He has loads of money while I struggle, am I right to be annoyed?

[BeMellowDreamer]

We’re together 3.5 years, I recently lost my FT job and after discussing we decided I should look for a PT job so I have more time to do housework, help my son (from previous relationship) with homework’s and bringing him to his after school clubs and walk our dog.
Due to the unexpected job loss I’m now behind on a few payments which is causing my credit rating to drop, I’m stressed and cry over it. I’ve been rejected from entry level jobs because I’m over qualified. DP may as well pat me on the head and say “there, there” while he tells me how much money he has saved and investments he’s making.
He has the ability to wipe out these payments to alleviate my stress but he doesn’t. Am I being taken for a ride so he can save thousands “for US” but if I ask for help he tells me it’s his money. Ive even offered monthly repayment options to pay him back if he helped me and he says “I’ll think about it” and nothing comes of it. This is a man wanting to marry me?? He tells me how good he is to me and I should be grateful but I can’t help feeling resentful that he watches me struggle and stress when he could stop that.

I’ve been through a lot in my life and I’m aware I’m vulnerable, so I want to know am I right to be annoyed or am I being a doormat?

Please ignore the hanky sniffling, nose dabbing naysayers, OP - They are uptight because they live in loveless relationships where they probably aren't getting any meaningful sex and know that if they were to lose their jobs, their own partners would leave them in the gutters. They are projecting.

You are worth more than this cocklodging, controlling, financially abusive C*nt. Kick him out, get a debt plan with Step Change/PayPlan (free debt charities), claim UC for you, DLA for your son and wave goodbye to this penny-pinching tuppence-off-tim. You don't need him. A vibrator will do the job and it can't answer back.

You need to find a full-time job and then run as fast as you can. He is a grudging, controlling individual who will only get worse.

I went P/T for health reasons but the idea was that I would do the lion's share of cooking/cleaning/gardening so that the DH could have downtime when he came home - but if he then was unpleasant about being the main breadwinner there would definitely be sharp words.

There's a lot going on here.

1. If you can't afford to go PT why are you PT?
2. He's not obliged to support your son. Your sons homework and your housework and your dog don't sound like an impediment to FT.
3. If he's boasting about money and not giving you a straight answer about helping you, why are you with him?
4. If he's boasting about hid money, and telling you to be grateful just for his presence why are you with him
5. You sound entitled. He sounds like kinda a bully

@Laura95167 what part of the house work and dog work aren't also his responsibility? Do you think step parents have no responsibility to the children they live with? Honestly, everyday misogyny from a woman is shitty.

I didnt say the housework and the dog weren't his responsibility too? I said I didn't see how they were an impediment to OP working FT if she can't afford to be PT. Until OP lost her job they were both FT. And presumably house was cleaned and dog was walked

And they aren't married, it's not his stepchild. But as you ask no, I don't think step parents have an obligation to stepchildren. If they choose to be a positive, supportive influence that's great and if they aren't I might wonder what the parent sees in their partner. But I don't think a parents BF has an obligation for a child that isn't theirs. And again all OP mentions is helping with homework and taking DC to after school clubs, there's a massive difference in her BF not doing those 2 things and not bothering with/being responsible for her DC. Again, if you read my answer I didn't say he's a good partner, I actually said he sounds like a bully from what she's said so far however neither she not her DC are entitled to his money if he doesn't want to share it. And if that's a deal breaker why is she with him

Honestly, judging strangers on the Internet for something you infered about their comment (that they didn't actually say) is shitty.

Stay independent and find a full time job or 2 part time jobs you can do. Never rely on any one else or expect anyone else to help you out because the sad reality is they won't. I learnt this lesson. I certainly wouldn't be in a relationship with a man whose first thought wasn't to offer help whether financial or not. I am willing to help anyone I love who I can see is struggling and unde stress. If he really loved you he would have already helped you. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh but that's the reality. Look after yourself and your son first, drop the selfish loser and sooner or later the right person will come along who will treat you like a queen x

So you do more house and home stuff and he doesn't help finance that? Yes that's financial abuse. You need to end this relationship @BeMellowDreamer your DP is no partner, he's an AH.

@BeMellowDreamer ignore the unnecessary comments. If its an agreed decision between you and your partner and your both happy for you to work PT then dont let anyone make you feel bad for doing that. In regards to your dp not helping your financially I would ask him if he would rather you get a loan out to help cover you and have to pay interest which would then have you paying out more money in the long run, or is he willing to step up and help you and relieve some of the stress, as you said your willing to pay him back monthly - maybe work out how much you can afford to pay pm and set up a standing order so he knows you've really thought through how much you can pay him .

Also have you thought about doing things on the side to help bulk up your monthly income, e.g selling on vinted - can be really helpful as you wont get taxed unless making more than £1000pm, doing food deliveries for a few hours in the evenings etc.

Hope you manage to sort something x

The underlying issue here is that you are financially independent/you don't pool your financial resources so why did you decide to work part-time if you couldn't afford to?
Given your financial arrangement I can see why he doesnt feel an obligation to give you a bung. You need to get out there and increase your earnings.

He needs to up his £600 payment to you. He is basically living in a house share with benefits.
do not marry him and have him control you more.
job market is tough right now. Have you though about volunteering as you have something current to put on a CV as when I was unemployed, as soon as I had volunteering on there I started getting job interviews. It was the only thing that changed.

No one made her. What kind of discussion was there?

"The house is a right mess DP. I can't work full time, walk the dog and do all the cleaning. You either need to do some or I need to cut my hours"

"Cut your hours then"

I imagine was the discussion in a nutshell, because clearly there was zero agreement that he would make up any shortfall in her wages. He just didn't object to her changing her work hours. He's just on to a good thing with cheap rent and full board at her house. That's why he's there. Pretty clear he's got no interest in an equal partnership, he's just taking his easy ride and saving money for a future relationship he will be committing and contributing too. Because it's not this one.

It's clear she doesn't want to work and has no intention of going back FT even though she very clearly needs too. That's why it's his fault he's not giving her the shortfall in her wages, instead of her actually supporting herself like she should. She's ignoring every single post telling her she needs to get a proper job again and support herself. And stop letting another adult leech off her for £600 a month then complaining she's got no money.

Gave up work to walk to dog and to help with homework. Seriously.