Boyfriend not contributing to bills, how do I approach the subject?

[Ells2024]

My boyfriend moved in in March 2024, we unexpectedly found ourself pregnant and had a bit of a turbulent time at the beginning on deciding what to do. Fast forward we have a beautiful little boy who was born in October, I’m currently not working (Mat leave, statutory pay only) and I am covering the bills using this and my savings. My boyfriend earns just below 100k and isn’t contributing to anything, maybe just pays for the odd food shop. I tired to speak to him 3 times about the bills by asking to have a conversation, he agrees and then we never actually sit down. He hasn’t offered to contribute and now I just feel awkward brining it up again. How do I approach this subject again ?

You are on mat leave with his baby. Unless you have a great maternity package he should be paying for practically everything.

I wouldn't even bother having the conversation. He should know this isn't ok and the fact he hasn't offered his money means he is automatically a twat imo.

Firstly, now you are on maternity leave he needs to pay all bills ... its his turn! Do not be using your savings, that is ridiculous.

Make sure all bills are in joint names.

Moving forward, when you are back at work you each need a standing order, for your contribution, to be paid into a joint account. You need to agree a sum, to include all baby stuff.

You are going to end up with no money if you don't act now.

Even worse, OP is not a wife, so has zero legal protection in place as this parasite leeches her infant, bank account and property.
Time to find you anger OP, defend your baby from this dreadful man and claim what he owes your baby.

he has not paid anything towards the bills & rent/mortgage since March?

this should have been a conversation you had before he moved in and £100k while you are on SMP, he should be paying everything

put baby to bed tonight and sit him down, list all the outgoings and list what you have coming in and what he has coming in, maybe when he see's it on paper it might click

Thank you, I think I needed to hear some hard truths. I know it’s not acceptable and will give him a figure tonight when he gets back from work. Will see if he agrees…

What a tightwad. I'm shocked. He's obviously not a partner in this relationship, he knows exactly what he's doing. What does he bring to this relationship when he doesn't give a crap about you and the baby by contributing his fair share and is actively avoiding it on such a high wage??

tell him that if he won’t contribute, you’ll instigate a CMS claim.

It’s not up to him to agree. It’s up to you to state what are the requirements.

You’re a mother now. Take back your power. Stop shrinking.

You need to contribute X as your share of the bills. I want to to set up a standing order today. You owe me for the months you didn’t contribute. You can pay that in a lump sum.

I'd ask him to leave. Let him accommodate himself and pay for his own gas, electric, water, council tax. You'll save money by not have him there. You'll get 25% reduction on your council tax. You'll save on your food and utility costs. He'll have to pay child maintainance. At the moment he's fucking you financially and your allowing it. He's a cocklodger.

Outrageous. I’m glad you’re going to speak to him.
Good luck 🌺

I’m sorry but I can’t see how this relationship can progress. It’s not even a relationship, a relationship is give & take, sharing, supporting each other, building a life together. He’s done none of that. He’s created a family with you but doesn’t even feel the need to be a partner. He’s happy to see you struggle, he’s happy to take from you & your child. Not only has he chosen not to contribute but he’s chosen to ignore you asking for a contribution. This isn’t a man who wants to be in a relationship. This isn’t a man who wants a family. This is a man who wants to freeload from anyone he can. This is a man who wants to take from you & a baby but give nothing in return. This is not a man you can have a life with. This is man who is draining your life

I read as far as

My boyfriend moved in in March 2024, we unexpectedly found ourself pregnant

🙄

Miss out the "hey, any chance you can" part though.

In that case kick him out and tell him to come.back if he actually wants to be a father.

Make sure your figure is fair. Tally up every bill, food, toiletries, utilities, clothing for your child, childcare costs ect. You are on maternity leave after having his kid. You shouldn't have to dip into your savings when he's on 100k a year. I'd want him ro contribute proportionally to your current incomes and review this once your back to work.

So can you tell us what kind of figure you're planning to give him? And what's your plan for if he refuses or agrees and then doesn't pay it?

I find it hard to fathom how you hold down a good job, which is obviously well paid enough for you to buy a house on your own, yet you can’t deal with a situation like this. Presumably at work you take charge of things and get them done, rather than wibbling around ineffectually?

How long were you together when he moved in, bet it was his idea so he could sponge off you, it usually is

My jaw is on the floor!

If you don't already, draw up a spreadsheet of all the monthly outgoings from rent/mortgage etc to phone bills/tv licence, average weekly food shop cost. You could highlight which ones are your personal cost (subscriptions, charity donations etc).

Present him with it, and tell him you want him to contribute at least half to the monthly household outgoings. However, whilst you are on maternity leave, you should only be expected to contribute part of your statutory pay, allowing you to have some kind of disposable income.

How on earth did you manage to have a child with this man without an adult conversation about how the finances would work

He’s an arsehole letting you pay for all that without wanting to know more what the bills are and what he can pay towards. He should have actively offered. Tell him he can start paying his half of bills or move out and pay for his own place.

If he earnt £30k and was doing this I would be bloody horrified for you OP but £100k fuck me!! My DH pays for our entire family from that including me

He is actually stealing from his own child at the moment, and financially abusing you. I’m sorry, but this is not love.

If he wasn’t living with you and was only paying child maintenance, this would be at least £850/month (assuming you had the baby 100% of the time, which seems likely given his commitment so far).

Given he’s probably taking home £6K/month this shouldn’t be a problem.

Sorry but you are an absolute fool to have put yourself in this situation.
Why on earth have to allowed him to live with you and contribute nothing when he’s on 100k! You have let this gone on since March, what is wrong with you!
To be honest I would be calling quits on the relationship full stop, he doesn’t sound a decent man at all.

I wouldn't be talking to him. He should have offered outright straight away. Tell him to leave and put in a claim with CMS for maintenance, he is absolutely taking the piss.