He has loads of money while I struggle, am I right to be annoyed?

[BeMellowDreamer]

We’re together 3.5 years, I recently lost my FT job and after discussing we decided I should look for a PT job so I have more time to do housework, help my son (from previous relationship) with homework’s and bringing him to his after school clubs and walk our dog.
Due to the unexpected job loss I’m now behind on a few payments which is causing my credit rating to drop, I’m stressed and cry over it. I’ve been rejected from entry level jobs because I’m over qualified. DP may as well pat me on the head and say “there, there” while he tells me how much money he has saved and investments he’s making.
He has the ability to wipe out these payments to alleviate my stress but he doesn’t. Am I being taken for a ride so he can save thousands “for US” but if I ask for help he tells me it’s his money. Ive even offered monthly repayment options to pay him back if he helped me and he says “I’ll think about it” and nothing comes of it. This is a man wanting to marry me?? He tells me how good he is to me and I should be grateful but I can’t help feeling resentful that he watches me struggle and stress when he could stop that.

I’ve been through a lot in my life and I’m aware I’m vulnerable, so I want to know am I right to be annoyed or am I being a doormat?

a roof over your head which includes heating, electric, groceries and have the magical fairy clean your house, wash your clothes and cook you dinner for £600 a month

Presumably you were the one who decided that was a fair price to charge him?

I was working FT and with him WFH FT, we still struggled with housework etc so yes DP wants me PT.

This was a VERY bad decision you made, which benefits your partner (not a "dear" partner) and does nothing for you.

He gets looked after (more time for housework???? ) and gets to save his money. You are very financially vulnerable.

An adult couple "struggling" with housework??? Very silly - he sounds like a total incompetent and he's exploiting you.

You need to marry, or you need to get back to FT work. Or both.

You need to get a full time job, split the housework (is there any reason he can't chuck in a laundry at lunchtime?), and think longer term about whether you want to be with him because he sure as hell isn't going to hand over his cash willingly.

He doesn’t have children
He works full time
He is not on a high income

I am not surprised he wants to channel his limited resources in to things for him rather than another adult fully capable of working more hours and her son

If i was his sister, id be asking him - is this a wise set up?

Get married?!?

I'd be re-thinking the 'partner' to be honest.
He's not pulling his weight and wants op to drop her pay (which has zero impact on his finances as he's a lodger rather than a proper partner who shares resources equally) to spend more looking after him.

I agree with this OP and hadn't seen all the details. He is not currently pulling his weight by the sounds of things. I think a clear conversation about the cost of housing needs to be had. Maybe add up all the bills and at least half them. Or better yet he buys all the food or similar, give him something he can do to be an actual help, paying off the debt I think might be too much for him as he will see that as yours but I think he needs to see that a fixed sum when food and power etc are constantly fluctuating is not fair. You are doing too much for him I think. Its really hard to see the wood for the trees sometimes when just trying to look after everyone and get through the day but a proper conversation with all the costs set out needs to be had along with recognising how much work goes into the house on your part.

You need to work full time and split costs properly. Don't be his maid when he's giving you nothing in return.

House work between 2 adults isn't that hard

OP, I hope you dont marry this man, he'll only be more unfair to you once he has you fully locked down.
I wouldn't be sharing a home or finances with this man.

Agree with so many others; as a single parent you're in no position to be working part time and relying on a man who isn't your son's father

Obviously if he wasn't around you'd have to make your own arrangements, and difficult as it is this is probably what you'll need to do

He's not being unfair to her at all.

The child isn't his. OP has gone part time to spend more time with her child and to walk her dog. Fair enough but she needs to be able to support herself through that.

You can not afford to work part time as he is not willing to support you financially

🤣🤣😅 love it

Get a grip and get a full time job.

Go full time… simple.

There's no way in hell I'd be going part time to do more housework.

If you were a stay at home mum, married and your DC was his child, then there's. Slightly stronger argument but as it is, you've made a very foolish decision to work less to solve a problem that was a joint problem to solve. Id suggest getting a cleaner and going back FT would be a much better option.

Never ever reduce your earning capacity to make life easy for a man.

I really am sorry to read this. You can work out a payment plan for your debts. As you have previously been a good payer, and are still working, albeit part time, banks etc, will help you. I have known many who have done that.

However it was not a good idea to go part-time, your partner should not have encouraged that unless no suitable full time job was available. I get that you are too well qualified for some positions but keep looking, something may turn up.

Your man has no obligation to help you but I do think he is mean not to. People help family members, and friends, quite often with more than you are wanting; it wouldn't kill him to bung you a few quid. I bet you would do it for him if things were reversed,

When you are 'sorted', re-assess your relationship.

Chin up girl, better things are ahead.

it would appear not.

Dogs, housework, one ND school aged child

OP its not clear whats going on here, do you have any income how are you paying the rent? What is the £600 for, is that all he is paying towards rent and bills?

Anyway going part time to do more housework for a man who is happy to see you in poverty is not a wise move. I think you need to find another proper job and frankly if all he is paying is £600 he needs to move out now, a lodger would contribute more.

If you live together he is being unreasonable. Its not a real partnership if he wants you to be the unpaid housekeeper. Go back to work FT and tell him to pay for a cleaner. I would think twice about marrying someone like that, whats the point if its all separate?

@BeMellowDreamer nearly every response has said go back full time. Do you agree?

after seeing this reply it’s clear the issue is that your partner isn’t pulling his weight. Don’t cut your hours and salary to accommodate his laziness.

sit down and write up all domestic duties including the food shop, dog walking, cleaning etc and share them out equally.

I doubt his marriage talk is for real.
it just keeps her sweet.

OP, I actually think you're right to be frustrated. No, not his son, but if you live together and he wants you to go part time to have more time for house work and dog walking, he also needs to help you financially. Otherwise you need to look for full time work, but make it plain and clear to him that he'll be doing half of the house work and dog walks. He can't have it both ways.