Boyfriend not contributing to bills, how do I approach the subject?

[Ells2024]

My boyfriend moved in in March 2024, we unexpectedly found ourself pregnant and had a bit of a turbulent time at the beginning on deciding what to do. Fast forward we have a beautiful little boy who was born in October, I’m currently not working (Mat leave, statutory pay only) and I am covering the bills using this and my savings. My boyfriend earns just below 100k and isn’t contributing to anything, maybe just pays for the odd food shop. I tired to speak to him 3 times about the bills by asking to have a conversation, he agrees and then we never actually sit down. He hasn’t offered to contribute and now I just feel awkward brining it up again. How do I approach this subject again ?

Tell him to pay up or he can get out! You'll get a lot more from him via the CMS than he currently contributes, and with fewer awkward conversations, too.

“OK, this is a conversation that had become sidelined. Now that we are living together we needs to cover shared costs for loving and baby’s needs.

I suggest we open a joint back account that all household, joint and baby expenses go from. And that we pay in pro rata to our income. Obviously I am on maternity leave doing full time childcare, when I go back to work we can adjust accordingly.

Here are the forms / links to the joint bank account, I will change all the utility bills to be paid from that account. Groceries, babies clothes etc also to come from that account.

If you have a better idea please say now. Otherwise let’s go ahead with this asap as I simply cannot support us all on my savings and maternity pay. . And I am sure you would agree that would be very unfair “

Bloody hell, he is one inconsiderate cock lodger

Tell him you need £1500 for this month as that’s half his bills and then every month going forward. If any resistance kick him out, claim UC and child maintenance.

And get it out of your head that it is an ‘awkward subject’. It isn’t. It is a grown up conversation about how the two of you support your joint child and roof over your heads.

You live with him. He is the father of your child it is not ‘awkward’ and if it is, that’s on him.

They usually come from homes where their mother has done everything for them and have never had to lift a finger or contribute to anything.

Don't beat yourself up, or let anyone else give you a hard time. You've got a weeks old baby and nobody replying here knows what the dynamic has been. You're clearly not stupid, so there's obviously something off in the relationship.

I'm going to be honest and say don't waste your time even opening a spreadsheet to present to him. You do not want to be in a relationship with a man who earns £100k and is happy to freeload off a pregnant woman and new mother. It's just a hard no.

You give him a date by which he needs to be out, and stick to it. It's already over lovely, he's a waster in a suit.

You don't need this, your hormones have been all over the place but you know this isn't right. Get him out, hand it over to the CMS and move on.

Present him with details of his half of the bills.

'hey xxx you've been living here a while now and not paying your share, I can't keep subsidising you so starting 1st Jan your half of the bills is xx that covers rent, utilities, food, baby stuff and childcare.'

If he says no then you'll need to tell him to leave so you can claim UC as a single parent living alone.

Seems you have a ‘cocklodger’ - who you need to remove.

Simply put a claim through CSA and it will be legal and arms length.

If he hasn’t started to contribute by now, he’s not in the ‘family’ frame of mind - so the legal and arms length approach will be your best bet…

How long have you known each other ?
Was he at the birth ? How do you have a child but can't discuss money .
You sound very nice but come on he needs to be paying . It doesn't matter its your house. Children are expensive .
I hope if you go back to work he helps pay for childcare.
He probably thinks everything's great .

Why do you ask to have a conversation? Just have one! Tell him tonight you’ve got enough on your plate without trying to balance the books on top of everything else. From now on you expect £1500 in your account on the first of every month, or whatever you feel is fair.

He’s had almost a year freeloading and earns plenty so it doesn’t really need debating.

Spreadsheet of the bills. Request that he pays half or leave. I do pay the majority of our bills but this is due to financial issues my partner has becuase of joint decisions on loans he took out plus i earn 3 x him and we are 17 years into our relationship. In your case I would put it in a spreadsheet, request half or leave.

Not just bills and shopping. There's a little matter of rent.

Manchild - who needs them?

It's as simple as him paying 50% of every bill. Tell him this, or he can leave.

If he had a shred of decency he would have been offering to pay half of all outgoings from the moment he moved in. He should really be paying you a hefty back payment to cover the last 9 months.

If there is any more evasion on his part, you need to make it clear the arrangement is coming to an end immediately.

Indeed, his input seems to have been minimal.

Also very worrying you can't bring this up with him and you feel awkward. If you can't just outright say I want to talk about the bills and I need tou to pay half from now, then you don't have a relationship there, theres a huge problem if tou cant have an open and honest conversation. Actually I revise my advise above, tell him to leave immediately.

I think 50% is a minimum, she’s not currently earning much due to having birthed his child!

What a scummy man.

You had a child with him but haven't spoken to him about money.

Madness.
Yes he needs to pay. Yes you need to know your worth.

Him not paying or offering to pay is a HUGE RED FLAG. What a dick

' You know the rent is £1000, so I require £500 from you each month, the Council tax and utilities come to £400 each month, so that's a total of £700 that I want putting into my account on x date each month - or we can set up a joint account if you wish ?
Then we can just split the shopping bill each week as we buy it '

He is a waste of space. Anyone who thinks he can move in with a woman, make her pregnant and then not contribute or support her financially although receiving a good salary should be taking a walk to the door. He obviously has no self pride and is not caring to you or the baby.

”You owe me X for bills. Please transfer it by the end of the day”

I get it's hard

I was the same. I had /have a good job and could afford bills on my own and done it alone prob the same as you

Sadly you do have a cocklodger and what makes it worse is that he earns tons

If he was scrimping fair enough. But not on £100k

Work out what your monthly bills are

Add on 10% for things you forget /off bdsy pressies etx

Diving by 2 is what most couples do but when they earn the same

He earns shit loads so should pay more 70/30

He needs to back pay 50% + since March

And going forward to ideally pay all while on smp

Don't be too hard on yourself. As I said it's easily done. Esp if been independent

Yes, he needs to be asked directly for a sum to cover what has been spent so far and then something set up going forward for the day to day bills.

As others have said gather those invoices and receipts for everything you have spent so far on the baby Do a spread sheet! Slap a paper copy down infront of him.

Is he lying about his job and earnings?