Boyfriend not contributing to bills, how do I approach the subject?

[Ells2024]

My boyfriend moved in in March 2024, we unexpectedly found ourself pregnant and had a bit of a turbulent time at the beginning on deciding what to do. Fast forward we have a beautiful little boy who was born in October, I’m currently not working (Mat leave, statutory pay only) and I am covering the bills using this and my savings. My boyfriend earns just below 100k and isn’t contributing to anything, maybe just pays for the odd food shop. I tired to speak to him 3 times about the bills by asking to have a conversation, he agrees and then we never actually sit down. He hasn’t offered to contribute and now I just feel awkward brining it up again. How do I approach this subject again ?

You are well rid of this freeloader. Well done OP, don't ever forget you deserve someone who is going to treat you well 💐

@Ells2024 Now he has left do NOT let him stay over ever again. .
He may be the type that ends things to punish you so he can get his own way.

You are single now I’d keep it that way he comes and collects baby to spend time with it this Does not happen in your home.
While he has the baby he has to supply everything it needs , no extra work on you by packing and un packing bags .

Do get the cms claim in today . He’s a cheeky selfish fucker .
You will get into a routine now, and you will be fine without the added stress of that selfish pig.

CMS.
you and yuor child are better off.
here’s to 2025 ❤️

So so sorry you are in this position op, it's really appalling the way he has treated you, after you've been so kind.

The man is a pig!
Get your CMS claim in.

He has treated you awfully. It must be awful right now but please don't spend too much time feeling sad about him, you really have dodged a bullet.
Concentrate on yourself and little one and further down the line you will meet someone a million times better.

Oof I’m sorry to see your update, but kind of relieved for you too. You know where you stand now, you have clarity. As he is financially abusive you need to go down the CMS route asap. And reach out to friends for some emotional support. I have no doubt that you will be ok, indeed you will thrive, without this loser. But I get that it hurts 💐

Sorry to hear that op. You obviously had the measure of him as you knew he wouldn’t take it well.

Where has he gone? The daft thing is he will now have to pay his own rent and bills and expenses. Don’t regret anything as even if you had put up with his lack of contribution to bills etc he would have been tight about holidays, nursery costs for your child, Christmas, meals out etc.

As far as I’m aware he’s staying at a hotel as he has no where to go. Yes your totally right, it’s hard but it’s for the best

I’m so sorry it didn’t end well. I’m so sorry to say he was either using you for the free living expenses and to save loads of money or perhaps he’s broke up with you in the hope you’ll beg for him back and agree he doesn’t have to pay. I wonder where he’s planning on living now? I’m guessing he’s going to find someone else to leach off first.

Hope you and your little one still have a great Christmas

This must be so difficult for you especially at this time of year. What were his reasons for not contributing? Just wondering how someone justifies that sort of behaviour.
Happy 2025 to you and your baby.

Trash took itself out as the Americans say.

Please apply for CMS immediately. He has avoided paying for his child this whole time and it cannot be backdated.

Best of luck 🫂

@Ells2024 I am sorry it wasn't the outcome you wanted

But you know now and can adjust your life to being a single mum. It's hard. I know

Def make sure you get cm sorted asap as they don't back date it sadly. They should

As he's a high earner you will get a good chunk and so rightly you should

💐💐💐💐💐 for you. Hope you have some good friends about

Big, big hugs. This must seem daunting but I hope you are also finding it easier than you thought. Now you and baby will just listen to each other and you will not have to factor this ungenerous person into your plans.

Sorry to hear that OP. You deserve much better. It is hard just now, but continuing with him sponging off you any longer would be worse in the longer term.

It’s good he has moved out but be very careful of him from now on - it appears he has some kind of resentment towards you. Perhaps linked to the poor relationship he has with his mum/dad.

I’ve been LC and NC with some family members so not judging anyone for being estranged, however the fact is some people do take their unresolved issues with parents out on romantic partners.

The fact he would rather pay money to live in a hotel (especially at Christmas time) than stay with you and his child, and pay his own way is very telling. Even when he gets his own place again he will be paying more as a single person than if he had stayed with you.

He just seems to be stingy as far as you’re concerned , but is happy enough to splash the cash when it suits him.

Good riddance

He is happy enough to pay the hotels bills!

Honestly, being a single parent is fine. Accept it though, don't try and recreate a nuclear family. Just focus for the next few years on you and baby. If you need to retrain / learn to drive any of that now is a great time to put a plan in place. The hardest thing can be not having someone to share those 'first' or extra cute things so share on her. the best thing is you know you are alone and it's on you so you don't feel resentful for the other parent not stepping up.

Iron strong boundaries now though. When ex took me to court I put forward the below contact suggestion and the court signed it off happily with no amendments DD was a similar age.

• Contact is to benefit DC so short and often to begin with a couple of hours a few of times a week. Don't do any contact at your house, meet at a library, soft play etc
• Gently increase contact until 6 months old - common age for nursery when 8:30 -4pm was expected so a Nursery day basically
• Court were happy for no overnights until DD was 4 years old
• Fathers/Mothers day and parents birthday with relevant parent
• DDs birthday and Christmas alternated once she started overnights 12 noon Christmas eve - 12 noon boxing day so she never had to leave her toys and had a good amount of time with whichever family she was with
• Go via CMS, do an online application today

Good luck and have a great christmas

What an absolute tight arse he is. Just awful! You are well rid OP.

Good thing he's gone but don't forget to claim child support

Sorry about this OP. I think, although you may be upset now, this man really isn't worth your time and effort - he has taken enough.

Build your life around you and your baby. Apply for child maintenance today.

Not sure I believe this post. It's too shocking.

Wow ! he really is a shit !!!

His belated Christmas present can be a claim for CMS - tho of course you don't have a home address for him but you do know where he works.

Please apply for child maintenance asap!

Change the locks if he still has a key. Enjoy your baby. Spend quality time with your parents and baby.

Wow, what a horrid little man. Good riddance to bad rubbish as my granny would have said.

I wish you a wonderful Christmas and a very happy, man free, new year ❤️