Boyfriend not contributing to bills, how do I approach the subject?

[Ells2024]

My boyfriend moved in in March 2024, we unexpectedly found ourself pregnant and had a bit of a turbulent time at the beginning on deciding what to do. Fast forward we have a beautiful little boy who was born in October, I’m currently not working (Mat leave, statutory pay only) and I am covering the bills using this and my savings. My boyfriend earns just below 100k and isn’t contributing to anything, maybe just pays for the odd food shop. I tired to speak to him 3 times about the bills by asking to have a conversation, he agrees and then we never actually sit down. He hasn’t offered to contribute and now I just feel awkward brining it up again. How do I approach this subject again ?

At least he’s saved you the trouble of throwing him out I suppose

That's what I say too. I must be the same generation

Well done OP. Get your cms claim in next week - he has to pay his way

The generation that's had their fill of arsehole men!!!

I'm in my 50s, GenX 😊

I'm a boomer and happy to have always been single.

My niece says never settle

He will find it difficult to claim for half of the house if they're not married - almost impossible.
Also unlikely if they get back together and MARRY ( though possible)
The Judge may grant her the house as they have a Baby.
He may come back, ask to get Married and try to claim the house.
He may play mind games till she cracks up, goes into hospital then he can claim custody and the house and would be successful . I'm not saying this will happen at all but it happened to a friend of mine.
If you are not married and HIS name is not on the deeds then partner has no leg to stand on.

Just read your update. Sorry, he's an awful, abusive, free loader. His actions have confirmed everything we already thought about him. Any decent man would have already been contributing without being asked. He knew exactly what he was doing, and has financially abused you, at a vulnerable time in your life. Please don't ever take this cock lodger back. You and your baby deserve better.

Where on earth did that come from? There’s been no suggestion. He would even consider such ludicrous actions. Why the OP with that nonsense?

He agreed. 2 days later he broke it off and left.

Likely drunk all the Christmas sherry

Dear OP, I think you were already a single mum when he was still living with you! You will do brilliantly without having him in the house, I’m sure. It was probably a bit like having two babies…bet he didn’t do his share of the cooking or housework! Good luck for 2025

You can expect abject apologies and promises to be a new man when he realizes how much the hotel is costing him.

Don't listen.

The more I read on here the more I am astounded. The word boyfriend now seems to mean ponce. I am so old it's embarrassing - like my behaviour at times. But throughout 3 marriages and four other relationships I always paid all the bills.

I agree and it is even more embarrassing when they call their useless boyfriends their “partners”

@OldScribbler I’m assuming you’re a man from the older generation then ?

“modern women” are getting screwed over left right and centre, they work just as hard as men only to come home and do all the housework then they pay at least 50% towards bills. Some are clearly paying 100%,

The worst is when say they don’t want to ask their partner to contribute his fair share while they’re on maternity or working part time and sacrificing their full-time income to look after THEIR child because supposedly they want to look “independent”. They don’t seem to realise the man isn’t being “independent” he’s benefiting disproportionately from their labour.

Absolutely bonkers.

Yes; I'm from a very much older generation. So damn old I wake up every morning and check my pulse to see if I'm still here. What I find strange is the change in the relationships between men and women.

Wrote him an invoice with a payment deadline. Include rent and 50% of bills plus child maintenance dated back to when he moved in. Tell him he pays it or he leaves and you will pursue him through the small claims courts.

You must’ve missed the updates. He agreed to pay then broke up with Op and moved out a few days later . There was no agreement in place when he first moved in so she can’t pursue him for anything.

She can for CMS

Not sure how CM would be worked out when it’s covering a period that a couple were living together AND in a relationship, but anyway I was mainly meaning the rent and bills element.

Hope OP has started claiming maintenance from the day they split up though.

You tell him when he's eating
What does he do with almost £100,000?