Boyfriend not contributing to bills, how do I approach the subject?

[Ells2024]

My boyfriend moved in in March 2024, we unexpectedly found ourself pregnant and had a bit of a turbulent time at the beginning on deciding what to do. Fast forward we have a beautiful little boy who was born in October, I’m currently not working (Mat leave, statutory pay only) and I am covering the bills using this and my savings. My boyfriend earns just below 100k and isn’t contributing to anything, maybe just pays for the odd food shop. I tired to speak to him 3 times about the bills by asking to have a conversation, he agrees and then we never actually sit down. He hasn’t offered to contribute and now I just feel awkward brining it up again. How do I approach this subject again ?

Send him an email while he has at work. Backdate it from when he moved in.

He knows he's being a CF and exploiting you financially. He doesn't care or seemingly feel any sense of responsibility to provide for you and his child.

What an absolute dick.

You'll be endlessly raising this and trying to cajole money out of him. Forget sitting down for a grown up conversation. Next time a bill comes in hand it to him and say "It must be your turn".

Next time you need a food shop tell him "I need to go to the supermarket. Can you give me some money as my statutory mat pay isn't going to stretch to it". If he says no, then say it's ridiculous that he cant afford to feed his family on over £100k and should be ashamed of himself.

Present him with a bill. Just go through all household payments (rent, utilities rates etc) you have paid since he moved in and point out the 50% he owes you and provide banking details for immediate transfer.

Going forward suggest what his payments will be monthly.

If he is not happy with this or attempts to avoid the discussion tell him to go.

A partnership requires the emotional and fiscal input of BOTH parties to build a stable relationship.

Yeh you tell him to leave!! He’s on 100k and he’s keeping it to himself. Get that cocklodging selfish arsehole out of your house!! He’s living life, all his money is his and he pays for sweet fa!!

This is just disgusting.

i own the house and before I went off had a decent paying job. I like to be independent so didn’t initially ask and I just expected when I brought it up and he would just put his hand in his pocket and he hasn’t. It’s not like I’ve not broached the subject. Also I’m asking for advice, why would this not be real?

Oh come on! You know what you need to say 'Jack, you've been forgetting to contribute your share of living costs. Backdated to March last year you owe £xx please transfer me that now. For future months let's set up a joint account. We will each need to put £x in to cover living and baby costs"

You live with him, tou are close enough to ahve sex and a baby with him, it is t awkward to have a frank conversation about money.

This trash is literally robbing you and your infant. He's a thief. Boot him out and start a CMS claim for him to pay for the kid he made.
No one on earth could find such a man remotely attractive so surely the relationship is over.

What a mean spiteful shameful excuse of a man.

He knows that people don’t live for free.

He is happy to see the mother of his baby struggle but not want to at least pay his way.

Shameful

Walk him to the door and say goodbye and see if you can put a CMS claim in. Thats the kost sensible thing you can do. Useless fucker. He doesn’t care about either you or your child of this is how he behaves.

Don't ask him to talk about it just sit down and say here is what you need to pay for your half, is he buying the baby things? The fact he's not offered would make me question the relationship

It’s not a good sign that you fee it would be awkward to have this chat with him. He isn’t a team with you. It’s not looking good. I’d feel awful to have been put in that position and to have to have the conversation. Like he clearly should know it’s not ok to be treating you like this.
I suspect as well that he is hiding some info from you, are you sure this is his income, is he actually in debt etc etc
how transparent is he being? Ideally you would have sat down together before all this and make a plan, one people pull finances, some set up a joint account.. was there a chat like that?
now with being where you are, you should still sit down and tell him exactly how it feels and explore options and long term solutions, however there is some relational damage that has already happened. You’be given birth to his baby, which is a vulnerable time and he hasn’t thought that he needs to look after you and his baby, not even contribute fairly??? I’m not sure if I could forgive that. You deserve much much better

BTW WE didn’t get pregnant you did. You carried his child & went through childbirth.

If you feel yourself wavering work out what he owes you and then imagine yourself handing that over to him in cash, because that is basically what you have done.

Time for him to leave then. Your bills will reduce without him.

I planned to but everything went into panic and focus of the baby. I know it’s not good enough to not discuss these things before hand.

Bin him and claim CMS.
He's awful.
He shouldn't even need to be "sat down" to discuss this. He should have been payimg right from the beginning without having to be asked.

Kick him out and put in a CMS claim. Any halfway decent man and father would be paying his way, and the fact that you can’t even talk to him about this says everything about what kind of relationship this is.

You have 3 options, 1. Work out what he needs to contribute and he pays that. 2. Ask him to move out. 3. End the relationship.

I literally could of wrote this thread a year ago. My ex practically steathily moved in my house within 6 weeks of us meeting. He agreed to contribute but the money never came. I was working and having to dip into savings to top up the additional costs he was adding to bills, aswell as having to fund the odd day out we had. I lasted 6 months and in that time my wages were gone as soon as they were paid, as was 3k in savings. He was secretly gambling his money away and buying drugs. I left him and then unfortunately found out I was pregnant. Ive never seen him again since i coaxed him to walk out of my door and ive still never saw a penny off him neither has DC. He is getting full sick pay (for a fictional condition) and lives with his mum, so he has money, he just won't part with it unless it's for his own gain/benefit.

Hopefully yours agrees to contribute and actually sticks to that arrangement but like PP's say, where is his money currently going if he isn't even offering to chip in? Does he fund things for your DS?

This is the tightest bastard I've ever heard of on here and that takes some beating. He has a pregnant wife and then a new baby. He has a high income. He doesn't spend a penny but relies on the woman to pay for everything. Any self-respect you have must be on the ground. Any savings he's got will be in the bank, his bank account. I wouldn't want to live with him but if you do I would say that for the next identical number of months he pays for absolutely everything and after that you go 50-50.

'Hey, any chance you can set up a standing order for your share of the bills into my account today please? I want to make sure it's sorted for January - it's xxx a month and if you can chuck me xxx to cover your half since March that would be great, thanks'

Kick him out and claim child maintenance, he's a high earner - £100k hed have to pay around £850 a month. It would probably be cheaper for him to pay his share.

I'd just tell him he needs to sort a direct debit for X amount or move out by the end of the week. He is sponging off you and it is completely shameful.

Bin him. You’re doing it on your own anyway. I would guess you’re also doing all the childcare.

Kick the freeloader out.

He knows exactly what he is doing.

Why on earth are you being so wet about it?