Can I marry and still leave everything to my daughter?

[Longanddrawnout]

Hi.

Need some advice. Currently engaged to a lovely man. I am main breadwinner (by far). I have a decent pension and savings.

I am putting off marrying him because I am worried in the event of my death or divorce he would be able to claim these things or half at least.

He wasn’t around while I was working hard to be on this position so don’t want him to benefit. I want my lovely DD to have it all (what’s left after Iv used it 😉)

How do I get round this?

Obviously DP is excited about marriage and talk of this always puts a bit of a downer on it

If I were you I'd make out my will so that my daughter was left everything and no-one else.

But I'd tell him first before marriage that I was doing this and it isn't up for discussion. Of course he's excited about marriage he's with you; and it couldn't be any better......
I don't want to be terrible but you may find that this could change things
Also
If you do go ahead and do marry him when making out your will to daughter, ensure that he cannot in any way through some devious little known rule appeal your cast-iron decision

You can't marry and leave everything to your dd. He'd have a claim to at least part of your estate.

My will leaves all my assets to my children. I did this via the CoOp will writing service which I would recommend. It was a relatively straightforward process. I was very clear about what I was doing so there will be no surprises when I pass on.

My parents got together when my mum was a single mum with a 5 year old. This year they celebrate 40 years together, married for 39, and my dad has got his will done so that everything has split equally amongst all of us as he counts that 5 year old as very much his daughter too.
I can't think of many other examples where it has worked out like this!

I would get some advice, there was a piece recently on the radio about how there has been an increase in wills being contested and the cost in fighting them often means people are advised to pay them. The article spoke about a neighbour who was claiming that the deceased had been financially supporting them and therefore should have had a "reasonable financial provision" in the will for her. The family was told that even though there was no evidence it would have cost most than the money the woman had asked for to fight it and whilst there was the dispute probate wouldn't be granted. They begrudgingly paid her. I would speak to a solicitor about an air tight will with or without marriage

Something to consider as well is that if he is living with you and your daughter applies for student loan for uni, his income will be taken into account as part of the "family" money. Even if you aren't married.

To be honest I thought long term partners could claim part of the deceased’s estate if they have been together a long time / contributed to the home etc. But marrying would probably make such a claim more likely to be successful. Marriage is meant to be a partnership in many areas of life (including financial). Do you want to get married?

In a similar situation (I might lose out financially by getting married to my DP)

You can:
1- make a will (sooner rather than later): ‘in contemplation of marriage’ to this DP leaving your estate to your child (or whoever you want to benefit)
2- your solicitor will be able to advise on how to minimise risks of your will being challenged (eg giving a small sum/right to remain in a property as life interest or for a period)

Divorce: a prenup would help but is not fully binding

Life has twists & turns: to marry is an agreement to face those together. I fully understand wanting to protect your child’s future and hence your concerns. Equally, if you were to become ill, unable to work etc .. would your fiancé support you?

Two obvious solutions are religious ceremony only (not legally binding) or wait until/if he inherits and has something to lose too

Why does DP want to marry? Cultural/religious, personal beliefs …?

I did too! I thought it was a tale of companionship, and assumed an older couple!

OP at 36 it’s YOU that is the spring chicken!!

Just to say, inheritance isn't a given. One or both of his parents may lose their home to pay for nursing fees.

I wouldn't get married if I were you.

Only if they can show they had a reasonable expectation of inheriting which is very difficult to prove - usually only applies to eg farming families where a child devotes their life to helping out in the understanding that they will inherit. This is why I said that if OP is married then makes a Will leaving out her spouse in favour of the daughter she tells him so limiting any claim of having an expectation of inheritance.

PS - having consulted a solicitor about this recently (England), not all the advice on the thread is correct

A DP cannot claim (even if cohabiting), a DH can if ‘financially weaker’: in case of both death & divorce. A clear prenup would help : you can try to get a cohabitation agreement in place to specify your financial agreements but they are expensive (c. 1500) and hard to find someone to do it

Also unfortunately if you later marry the cohabitation time can be counted in a divorce settlement: you need advice tailored to your own situation

My teaching pension provider allowed me to earmark my pension for someone other than my husband if I so wished.

Would your partner accept any other form of public commitment that didn’t go as far as marriage, such as a hand fasting ceremony? You could change names and to all intents and purposes appear married, but protect your DF’s interests.

^ above IS correct

Why is he so desparate to marry then? Is it because he knows he is more secure?

He could also claim the money sent to you each month is a contribution to the mortgage in the event of a split, so get a paper trail documenting whar it’s for (food/specific utilities?)

LPA: it’s expensive to get done, your adult DD will be your next of kin (actually your mother is 1st in line here but blood family has precedence if you are not married)

I’m appalled at these comments. If a woman were paying towards a home with absolutely no rights and the man refusing to marry her because they might divorce she’d be told to run for the hills! I certainly wouldn’t accept a relationship on those terms (despite earning a decent salary, pension and owning my home) because commitment is important to me.

At 36 you’re likely to find that plenty of people your age / that you might want to be in a relationship with are going to want marriage. Not all, obviously. But lots of men in their 40s do still want that and plenty of women do too.

The marriage doesn’t make your partner immediately able to claim half your money in a divorce. The starting point is an equal split of assets gained during the marriage. After a long marriage (eg 10 years) it might be different. But at that point he’d have been paying towards a house for over a decade so he’d be entitled to a fair share imo.

I haven't read the whole thread, just the first post. However, although you can make a will leaving everything to your daughter, he can challenge it under the Inheritance Act on the basis that you have not made reasonable financial provision for him. It sounds like the courts may take the view that he is a dependent (i.e. that you are maintaining him, either wholly or partly), which means that he has a claim regardless of whether you marry. Getting married with a prenup may be your best option, but you really need to see a solicitor and take proper legal advice.

DO NOT GET MARRIED.

Some great comments already about why you shouldn’t but you’re putting your assets at risk. I would be honest with your partner and say you don’t want to get married and if he says that’s a deal breaker the cynic in me would assume it’s because he scores for your hard ended cash and pensions and by default so will his child.

No one needs to get married you can be in committed loving relationship without the marriage certificate. I would never re-marry due to wanting to protect assets.

I think it is very different going into a relationship once you already have a grown / growing child and assets.

If you marry young, buy a home together , then have children together, then you are building all that as a team, shared.

Right now, you have been a Mum to your Dd 4 times longer than you have been with your DP. You have built your assets on your own. It’s not the same.

If he loves you he should have empathy with your loyalty to your Dd and not want to ever be in a position to take what you built over all those years as her Mum.

Don’t get married if your primary consideration is protecting your assets for the benefit of your child.

Why is marriage so important to him? Has he been married before? Do you plan to have any children together? I would just tell him that you love him and are committed to him but given you have a child, you aren’t prepared to become financially entangled.

His inheritance (whenever it arrives) can be ringfenced if dealt with in a certain way, so you could find yourself in a situation where he comes after your assets yet you can’t go after his.

That’ll be one lucky chicken 😂

I wouldn't Marry. Leave a will , be very clear

I am not convinced that marriage is the right path for you.

Marriage, legally, is not primarily about love and commitment - although hopefully those should both be there. Legally, it is a contract to unite your financial future "for better for worse, for richer for poorer" ie to be a partnership where the ups and downs of life get averaged out. This is why the default assumption after divorce is 50:50 - each partner should have comparable levels of wealth as they move on because the contract of marriage agrees that they are sharing.

If you don't want to be financially united with this man then marriage is not the appropriate arrangement.

There are options of couse - perhaps look into creating a Trust to hold all your assets, with you yourself and after your death your DD being beneficiaries - but going to lengths like this is contrary to the concept of marriage and I don't recommend it.

If you do marry - remember to have a fresh Will drafted and ready to be signed and witnessed on your wedding day. Getting married invalidates all previois Wills and if you get married and then die before remaking your Will, you will die intestate and intestacy laws will apply, even if you made a Will before marrying.

If you marry and your financial arrangements continue to place you as "the Breadwinner" it will not be possible to leave 100% of your assets to your DD. If you are the Breadwinner then he will be your dependant. If you die and DH doesn't have the resources to maintain the same standard of lifestyle without your income, he would have a good case to make a claim against your estate under the Inheritance (Provision for Family and Dependants) Act 1975 for "reasonable financial provision". You could avoid this by insisting on not being "the Breadwinner" but keeping finances separate, sharing all costs 50:50 and choosing to only live a level of lifestyle that is affordable on his income, not yours. This is also somewhat incompatible with thd whole concept of marriage. But you could also make a Will that leaves the majority to DD but a hefty portion left to him by way of reasonable provision.

What’s the reason for getting married? I can’t see how it will benefit you if you want your daughter to have everything.

You could leave everything to your daughter in your will which is fine if you’re still married when you die - but if he divorces you he would probably be able to get at least some of your assets. Just live as husband and wife without the marriage certificate.