He has loads of money while I struggle, am I right to be annoyed?

[BeMellowDreamer]

We’re together 3.5 years, I recently lost my FT job and after discussing we decided I should look for a PT job so I have more time to do housework, help my son (from previous relationship) with homework’s and bringing him to his after school clubs and walk our dog.
Due to the unexpected job loss I’m now behind on a few payments which is causing my credit rating to drop, I’m stressed and cry over it. I’ve been rejected from entry level jobs because I’m over qualified. DP may as well pat me on the head and say “there, there” while he tells me how much money he has saved and investments he’s making.
He has the ability to wipe out these payments to alleviate my stress but he doesn’t. Am I being taken for a ride so he can save thousands “for US” but if I ask for help he tells me it’s his money. Ive even offered monthly repayment options to pay him back if he helped me and he says “I’ll think about it” and nothing comes of it. This is a man wanting to marry me?? He tells me how good he is to me and I should be grateful but I can’t help feeling resentful that he watches me struggle and stress when he could stop that.

I’ve been through a lot in my life and I’m aware I’m vulnerable, so I want to know am I right to be annoyed or am I being a doormat?

thing is Op
You are not married
and not his son!

you have taken a big risk and he’s the upshot of that

walk your dog?! i mean, you went part time to help your son with his homework and clubs, and to walk the dog??

Why do you want to be with him?

it sounds loveless

but i don’t blame him for not being all that keen to financially support his girlfriend and her son

how long have you lived with him?

Hmmm, going part time so you have more time with your son (not his) and to walk the dog sounds a bad idea when you aren’t married.

Whose name is your house in? I would be going back to work full time and not expecting anyone to pay for me.

You are not married. You are a single parent. You cannot afford to live on part time work.

That's the reality of life. Start looking for a full time job, because you need one. And don't ever rely on someone else to keep you.

This, how old is your son? And how are you 'being taken for a ride'?

I think you should re evaluate your choices. You are not in any sort of position to go part time. And I certainly wouldn’t be in a relationship with a man who treated me like this.

You don't sound like partners and tbh he doesn't sound like he likes you that much.

The brutal truth is that you can't afford to go part time. What's the housing situation - are you on a mortgage together?

I'd be looking for a full time job asap, and I'd be looking for a new boyfriend too.

You don't have the luxury of working part time, you need to find a proper full time job to remain financially independent as you have a son, dog and debts. I'm not surprised he doesn't want to contribute to those expenses. Obviously PT working isn't going to work in your situation so apply for roles you are actually qualified for.

As for whether you are being a doormat, well you aren't married and his money is his. - Whether his attitude will change or whether you want to continue this relationship is for you to talk to him about / decide.

How old is your son?

are you actually paying anything towards living costs?

In all honesty, I wouldn’t be paying off my Dps debt whilst also funding his lifestyle.

If you told us your DP went part time to help with algebra, take his child to ballet and walk his mutt we’d be telling you to dump him.

Was it a genuinely mutual decision? Is it his dog? Is it his home you are cleaning for free? Are you cooking food eac h night and clearing up and doing laundry he'd have to do if you were not there? If so, say to him if he enjoys these benefits, he has to recognise they come from your mutual agreement that you will only work part-time, in which case, you need some financial input from him.

But as PPs have said, you are essentially a single mum. Get a full time job that pays you well for your qualifications. Start investing in your own financial future - save money for you and your son.

No idea why he encouraged you to go part time.

Either way it’s clearly not a smart move - unless you have childcare issues or reasons other than walking the dog and taking your kids to clubs I think you had better remain in full-time work.

Perhaps you can revisit it in the future if and when you are married and have a child with him.

Also you say he wants to marry you, and you’ve been together 3.5 years . So are you even engaged?

Does your child’s father pay maintenance ?

Am I being taken for a ride

How on earth have you assessed this situation as one where YOU are the person being taken for a ride?!

You want someone else to pay your outgoings whilst you look for a part time job so you can help your own son with his homework!? Hmmmm.

Sorry OP but you sound very entitled.

You're not even married and this isn't his son! He owes you nothing.

What sort of payments are you behind with?

Go back to work full time. I hope you can and will.
Do everything possible to make yourself financially independent. Never, ever, ever, ever (I can't make this clear enough) ever depend on a partner to be your financial stability. Ever.

i don’t think we’ve given the responses the Op expected, consequently…. i would guess she won’t be back

so I want to know am I right to be annoyed or am I being a doormat

It’s interesting that these are the two options you suggest when most posters actually think neither is accurate and if anything the opposite is true.

You are not right to be annoyed nor are you necessarily being a doormat based on what you’ve shared so far , but YES - you’ve maybe made some unwise decisions that won’t benefit you or your child. Hopefully you can correct that though by going back to work full time.

so I have more time to do housework, help my son (from previous relationship) with homework’s and bringing him to his after school clubs and walk our dog.

Although I’ve just noticed this part which changes things slightly. If he has suggested you go part- time to benefit him too ie. Do most of the housework, well he should be chipping in more to reflect that, assuming he’s not already paying a higher amount towards rent and bills etc? How is the current split in terms of household costs? But either way it’s clear part time won’t be a good idea. Go back to full time and do a 50/50 split of housework!

We’re together 3.5 years, I recently lost my FT job and after discussing we decided I should look for a PT job so I have more time to do housework, help my son (from previous relationship) with homework’s and bringing him to his after school clubs and walk our dog.

When you say "we" , I'd be interested how the conversations went.
Either you are taking the mick completely. Why should he finance you and your son, while you only work PT?
Or it could be he is controlling / financially abusive and likes the power over you.

We don't know. You might want to have a think about the situation.

The situation you are in is completely different from a married couple with young dc together, choosing for one parent to work part time, and obviously sharing finances. I don't know how long you have lived together, or who owns the house, or is the tenant, or how old your dc is, but surely (even more so as you have a child) things like money were discussed before you made such a big commitment as moving in together?

If he wants you to reduce hours to do more housework then yes he should contribute more.

In your shoes i'd be looking for a full time job and an equitable split of housework.

You would be mad to go part time when you are this financially vulnerable.