Can I marry and still leave everything to my daughter?

[Longanddrawnout]

Hi.

Need some advice. Currently engaged to a lovely man. I am main breadwinner (by far). I have a decent pension and savings.

I am putting off marrying him because I am worried in the event of my death or divorce he would be able to claim these things or half at least.

He wasn’t around while I was working hard to be on this position so don’t want him to benefit. I want my lovely DD to have it all (what’s left after Iv used it 😉)

How do I get round this?

Obviously DP is excited about marriage and talk of this always puts a bit of a downer on it

As a woman in a similar financial position to you, although not as well off, in my last relationship I made it clear that marriage was not an option. The relationship didnt end because of my stance I should add.

You became a mother young (so did I although I am 52 now) and that you have achieved all you have with all that being a young mother means, is nothing less than incredible. Of course you should protect it.

But yes you can as long as your will is made after (or in anticipation) of marriage, and makes clear that your estate is going to your child because your husband will inherit from his own family and pass it down to his child.

The only complication I can see is him living in your home, would you expect him to leave so your DD can inherit the property immediately, or he gets the right to live there until his death or he chooses to move. If he got a life interest then you need to nail down who is responsible for maintenance etc on the house.

ETA however....as the PP said....he could easily cop for a hell of a lot if you divorce, so dont do it.

This is a very very good point.

Death is actually simpler than divorce. He would get a fair wodge of all you have built up, including your home as it would be classed as a marital asset.

Dont get married.

Don’t marry, I’m in a similar situation.

also one of my parents has gone through another divorce. Parent has lost half of everything and still paying a mortgage for a house they don’t live in. I have never assumed I will inherit anything as parent has a lot of kids but now I definitely won’t as anything that should have one day passed to one or all of us kids has now been taken by a step parent of only a few years.

Has he got a property? If not, why not?

If you don't want him to benefit from any of your assets/income, take legal advice regarding your living arrangements and his contribution and don't get married.

What about his potential inheritance or any savings he has, would you expect a share on his death?

If this is a case where he has very little in savings and you do have savings and an asset and your feelings for him are such that you would not want him to inherit anything from you, it seems like you really don't care for him enough to marry him.
If you really love someone and want to marry them you wouldn't want to leave them nothing on your death! Surely you would want to ensure that he and your daughter would be financially stable after your death/
In addition, is it possible that he wants to marry you for your money?

All in all, the message is clear, don't marry him but you really don't need us to tell you that.!

No way should someone be lured into false marriage. If you’re not entering into it with mutual respect and genuine intentions to care for each other, no matter what life throws at you. Then you don’t understand what the commitment of marriage is about.

What is a "false marriage" One in which you don't get half of your new spouse's assets?

More than 30 years ago I entered into a committed marriage. It's worked out great for us. If I was single in the morning my commitment would be to my children. No one should enter into a second marriage/relationship if they have children without understanding what the commitment and duty to your children is and how a marriage might negate it.

Wouldn't bother getting married if I were you OP.

No because even if you have a valid will
leaving your estate to your daughter as a spouse he will have a strong claim for reasonable provision under the 1975 Act.

Is this how people see their spouses? I can understand if you died tomorrow but are you saying if you’re married for a lifetime and died before your husband, you won’t want him to inherit ANYTHING! Dang! People are harsh lol

Marriage in your sitiation would be nothing short of insane.

There is no benenfit to you, only loss for you and your daughter in the case of divorce/death.

If you were planning to have further dc then my advice would be different.

Some posters on this thread have been badly advised. There are no magic words you can put in a will to take away a spouses right to make a claim for reasonable provision.

I have remarried. Similar circumstances. We have a will leaving everything to the kids but partner gets life time residency rights. It provides them with protection for future housing needs but ensures the kids won’t lose out in the end. Another option would be to become tenants in common (I think) and you can agree a portion that you or he owns. you probably need a prenuptial to make sure everyone knows what’s happening in the event of a divorce. If you want to get married, do. There’s ways of protecting your kids. Just to note your pension is often more valuable than the house if you have one. My partner is full recipient of that as would need the money to help raise the kids imo. We did it as the kids adore them and would want to continue to live with them if I died rather than the other bio parent. We also set up guardianship at the same time to reflect this.

“If a woman were paying towards a home with absolutely no rights and the man refusing to marry her because they might divorce she’d be told to run for the hills!”

Depends if he’s actually contributing towards the mortgage or just paying his share of bills - utilities, food etc. in which case he’s on to a good deal and owed nothing! He should be investing his own money into his own assets.
But yes if he is paying towards the mortgage/upkeep of property etc then he should take steps to protect himself just as a woman would be advised to, ie buy in to partial ownership of the house or some alternative agreement that makes things fair and protects his contribution.
Still not a good idea to marry from the op’s perspective though if she wants her daughter to have everything. He has the choice to stay in the relationship or not, if he’s unhappy with the arrangements.

Haven’t read the full thread but it seems to me that every other day, there is a case like this. Woman has her own house, higher paying job etc. Then a fella comes along with no house of his own at 42 years old in this case, lower paying job, and very keen to move in with the woman and then get married! Never really seems to be the other way around does it?

If you want to protect your daughter do not get married.
If he objects then he is not the man for you.
Put your daughter first.

I am sure DChicken will be very grateful.

Op there are lots of things to think about.

Firstly marriage is about a legally binding agreement. Not really designed to be broken.

He needs to look after himself too. If you died tomorrow would he be rocking up at the local homeless shelter?

Do you think he'd continue to have a relationship with DD?

Are you considering other children together?

Would you consider having the house/ assets left to DD but giving him some sort of life tenancy?

You are right to protect DD in the event of your death. Because its not unknown for Spouses to take everything and step children to be completely dis-inherited.

I do think you both need to seek legal advice before you marry.

It's not just your daughter who risks losing out if things go tits up. You could lose the house that you have worked hard for if you divorce.

I wouldn't rely on a pre-nup. Spouses have rights. Spousal rights often trump pre-nups.

One of the school mums I used to chat to owned her house for around 20 years. She was with a man for 12 years, had 2 kids with him. She didn't marry him but added him to her mortgage that he had never contributed to. After adding him, he still didn't contribute and he had a complete personality transplant right after, and they split up.

I'm 42. I have been mortgage free for over a year. If I split from my husband, I will never remarry because of the money situation. I'm supposed to be inheriting my parents' houses, they both have Wills, but it's not guaranteed. My nana died last year and her house had had to be sold to pay for her care home. My parents may need to go into homes. They may sell and blow the money on cruises one day. They say they wouldn't but they could easily get a lifetime mortgage without telling me and my sister. His parents may have had an interest only mortgage for the last 40 years. It may not be guaranteed. I've never banked on it.

You need legal advice. Good luck!

To be honest I think marriage makes sense for young people building a life together sort of set up, but in your situation where you both already have property, kids, different levels of income etc marriage just seems a bit pointless and more of a risk. You’ve already clearly established that you can and will be financially stable without each other given your life before them, so yeah it does turn into a conversation where you have to see if you’re willing to share all your assets with them as opposed to your child. Personally in your situation I can’t see where you list any desire or benefit to marriage you just seem to be going along with it for the sake of it

I think this is the wrong way around. Any strong relationship can have mutual love and support, but marriage is a specific legal contract to share assets. You don't have to love someone to enter into a contract with them and you don't have to enter into a financial contract with someone to love them.

I agree that the OP shouldn't get married, but that's because she does understand the commitment of marriage - it's a legal agreement that doesn't offer many benefits to the OP and those it does are not worth the risk to her daughter's security and stability.

And fwiw, if any of my children were involved with someone who already had a child, I would expact them to understand that the child was a priority and accept that their partner needs to act in their kids' best interests wrt marriage etc.

May depend on the paperwork as some countries may not recognize a wedding on foreign soil unless certain forms are filled in. Vows may also have to be repeated in front of a celebrant at home.

Do you have a lawyer in UK that recognises living together as the same as marriage in England? In New Zealand it is 3 years unless you sign an opt out contract.

Lucky chicken Lol

Yes, one of the traditional vows included bestowing all your worldly goods.

He has a child so maybe lost a lot in a divorce.

I lost my husband unexpectedly, after 40 years marriage 2 weeks ago and you just made me laugh for the first time. 😊

No! Owner is going to provide the chicken with a lovely nest-egg! 😂