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Original poster

Can I marry and still leave everything to my daughter?

287 replies

Longanddrawnout · 05/01/2026 21:08

Hi.

Need some advice. Currently engaged to a lovely man. I am main breadwinner (by far). I have a decent pension and savings.

I am putting off marrying him because I am worried in the event of my death or divorce he would be able to claim these things or half at least.

He wasn’t around while I was working hard to be on this position so don’t want him to benefit. I want my lovely DD to have it all (what’s left after Iv used it 😉)

How do I get round this?

Obviously DP is excited about marriage and talk of this always puts a bit of a downer on it

OP posts:
tirednessbecomesme · 05/02/2026 15:40

if you marry you won’t be able to get away with leaving him £0 - he legally could challenge it under the “reasonable financial provisions” rights ….

PeoniesAreMyFavouriteFlowers · 06/02/2026 11:11

Don’t get married. Make a will leaving all to your dd. Don’t even live together. Far too risky.

Mum2Fergus · 06/02/2026 13:17

In short, yes, you can…however I’d consider it very carefully and seek proper financial/legal advice.

I was in similar situation and have will sorted in such a way that everything pre marriage goes to my son (a lot) DH only gets any accumulated post marriage (not so much).

If I had my time again I’d not marry.

Original poster
Longanddrawnout · 10/02/2026 08:42

Thank you all for all the comments.

I have decided for now that I will not be marrying (for a lot of reasons) which also make me sure that actually things can change and I am so glad I haven't married him to date.

OP posts:
AcrossthePond55 · 10/02/2026 22:15

Longanddrawnout · 10/02/2026 08:42

Thank you all for all the comments.

I have decided for now that I will not be marrying (for a lot of reasons) which also make me sure that actually things can change and I am so glad I haven't married him to date.

You have made a very, very wise decision!!

You're under no obligation to say of course, but what has his reaction to this been?

Candlestickinthediningroom · 10/02/2026 22:26

Hope you're ok @Longanddrawnout

Dietday · 11/02/2026 00:01

Hollyleaves · 07/01/2026 16:15

My friend owned her own house and paid for everything.
Her boyfriend was a musician and paid her some groceries every now and again. He got sick and moved in and they got engaged she wasn’t sure about marriage and kept putting it off her wanted it He recovered fully and by now they had been totally over 4 years . 2 years later she died evidence to children (adult) was that she didn’t want marriage and pressure from him to have joint account etc . Shocking and totally unexpected her boyfriend challenged the will (left to two adult children) on the basis he was a dependent. It was awful and he ended up staying for over a year rent free and bill free (paid nothing) and he had keys. They paid him off in the end but I think he got over £50K and the car. They had a good solicitor but even he said that the boyfriend could end up a huge chunk as they were living as joint couple.

Similar situation with my friends sister.
He was only living off her a couple of years but when she wanted him out when she found out he had cheated, he decided to make a claim against the house as he had done some gardening jobs.
She was advised to pay him off.
Absolute scum.
She had been warned about him, for wouldn't be told.
She caused huge stress for her family with the drama of it, particularly her parents.
My friend has distanced herself since, as it isn't the first time she has taken up with a user loser who is keen to move in.

Candlestickinthediningroom · 11/02/2026 07:43

@Dietday the op has updated that she won't be moving in with him.

Cars4Gov · 11/02/2026 08:14

Candlestickinthediningroom · 11/02/2026 07:43

@Dietday the op has updated that she won't be moving in with him.

Good decision by the Op. However the following antedotes might be useful for other people.

Women who give up an income or reduce hours when they have children should be married but generally if finances are very different it makes sense not to marry.

Anonimiss · 12/02/2026 14:40

Candlestickinthediningroom · 11/02/2026 07:43

@Dietday the op has updated that she won't be moving in with him.

She already lives with him - in her house.
shes just said she won’t marry him…

herefortheclicks · 12/02/2026 19:11

Longanddrawnout · 06/01/2026 08:23

Thank you all so much for the advice.

To answer a few questions, I don’t have millions in the bank, just my house, good pension, death in service (although I have nominated my daughter to receive my death in service through work, not sure how binding that is after marriage I would have to check as that is currently 6 figures), and 5 figures in savings from my own inheritance and savings etc.

We are not having any children together.

In the event I couldn’t work, he would try to support us, but it would be very very tight and would likely mean I would have to use my savings (I suppose what they are there for) and eventually sell the house if it got that bad.

I agree inheritance is not a given and I absolutely would not want or need his money should he get any.

I have spoken to him about it and he does get that I want to protect my DD but he also has a bit of a romantic view that we would never get divorced and we will die very very old people and none of this will matter.

you revived the thread...ok, so to him it won't matter that if you die before him, even in old age, your daughter gets nothing - well, this is not the romantic view I am expecting from a man.

CossyBunt · 14/02/2026 23:09

Look at what happened to Lynda Bellingham’s boys.

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