high earner and have assets that I worked long and hard for to share with my DC .

Vegas wedding? They're not actually real but he doesn't need to know that...

It’s such a tricky one as we have a wonderful relationship and he is genuinely brilliant. I wouldn’t want to see him without but equally, I do not want him to benefit from me in divorce or death. I worked hard for me and DD (single parent for many years).

Marriage is very important to DP. He would be very upset if I took it off the table

Because of what I asked and said or in general?

genuine question

Mmm yes if I was in his shoes I’d been very keen on getting married too…

I’m in England

Existing wills are invalidated on marriage so you would either need to get married and make a will or I think you can make a will on contemplation of marriage which would remain valid but you would need to speak to a solicitor about that

Because he had everything to gain and you have everything to lose

In your situation I absolutely would not marry.

Do you live together now? How long have you been together and what ages?

I would seek legal advice as you have to consider that marriages have a high failure rate so there is a risk. What would happen if you were incapacitated, would he have power of attorney or would that be your daughter?

You have to play out various scenarios. Realistically not marrying is the best route to take and if your daughter is an adult leaving it to her.

Any will you make becomes invalid after marriage, in England and Wales.

I think you need to get legal advice before contemplating marriage.

We had another thread similar to this but yes don't get married, its the easiest way to protect your assets and if no one is being a sahp then its really nit necessary.

lol I have thought this too.

however he is due to inherit quite a bit of one and property from his parents (only child) so he will be in a decent financial situation in years to come, he also has a child (we have none together).

i think the fact I worked hard and made hard decisions to be in the situation I am, makes me more protective over what I have

Tell him of your plans and see if he is still as keen to get married. Tbh I wouldn’t and am not getting married for similar reasons although love dp very much. I’ve been burnt by men and money before

getting married will be complicated and create a whole lot of paperwork and you could potentially lose control over some of your finances (ie if he needed a care home for whatever reason). There are other options - trusts etc but it’s so complicated. You earned your autonomy raising your daughter single handedly. Don’t give it away.

Of course he wants to marry you.

If he loves you he will stay with you.

The fact he is so keen to get married and you clearly have a lot at stake would make me question his motives to be honest.

As lovely as you think he is it sounds like he has got himself quite a catch. Of course he wants to get married to you!
Protect your assets and your daughter’s inheritance and don’t marry him.
Imagine if you died then your daughter had to fight him for this and that. It’s possible and not worth taking a chance over imo.

Yes you can (i have done it in my will) but you need it drawn up properly to disinherit him if he becomes your husband.

There is quite specific wording that is needed to do it.

You cam also have a prenup drawn up. Not fully legally binding in england but does show a precedent in rhe even of your will being contested by him.