Can I marry and still leave everything to my daughter?

[Longanddrawnout]

Hi.

Need some advice. Currently engaged to a lovely man. I am main breadwinner (by far). I have a decent pension and savings.

I am putting off marrying him because I am worried in the event of my death or divorce he would be able to claim these things or half at least.

He wasn’t around while I was working hard to be on this position so don’t want him to benefit. I want my lovely DD to have it all (what’s left after Iv used it 😉)

How do I get round this?

Obviously DP is excited about marriage and talk of this always puts a bit of a downer on it

I'm not a lawyer (you probably want to post in legal), but I think even in England even if you died and left everything to your daughter he would have the legal right to challenge it as you hadn't left him fair provision as your spouse.

You can't leave him worse off in your will than he would have been had you divorced (in which case all assets would be 50/50 as a starting point).

Prenups in the UK aren't always followed by the courts. They can choose to set them aside if deemed unfair (which him having nothing and you everything would likely be).

Traditional wedding vows often include the vow "All that I am I give to you. All that I have I share with you." for a reason. You don't want to do that (not saying I don't understand why!), so why are you considering marrying him?

See a solicitor and take advice on wording of a will which leaves most to DC. Ask also about when you can put Child on your house deeds.
It is perfectly possible to arrange as you say in the OP.

There is no way I would get married either.

If you still want to in 10 years then maybe, definitely don’t do it anytime soon. There is no benefit whatsoever for you.

Not meaning to be negative but do you know any person that is married that says ‘it’s amazing, 5 stars, would highly recommend’

You need to consider a pre nup. Whilst they are not completely legal, if they are drawn up with both sides taking independent advice and both sides entering into it willingly they will almost certainly be upheld.

i would love to get married again but I also have assets I’m not willing to risk so until pre nups are watertight I’m not going to take the risk

You could put your house in trust my friend did this cost about 3k
but she has to do a twx return each year specifically for the trust and it cost about 700 via an accountant

the person you marry is not the person you divorce

personally I would tell him your putting your house and stuff in trust and he won’t benefit from it and see what his reaction is

if he kicks up a fuss you will know his ultimate intentions is to probably screw you over at some point

you seen to be a wealthy intelligent persons
dont let love and sex get in the way of being sensible

Put her child on the house deeds? Nope. If she's on the deeds, even not living there, she owns the house. So daughter wouldn't qualify for any first time buyer status benefits or have to declare it as a second home if she wanted to move house and pay higher stamp duty etc.

Why is marriage important to him? Have you asked him? If he’s religious I can understand but marriage is otherwise a peice of paper that entitles him to your hard earned assets in the event of divorce and death. Prenup and will made up after marriage could be the answer but seek legal advice. In your position I wouldn’t be getting married as that will make things difficult when inheritance is involved.

Of course you can get married. But have you discussed your financial will with him and also made one? Make a will leaving your money to whomever you desire but ensure he knows and marry because you both want to.

Marriage is for the protection of the financially weaker partner at the expense of the financially stronger. Thats very useful if childbirth and parenting has significantly impacted earning power.

Thats really not the case here.

You could indeed twist yourself into knots protecting your assets from your husband in the event of your death. It’s much less easy to successfully shelter your assets in the event of divorce, especially once your marriage is considered ‘long’ ie over ten years …

Family / discretionary trusts are complicated, with significant tax implications which you really need to inform yourself s out long before putting anything into trust.

If he decides that he doesn’t want to continue the relationship, in the event that you decide against marriage: that would tell you something, too many

I have a 13 year old chicken - she is amazeballs.

Don’t marry him @Longanddrawnout unless he brings 50/50 to the table in future. Just no. I’ve just dodged sharing my assets in divorce as ex waived his entitlement but it could’ve gone very badly wrong for me.

There could be a potential situation where his Dc ends up with some of what is rightfully your dds. You should think carefully about this.

I bet he would! What are the differences on each of your financial situations?

And a ‘child’ included in the house ownership would be at risk of loosing at least half in the event of their divorce.

If you get married then he inherits your house & money he can do what he likes & might leave a chunk to his DD (split it between the 2 girls). Equally he could remarry and it all ends up going to his new partner & your DD gets left out. There are lots of threads about this. So in your position I think I would avoid getting married. It does sound like he wants financial security. It sounds like you have worked hard.

I think this will be a headache and I can’t see any reason to marry that would be worth it.

Loving the chicken!

OP, in your shoes I'd feel the same as you. Don't get married, it'll just complicate things.

I've read all your posts....

There are no circumstances in which i'd marry.

Child > Man every day of the week.

Everyone is lovely and wonderful and kind. Until they arent.

This forums is littered with women who wake up after 20 years of marriage to find a stranger in their house. A man they dont recognise who is capable of things they never thought possible.

the only reason I would contemplate marriage would be if you wanted a child together.
However in your specific circs even if i was having a child i still wouldn't marry to protect my assets for myself primarily and secondarily for my oldest child.

I would also argue at 43 / 44 which is the age he would be if you did have a child with you... you'll both be likely unpleasantly surprised as he will probably adapt poorly (anecdotally in my social circle the first time fathers who were 40+ havent enjoyed it and are fairly "detached" miserable dads.

Skeptically....
You have loads of assets... he is a 40 something yr old able bodied man relying on mummy and daddy to leave him an inheritance.... colour me surprised he wants to get married.

The fact remains 4 in 10 marriages end in divorce.
Those are not good odds.

I cant think of one good reason to get married.

Also if you get married & then separate he will have access to your pension.

In short, yes…but seek professional assistance in setting things up.

Oh well if he might end up richer than you then definitely marry him and see if you can grab some of his assets when you divorce.
Mumsnet… ☹️

Don’t get married. Even if he agrees you can leave everything uncontested to your daughter when you die. A divorce is 50/50 you lose half.

Don’t marry him! For all the reasons others have said. If you divorced he’d get huge chunks of your daughter’s inheritance including your pension. It’s not worth it.

I would not marry a man who is not the main bread winner

I completely understand your viewpoint. However, if this is how you feel then it would be completely wrong of you to marry him. No way should someone be lured into false marriage. If you’re not entering into it with mutual respect and genuine intentions to care for each other, no matter what life throws at you. Then you don’t understand what the commitment of marriage is about.

I have elderly parents/relatives and young cousins with various horrific medical issues which no one could have foreseen. If you or your “D”P, were to suffer they way some of them are. Cruel would not even begin to describe your sentiments and the effects it could have.

You should never marry anyone, it would not be fair on them. It doesn’t mean you don’t love the person, but you’re certainly not committed to their future well being or best interests.

You come across as a well meaning person, and having managed so well as a single parent- I admire and respect your achievements. But ask yourself-
What would you say to your daughter if someone proposed to her with the same conditions?

My uncle remarried and when he died, his wife found that he'd left everything to his daughter, with the stipulation that his wife can live in the marital home till she dies or goes into care. His wife tried to dispute the will but was told not to bother as she was unlikely to win and it would cost a lot of money.