Can I marry and still leave everything to my daughter?

[Longanddrawnout]

Hi.

Need some advice. Currently engaged to a lovely man. I am main breadwinner (by far). I have a decent pension and savings.

I am putting off marrying him because I am worried in the event of my death or divorce he would be able to claim these things or half at least.

He wasn’t around while I was working hard to be on this position so don’t want him to benefit. I want my lovely DD to have it all (what’s left after Iv used it 😉)

How do I get round this?

Obviously DP is excited about marriage and talk of this always puts a bit of a downer on it

Even if you left everything in your binding will to your DD - he would be able to challenge and over turn that will as your husband as there are legal precedents that allow a wife or husband to overturn a will and effectively get what they would have gotten had you "divorced". There is no way to protect your estate from this risk to the best of my knowledge and i have seen it play out.

what a lucky chicken. 🤣 Sorry I couldn’t help myself.

My mum tells me her will is set up so that should she die before my stepdad he will have rights to the house for his life, but her share of it will be held in trust for me and my sibling, so it will eventually pass to us. To be honest I’m very close to him now, they got together when I was a teen and I while I appreciate her intent I’m not really interested at all in her money.

As I understand it on divorce each party is entitled to 50% of wealth accrued during the marriage. I’m not sure in your circumstances I’d want to marry, you just never know. If you do you must make a new will, any will made before marriage is invalid from when you marry.

Don’t get married.

I’m your daughter - reverse search my username, find the thread I started and see what happens if you die first.

What you have with him isn't a partnership. I understand that you want to protect your daughter but where is he in all this? Explain everything to him clearly. I wouldn't get married in his situation.

My late MIL was widowed young with 2 children, then married again in her 50s. Her will was very clear that the majority of her estate was to go to my DH and SIL. As she died first, the will stated that my FIL could stay in the house as long as he liked (he eventually moved to a sheltered flat) but when it was sold he did not receive any of the proceeds.
I suspected my FIL was a man on the make when he married my MIL, he had no property and a lowish paid job.

You don’t know what life is gonna throw at you…. If you couldn’t work, would he support you? If he couldn’t, would you?
I totally understand your urge to want to preserve ‘yours’ for your daughter, and if you were approaching retirement then fair enough, but there’s a whole lot of life that is likely gonna get in the way. Either you want partnership and everything that goes with that, or you don’t…

I was in a similar situation. I did get married, with a post nuptial agreement (contract after marriage). One before marriage would also be sensible, so he goes into it knowingly before the marriage - you can double up. Then a declaration of trust after marriage, giving instructions for in the event of your death.
But none of these things are water tight. I was told by my solicitor that all of the above can be contended and there is no complete guarantee he would not get the money. It is certainly safer not to get married at all, or to give your daughter some of the equity before your marriage, so he would never have a claim on it.

Personally, if it is a lot of money I wouldn’t get married (millions). If it is a reasonable amount but wouldn’t change the course of your daughter’s life, then marry with the post nuptial agreement and declaration of trust in place and hope for the best, enjoy your relationship, your wedding and your future.

Best to get proper legal advice and discuss your plans with him. There must be a way to protect assets when getting married.

Oh blimey, I thought you were all
going to be at least twenty years older. There’s no way I’d be contemplating marriage in your circumstances, at your age (and your DDs).

Remember, anyone can challenge any will - and under the Inheritance Act, he may well have a valid claim to financial support particularly if he’s earning less than you and living in your property, not able to afford his own.

Also, forget his theoretical inheritance as some sort of shield against him trying to claim any of yours - anything could happen, he doesn’t have it yet and may never get it. You, however, already have assets.

I totally agree with the PP, wanting marriage and wanting financial independence are incompatible. If you do decide to marry, then you need an experienced Estate Planning Specialist (not just a regular solicitor) to protect your daughter. Nobody wants to think the worst but anything could happen to you at any time, and she could still be a minor if and when it did and with a step father who inherited everything and has no obligation towards her. It might not be romantic but I’d be thinking ‘What is the worst case scenario that could happen?’ and plan for that.

Your DP may have an inheritance to come, but the average age at which people come into an inheritance is 61. His parents are likely to live until their 80s, maybe even into their 100s, and they may need very expensive care home fees before they die, so nothing is guaranteed. Just remove that possible potential inheritance from any future considerations. It may never happen, or you both may be so old that it will be irrelevant.

@Longanddrawnout

The only absolute guarantee is not to get married. You can marry and do all the wills and estate planning you want, but nothing will stop him from trying to get his mitts on your money and house should you die and it will cost a pretty penny for your DD (or her guardians) to fight him.

As far as divorce all bets are off the table. There would be nothing to stop him from trying to take you to the cleaners. My understanding is that pre-nups are 'considered' but not legally binding in UK divorce. Even here in my State in the US it's not completely unknown for an 'iron clad' pre-nup to be set aside under certain circumstances, and a financial 'imbalance' is one of them.

You really, really need to speak to a family law and estate planning solicitors. The former wrt divorce the latter wrt death. Only they can give you the real legal information you seek based on your own situation. Just be prepared for them to say there is no 100% guarantee.

If you do decide to go ahead with this, please name someone OTHER than him as guardian or trustee of your estate in case your DD is a minor or you wish to hold back a large inheritance until she reaches a certain age. And then be sure to update your estate plans periodically to keep up with new laws wrt spousal entitlement and DD's age.

As far as his 'inheritance', that's in the future and an unknown. His parents may need care homes. One may die and the other remarry and leave everything to a new spouse. That money is 'maybe'. Your money is 'real'. If I were your fiancé I'd be betting on the 'real' money.

Have you spoken to him about your intention of settling everything 'away' from him? If not, you need to. Because if nothing else he deserves to go into this marriage with his eyes open and the knowledge that he would be entitled to do the same if he chooses to in the event he does inherit a large sum of money.

TBH in your situation I would not marry, even if I lost the man.

I am a single parent too and there’s no way I would ever get married and risk my DC not getting what I’ve forked hard for.

Unless you have shared kids then there is no reason to get married.

What’s more important to you - your DDs inheritance or upsetting your DP/potentially being a deal breaker??

If your DP gave you an ultimatum would you get married?

I thought people who were dependent on the deceased in any way are also able to make a claim? So if OP is the breadwinner her DH would be able potentially to claim for ongoing support? Costly to challenge a will but possible?

An existing will is invalidated with marriage. You would need to make a specific will that says you do not want him to inherit and he can still challenge it.

Given your daughter’s age, I think it’s perfectly fine to marry him, but you should absolutely talk to a solicitor and get a will written after you are married. You need to be clear with your partner too, but I don’t think it’s fair to ask him to contribute financially to a house for 30 years, say, that he’ll never own any of. So there is a conversation to be had.

Marriage is something that doesn't make financially sense to you. On rhe otehr hand if your bf was asking the advice would be to get married cause it would benefit him. I'm not gonna say a man who wants to get married is a gold digger. However, up thread you mentioned the thought had occurred to you. Do you really want to he with someoen who you believe wants to marry you for money?

So rhe advice for you is to not get married and keep everythign separate. Advice to him would be to make sure he doesnt spend anything toward things that you own and to make sure he build his own portfolio. If he was one of those women who writes here daily about hiw their bf won't propose, the advice would be to either accept they don't want to marry you so we you wither accept it or move on.

Yeah you need to see a solicitor. I think a prenup would protect your assets in the event of a divorce and your will could deal with the rest, but obviously your partner would need to be cool with this.

As a single mother that found love again, I absolutely understand your instinct btw.

My DP had to sign a declaration not to have a stake in my house when I bought it when he was living with me...contributions can sometimes be argued as a stake in the property (even unmarried)...my DP was asked to take legal advice and sign to acquire no rights ...England...maybe this has changed this was 1997

OP be very very careful and have a will in place now expressing your wishes. Marriage voids any previous wills ...if you want your daughter to have your property marriage doesn't seem sensible

I’m in a similar ish position in that my partner lives in a house I own and I have two older kids and he has none - I will not be marrying him. Maybe a nice hand fasting ceremony or something if we fancy a bit of a bash but nothing legally binding as I want my house to go to the kids and them only.

The best advice is not to get married. Did he raise the issue of marriage since I note you are engaged. I would question his motives since you said you outearned him by far.

The answer is of course a pre-nup but it is not legally watertight. Have you ever broached the issue of pre-nup with him. It will be interesting to see his reaction.

You are both relatively young and your dd is already 16. So you both have quite a long ramp of married life ahead of you should you decide to get married. Pre-nups get harder to enforce the longer the marriage.

If you have to marry him, a fair arrangement would be to ringfence everything you own before marriage to your dd, to put things on a clean slat and allow you both to build a life with joint assets together going forward. However, that is a problem because you significantly outearn him.

This is a tricky one. I'd say don't marry and see what he says. Or propose a pre-nup and see how he reacts.

You can leave everything to your daughter but he could contest the will. My understanding is that whether he would be successful would depend on things like the length of the marriage and how able to provide for himself he was (without any inheritance). If you marry him your assets are marital assets even if they are in your name so he can make a claim (ie contest the will) but just like in the case of a divorce, a judge would take a view. It’s concerning that you say you are the breadwinner, that would put him in a stronger position to make a claim upon your death if you hadn’t provided for him.

My partner would really like to get married but we have only got as far as getting engaged. I won't marry him because I want to leave all my assets to my children so I don't think marriage is the way to go.

If you marry and fivirce he could be entitled to half of everything. It’s the same if you die first even with a will. He could challenge it. I think a trust would be the best way to go but you need good legal advice. If I was in your situation, I would not be looking to get married.

Do not get married. I own my home and would never do anything to risk my own or my kids financial security.