Can I marry and still leave everything to my daughter?

[Longanddrawnout]

Hi.

Need some advice. Currently engaged to a lovely man. I am main breadwinner (by far). I have a decent pension and savings.

I am putting off marrying him because I am worried in the event of my death or divorce he would be able to claim these things or half at least.

He wasn’t around while I was working hard to be on this position so don’t want him to benefit. I want my lovely DD to have it all (what’s left after Iv used it 😉)

How do I get round this?

Obviously DP is excited about marriage and talk of this always puts a bit of a downer on it

I wouldn't get married until your finances are more balanced. If he is living in your house does that give him a chance to put more money int his savings?

Do you have the same attitude to money generally?

What is his pension? If you are still together in 30 years' time will you be supporting both of you on your pensions?

Honestly I wouldn’t get married, of course it’s important for him it’s how he gains half a house! You need to talk this through before you consider this, things like house being in her name now or some sort of trust. go and see a solicitor and talk to them about how to protect her assets in the case of your marriage/divorce or death. How would the marriage actually benefit you?

It doesn’t matter how robust the will is if there’s statute law that says it can be ignored. Which there is.

If I were a certain type of person and I were a spouse married to someone who thought he could leave me nothing, I’d let him think that - it means he wouldn’t do anything other than the will to prevent his money going to me. Statute and a lawyer on speed dial would make sure I got a nice chunk of the estate.

It’s not the late life spouses who raise being in the will you need to look out for, it’s the ones who smile and nod and say nothing when they are told they are getting nothing. Chances are they know their spouse is a fool who doesn’t understand the law.

My friend owned her own house and paid for everything.
Her boyfriend was a musician and paid her some groceries every now and again. He got sick and moved in and they got engaged she wasn’t sure about marriage and kept putting it off her wanted it He recovered fully and by now they had been totally over 4 years . 2 years later she died evidence to children (adult) was that she didn’t want marriage and pressure from him to have joint account etc . Shocking and totally unexpected her boyfriend challenged the will (left to two adult children) on the basis he was a dependent. It was awful and he ended up staying for over a year rent free and bill free (paid nothing) and he had keys. They paid him off in the end but I think he got over £50K and the car. They had a good solicitor but even he said that the boyfriend could end up a huge chunk as they were living as joint couple.

I know it was such a mess! We were prepared for him to live in the house for life but he wanted the cash out of it.

Don’t get married. Have a non legal wedding on a beach if you like but no legal contract.

I'm wondering if you could have the bulk of your assets put into a trust for your daughter and yourself before you marry, removing them from the available 'pot'?

I wouldn't bother getting married at the moment. If he's desperate for a show of commitment then can't you just get engaged or dress up and have some kind of non legal commitment ceremony/blessing/celebration (I'm sure there would be something you could do). Surely he understands the position you are in and that your priority is to make sure your daughter is OK financially if anything happened to you.

If you charge him ‘a share of the bills, a low amount’, does that mean you aren’t charging him rent? Because, if so he is definitely a dependant with the amount it would cost him to house himself if he wasn’t living with you rent free.

No matter what he signs he may well be able to bring a claim. Homelessness can galvanise the mist apathetic of men.

OP, is he wanting to be a prospective Dad to your daughter, is he actively eg offering to adopt her? (In which case, maybe more to think about) Or is he more about the relationship he has with you, OP? That sounds more like a serious discussion about why you won’t be marrying him.

The only way to guarantee that you protect your assets, should you divorce or you pre-decease him, for your daughter is not to marry. Even if you have a prenup or leave everything to your daughter he could still challenge it and also the costs of this challenge would come from your estate. Sorry.

Vegas weddings are real 😂

You have to apply for a license at the court house 24hrs in advance and then record the marriage when you return to the uk by submitting your American marriage license, but they are most definitely real.

What you could do is have a wedding ceremony in the UK with a celebrant rather than a registrar, they’re not legal marriages.

Does anyone know if Vegas weddings are real?

Could you not record it when you get back from Las Vegas.

Forget to do that bit maybe?

you dont need to register a Vegas marriage in the UK for it to be legal over here and be treated in law the same as a UK legal wedding.

Well that pair of rose tinted glasses looks lovely on him, don't they? But we live in the real world, don't we?

Now, have you made an appointment to speak to a solicitor yet?

It's still a legal marriage. We collected our license from the county clerk and were married in a wedding chapel 2 hours later.
We were living in US and have since moved back to UK and never registered anything it's still a legal marriage with a certificate.

Hi
There is absolutely no way I would marry or even enter into a long term relationship with a man living in my house. I will want my house/assets to go to my sons when I die. If I’m living long term in a relationship with someone they certainly would be entitled to some of my assets n my death. I’d consider all your options very carefully. Seek legal advice as well.
Sorry to be so negative. But it’s dangerous ground to be walking on.

I agree with this.

Divorce happens, death happens, the nicest people sometimes change and become self-serving. Marriage isn’t a romantic thing it’s an important legal contract. Your DP is intelligent enough to know this I’m sure.

Talk it over with a solicitor.

Have you taken any legal advice on this? There are definitely ways for your inheritance to go to whoever you wish but only a qualified professional can help.

Id book yourself an appointment with a solicitor for advice about making a will and how this would be affected if you were married and what you can do to ring fence her inheritance

things like whether he has his own house and will you move and how you would own a house jointly etc will all have a bearing on what would happen in the event of your death.

TBH though if you have a marriage and divorce - don't you often leave the marriage as you went into it, if no children (between you) are involved

Are his parents properties in Trust as otherwise they could be used in care fees and he won't inherit anything. Never rely on inheritance unless it's all been legally ringfenced

You could get a pre-nup, a deed of trust for the house and draw up a will, ensuring that the latter two are clearly drawn up in expectation of marriage. That would go a long way towards showing the courts what you both intended, especially if you exclude his inheritance from the joint pot as well as the assets you bring to the marriage. Make sure he has fully independent legal advice, and also make sure he has enough money to meet his needs (which might include leaving him some life insurance) otherwise he can still challenge. It’s not 100% watertight, but at some point you do need to decide whether you trust him and want to build a joint life together with him.

do not get married! Why do you need to ? Why risk it?

@Longanddrawnout

Just curious as to whether or not you've sought legal advice and if you've decided what to do?

PS you're under no obligation to tell us anything!