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Original poster

Boyfriend not contributing to bills, how do I approach the subject?

445 replies

Ells2024 · 18/12/2024 09:19

My boyfriend moved in in March 2024, we unexpectedly found ourself pregnant and had a bit of a turbulent time at the beginning on deciding what to do. Fast forward we have a beautiful little boy who was born in October, I’m currently not working (Mat leave, statutory pay only) and I am covering the bills using this and my savings. My boyfriend earns just below 100k and isn’t contributing to anything, maybe just pays for the odd food shop. I tired to speak to him 3 times about the bills by asking to have a conversation, he agrees and then we never actually sit down. He hasn’t offered to contribute and now I just feel awkward brining it up again. How do I approach this subject again ?

OP posts:
Comedycook · 18/12/2024 09:21

Wtf!

What is he doing with his money?

Pixilicious1 · 18/12/2024 09:21

This is not a conversation. You tell him! He is a freeloading cheeky fucker! He earns really good money and is living off your maternity pay and savings? That is taking money from your baby. He either contributes fairly or moves out. This is not just about you, you have a baby to support now.

Stormyweatheroutthere · 18/12/2024 09:22

Suggest a joint account for bills... Obviously on maternity your contributions will be less than his...

DefyingGravity01 · 18/12/2024 09:22

You don’t need to sit down. He just needs to give you the money. Work it out and tell him.

redskydarknight · 18/12/2024 09:22

Boyfriend, we need to have a proper talk about our finances. Can we discuss this now, or agree a time when we will do it?

And then actually sit down.

LadyMargaretPoledancer · 18/12/2024 09:22

Do a budget of all your outgoings.

Do you own the house or rent?

Work out what his contribution should be and present him with that figure. You can then discuss the finer details but essentially you've opened the conversation. Nothing like cold hard facts to sharpen the mind.

If he refuses then he's taking advantage of you and should move out.

Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 18/12/2024 09:22

How do you approach the subject?
"Hey boyfriend. You're taking the piss here. Pay your share of the bills."

TheTigerWhoCameToEatMyArsehole · 18/12/2024 09:22

Tell him, don't ask. You contribute or fuck off simple.

Hoppinggreen · 18/12/2024 09:23

No sit down or talk needed.
Just tell him he needs to contribute x amount right now.
How can people have sex but not be able to talk about money?

snowlady4 · 18/12/2024 09:24

Boyfriend, I need your share of the bills and shopping on Friday. I was thinking X amount would be fair for gas, electric, nappies. Here are my bank details.
And then discuss a joint account for bills/household stuff.

Pixilicious1 · 18/12/2024 09:24

Why didn’t you discuss it before he moved in?

Brombat · 18/12/2024 09:24

Grade A cocklodger.

Why are you feeling awkward?

Turn that around, what would you be doing if you were him?

DefyingGravity01 · 18/12/2024 09:25

Did he pay for anything when you had the baby?

fruitbrewhaha · 18/12/2024 09:25

What!!!! He isn’t paying anything? How the fuck has this happened? Did he move in with you so thought as you’d been covering it before then he didn’t have to pay.

Tell him now what he needs to pay each month. And tell him to pay you in arrears too. Back date it to when he moved in. If he refuses, which I guess he will, chuck him out.

Pinkfemme1 · 18/12/2024 09:25

I just couldn’t, where those men come from… what are they thinking… it’s just shocking

ilikeeggs · 18/12/2024 09:25

Bloody hell, why does he think he should live for free and not contribute anything?

user2848502016 · 18/12/2024 09:25

What on earth?! How can he possibly think that's ok?

Work out what a fair contribution from him would be (at least half), sit him down again and tell him he either starts contributing or he can leave and pay you child maintenance, which you can apply for through the courts if needs be

Brombat · 18/12/2024 09:26

Are you worried he'll leave?

NoWordForFluffy · 18/12/2024 09:26

TheTigerWhoCameToEatMyArsehole · 18/12/2024 09:22

Tell him, don't ask. You contribute or fuck off simple.

You beat me to it! This was going to be my approach!

DefyingGravity01 · 18/12/2024 09:26

What kind of father is he to not be contributing a penny? He should be ashamed of himself.

username299 · 18/12/2024 09:26

You don't arrange a conversation. Work out how much he owes since he's been living with you and then divide the bills/rent up, obviously include baby stuff. Write it all down and hand it to him.

Just say this is what you owe, can you set up a DD monthly.

This doesn't bode well for your relationship OP.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 18/12/2024 09:26

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

ChristmasGrinch24 · 18/12/2024 09:27

You had a baby with this man yet you feel awkward talking about money? Confused

Original poster
Ells2024 · 18/12/2024 09:27

I feel awkward because I’ve tried to talk to him a few times and it’s just not got anywhere, I’m not sure if I need to try again or just ask him to leave.

OP posts:
Tubetrain · 18/12/2024 09:28

Oh dear. You've procreated with a cocklodger.

You need a clear conversation, he either starts contributing today (and if you have separate finances he should be paying you half the cost of childcare) or he moves out and you go via the CMS.

If you're only on SMP you'll need to have a short maternity leave, as he clearly isn't going to contribute.