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Can I marry and still leave everything to my daughter?

287 replies

Longanddrawnout · 05/01/2026 21:08

Hi.

Need some advice. Currently engaged to a lovely man. I am main breadwinner (by far). I have a decent pension and savings.

I am putting off marrying him because I am worried in the event of my death or divorce he would be able to claim these things or half at least.

He wasn’t around while I was working hard to be on this position so don’t want him to benefit. I want my lovely DD to have it all (what’s left after Iv used it 😉)

How do I get round this?

Obviously DP is excited about marriage and talk of this always puts a bit of a downer on it

OP posts:
ViciousCurrentBun · 05/01/2026 21:38

Because if you divorce he will be able to claim 50% of everything including your pension. Any future inheritance forget it as it’s never money in the bag even if an only child.

Longanddrawnout · 05/01/2026 21:38

Cars4Gov · 05/01/2026 21:33

Do you live together now? How long have you been together and what ages?

I would seek legal advice as you have to consider that marriages have a high failure rate so there is a risk. What would happen if you were incapacitated, would he have power of attorney or would that be your daughter?

You have to play out various scenarios. Realistically not marrying is the best route to take and if your daughter is an adult leaving it to her.

I am 36 and DP is 42 my DD is 16.

we live in my house. He has no rights on paper to it. Just gives me a set amount of money each month as contribution

Been together 4 years, lived together 18months

with regards to LPA, DD has plans to move away to uni so not sure who would be best placed really

OP posts:
MrsCarson · 05/01/2026 21:38

ThejoyofNC · 05/01/2026 21:28

Vegas wedding? They're not actually real but he doesn't need to know that...

They are very real. Not sure who told you they aren't.
I wouldn't get married at all.

Teddleshon1 · 05/01/2026 21:40

I have been very happily married for 30 years and am a huge fan of the institution. However in your position I absolutely wouldn’t consider getting married. My priority would be for my chicken to inherit all of my assets on my death.

Cursula · 05/01/2026 21:41

Could you set up a family trust? Into which you could put the house? I think you need legal advice - I hate that finances skew the romantic in us, but the reality can be harsh if the worse happens.

Kayoh · 05/01/2026 21:42

Wanting to marry someone and not wanting them to benefit financially from divorce or widowerhood are incompatible positions. That is basically what marriage is. You need to pick one.

I also don't actually think it's very reasonable to marry someone but expect to not share any finances with them or support them in any way should you die - it wouldn't be fair if a man did this to a woman either. I'm genuinely wondering what is the point of marriage in your eyes?

Driftingawaynow · 05/01/2026 21:43

Teddleshon1 · 05/01/2026 21:40

I have been very happily married for 30 years and am a huge fan of the institution. However in your position I absolutely wouldn’t consider getting married. My priority would be for my chicken to inherit all of my assets on my death.

I love that you care so much for your chicken ❤️😂❤️

whiteumbrella · 05/01/2026 21:46

Woukd he agree to a non-legally binding wedding ceremony as a compromise?

Longanddrawnout · 05/01/2026 21:46

Kayoh · 05/01/2026 21:42

Wanting to marry someone and not wanting them to benefit financially from divorce or widowerhood are incompatible positions. That is basically what marriage is. You need to pick one.

I also don't actually think it's very reasonable to marry someone but expect to not share any finances with them or support them in any way should you die - it wouldn't be fair if a man did this to a woman either. I'm genuinely wondering what is the point of marriage in your eyes?

This is interesting.

iv never really thought about it before DP. I’d like to show him that commitment, conversely I suppose not follow through with it. It’s a difficult one

OP posts:
Happyjoe · 05/01/2026 21:48

I don't see why have to get married, I presume no children together? Can you not live in sin and still be very happy?

If he's upset about not getting married, it will pass. If it doesn't then he's not the right man anyway.

EmeraldRoulette · 05/01/2026 21:48

Leaving aside all the wealthy chickens - that has set me off properly 😂😂😂😂

@Longanddrawnout you need legal advice...

But to be honest, whatever they say, I wouldn't do it. It's too risky. Marriage kind of makes you one entity legally and you never know what nonsense the law is going to come up with next.

have some kind of symbolic ceremony if he needs that commitment, but your DC need your money.

TFImBackIn · 05/01/2026 21:48

What is he suggesting? I'm completely on your side, BTW. I just wonder how he's reached that age without anything, and is now hoping for an inheritance. Why hasn't he made sure he was secure?

Girlygal · 05/01/2026 21:49

Don’t get married. Of course he says marriage is important when you say you earn significantly more than him. Is he living in your house too for free? If you divorce then he’ll get half your house and chunk of money too.

Happyjoe · 05/01/2026 21:50

Longanddrawnout · 05/01/2026 21:46

This is interesting.

iv never really thought about it before DP. I’d like to show him that commitment, conversely I suppose not follow through with it. It’s a difficult one

Have a right knee's up with friends and family and get an eternity ring. Don't need to make it legal marriage to show him commitment imo.

SwedishEdith · 05/01/2026 21:51

If you're only 36, is there any possibility you will have children with him?

TheFormidableMrsC · 05/01/2026 21:51

Teddleshon1 · 05/01/2026 21:40

I have been very happily married for 30 years and am a huge fan of the institution. However in your position I absolutely wouldn’t consider getting married. My priority would be for my chicken to inherit all of my assets on my death.

If I had a chicken I’d definitely leave everything to it 🤣🤣

Talkinpeace · 05/01/2026 21:54

Get a prenup - a friend had one done for under £2000
and then wills that took the prenup into account were signed the day after the wedding.

Everybody (her, her kids, her new husband) was happy

FluffyFluffyClouds · 05/01/2026 21:55

This is why my late Mum didn't marry her partner. She went to a solicitor to talk this through and they said, "if you want to keep control of your money, don't get married".

Here's the thing. You can make a will "in contemplation of marriage" (the solicitor will know the proper wording) before you get married, leaving everything to your daughter.
But...
Your lovely DH could then get a bang on the head, have a sudden change of personality, and get a chunk in the resulting divorce. Or, make a claim against your estate for provision after you die.
If you marry without such a will and don't make one after, he gets your stuff on death and the first 300,000 or so of the money, house etc (and if he doesn't want to give your daughter her due, she'll have to sue).

If you don't marry, but then need care, the house might have to be sold sooner or later for care fees and it might end up in a battle between him wanting to stay in his own home and the LA wanting to sell the house now to get the care paid for.

It's a delicate situation because you are already engaged (which has social and emotional weight even if it has little legal consequence).

I'd say go and see a good STEP solicitor, on your own, ideally without mentioning it to daughter or fiancé first so you can think clearly about what YOU want.
The lawyer should be able to talk you through all the many, many potential scenarios (death, divorce, incapacity, going into care, and more) and come up with a solution that is, at least, close to what you want to achieve in those situations.

Remember you could, theoretically, fall out with your daughter as well as your chap...

My Mum left her partner a lifetime right to reside in her house as long as he didn't remarry, cohabit, or move out, and made him responsible for the upkeep. But that could still have been sticky if we didn't get on or he had taken the piss.

Another thing to discuss is who has PoA. You might need your finances or care managed before you die, so nail that down too.

IANAL but I was "the daughter".

Egglio · 05/01/2026 21:57

If you each have a child, then you can each leave your respective children your own individual assets. That sounds fair to me. Marriage would just complicate matters.

@Teddleshon1 I have to ask is your chicken an actual chicken or a pet name for a DC? Because now I'm wondering if I need to split my assets between DC and Dcat.

summitfever · 05/01/2026 21:58

Absolutely no way would I marry in your position. Have you been divorced before? The gloves come off and even the “nicest” of men I’ve seen turn in tk greedy, ruthless asshats. (I’m sure women can be the same but I’m talking in context)

Absokutely terrible idea OP, no need to get married at your stage at all. Keep the nice ring and engaged status.

Ponderingwindow · 05/01/2026 21:59

The point of marriage is to form a business that makes it easy to provide for your shared children and your joint financial future. You already have a child and that child is your primary financial focus. Marriage doesn’t make any sense.

You can still have a romantic relationship without asking the government to recognize the two of you as a legal entity.

ChrisMartinsKisskam · 05/01/2026 21:59

Teddleshon1 · 05/01/2026 21:40

I have been very happily married for 30 years and am a huge fan of the institution. However in your position I absolutely wouldn’t consider getting married. My priority would be for my chicken to inherit all of my assets on my death.

I hope your chicken is really grateful and lays you lots of lovely eggs 😂

CautiousLurker2 · 05/01/2026 22:01

Longanddrawnout · 05/01/2026 21:29

It’s such a tricky one as we have a wonderful relationship and he is genuinely brilliant. I wouldn’t want to see him without but equally, I do not want him to benefit from me in divorce or death. I worked hard for me and DD (single parent for many years).

Marriage is very important to DP. He would be very upset if I took it off the table

So, being a bit cynical, I would wonder whether marriage is important to DP because of your assets.

One way around it is to put as many of them as you can in a trust now, with you as a lifetime beneficiary - so your house etc, so that everything you bring with you is ring fenced for your children? The trust would still be subject to IHT or capital gains tax, but you would control who gets it when you die.

I would speak to a solicitor and a financial advisor to explore how to do this. I’d be interested to know if, once you tell DP that this is what you’re planning to do, whether marriage would be such a high priority to DP any longer.

smallsilvercloud · 05/01/2026 22:02

If you’re feeling rushed into it then don’t! Living together for 18 months isn’t long enough. My mum married quickly to a man who didn’t have assets, a Vegas wedding and unfortunately valid! he’s horribly abusive and bullied her into leaving him into the will also.
When it comes to your own home, unless a partner has put in the same amount, I wouldn’t get married and it’s wrong of him to think it’s ok.

FluffyFluffyClouds · 05/01/2026 22:02

(reads OP's further posts). Blimey you're young enough to have kids together. I'd imagined a young pensioner or something not a 36 year old!
Decades ahead in which one of you could become unable to work and need support.

SEE A SOLICITOR.