Sons want money from my house when/if I sell

[Helenrowena]

We live in quite a large house and we are thinking of downsizing. If anything crops up that we like that is.

I did mention in passing to my 2 sons that if we go from current 5 bed house to a 2 bed place it would free up a lot of capital .
I am hoping to top up my and husband's pensions with the capital and maybe try and get a holiday. We haven't had a holiday since 2007.
In addition I am my husband's carer as he had a brain injury in 2010.
Also we have a daughter who is bedbound and lives in a care home,plus 2 other daughters who have special needs
So we have had a lot of worries.
However, both sons have been asking for some of the capital of the proposed sale of our house,in effect getting some of their inheritance early. They are wanting about £100,000 each to buy a flat each. This would not leave me much left for topping up pensions .
What would you do? They keep asking about it.

Under Scots law, children are entitled to one third of the parents' moveable estate divided amongst them, no matter what is in the will. This includes any vehicle. (That's why my late husband told the car salesman to put our new car in my name when we bought it 6 years ago. I have no children, but he had two.)

Inheritance tax is the same as in England.

OP needs to see a lawyer in order to protect the moveable estate so that the spouse who is left behind doesn't lose out to the greedy sons. (The children don't have to take their 'legal entitlement'. Many decline. I'll bet those two will grab it with both hands.)

They can't get their hands on bricks and mortar unless it's left to them.

Nope. The equity would be to make your lives easier, not theirs. They are clearly circling around because they want the money. The simple answer is no

Inform your sons that you are still alive and any money you have or gain from selling will be used to live on seeing as you are, like I said, still living.

You have four dependants OP. You need all the money to cushion you for what will likely be lifetime obligations.

But I'll take your advice and will take time to think about things.

Time needed to think about things? About 15 seconds. Just long enough to decide how you're going to say no.

They’re delulu. Remind them that they are employed and not disabled. They’re going to have to save like you did even if times are a bit different, and that way they won’t be financially obligated to look after you two in your old age and their disabled sisters when you are no longer able.

*Or even better, tell them that you’ll think about it only if they sign legally-binding contracts obliging them to support you, DH and the girls when you are no longer able, and that the originals of these contracts would be held by the solicitors handling your wills and advanced health directives.

Well their first mistake is believing there’s such a thing as “their inheritance” when you’re very much alive and in need of your own money. They have no claim to your money, whether you downsize or not.
I’d be putting them straight: an inheritance is something they receive when you die, IF you decide to leave anything to them.

Wow, how rude of them!
firstly why would they need £100k for a deposit?! That's ridiculous.
Secondly it's not their money.
Thirdly you have other children who need it more than they do. How entitled!

I'd ask them if they plan on paying for their siblings or father should you die earlier than expected... I bet the answer will be a stuttered and horrified 'no! Haven't you sorted that out?!'...

And you say 'yes, we invested in property. SO there is no 'spare cash' nor is there likely to be 'an inheritance' for you... jog on you grabby little shits!'...

It's your money, not theirs!

They should make their own money.

If you've any money left in your estate when you're no longer alive, THEN is when they get it.

If my son's said a similar thing, I'd be tempted to cut them out of my will.

You have five children, and I feel like you need to remind these adults of that!

You don’t have to explain your finances to anyone, least of all grabby, selfish adult offspring.

You will need your money for yours and husband's needs in later life! Also, what are the tax implications of doing this, and how would you safeguard what’s left once you die? And I really feel like these adults offspring would contest any Will you made!

I recall a recent thread about Wills and how in Scotland you can’t disinherit people? I think you need legal and financial advice around this.

Where are your other 2 daughters with special needs? I presume they don’t live at home, as you don’t mention them and a 2 bed place would be too small I think for 4 adults.

If your adult male offspring want to have such a large sum of money from you, perhaps remind them, that you and your husband worked to save a deposit and pay off a mortgage, but that if they wanted to each pay the equivalent of 50% of the mortgage and interest for the 25 years or whatever, that you held a mortgage, you would be more than happy to give them the money from the sale. Because, that’s the only real way that people make money from property, they work hard, save a deposit and pay a mortgage off! These two want all the profit without the hard work!

The OP doesn't need to compromise. She owes her sons nothing, and has more important priorities.

That sounds like a recipe for elder abuse.

If you don’t have wills please get them done and do not name either son executor, ask a trusted professional/ friend.

I would not advance them money and I’d tell them so. Their reaction may inform your decisions with regard to your will. They certainly should not be getting more or an advance on their sisters.

I hope you will enjoy more holidays with your husband with the money you have accrued over the years.

You may want or need domiciliary support as you age, even if just a cleaner and if either of you need a nursing home would you want to stuck in whichever Local Authority one has space or have the choice to top up one of your choosing? You don’t know what lies ahead and unless you have over about £2,000,000 in savings or are late 80s or older, I wouldn’t advance more than a couple of thousand to each (5/5) child but perhaps not even that. With waiting lists as they are we have friends who have stretched themselves to pay for private hip surgery rather than wait 3 years in pain with impacted mobility. Do you think your sons would advance you £12,500 for private treatment? Would they pay private nursing home fees for either of you? I wouldn’t bank on it myself on their behaviour as described.

As your daughters have additional needs you may need to look into leaving money in Trust for them so it doesn’t impact on any means tested benefits they may rely on now or in the future. As social and therapeutic care is cut to the bone and likely to get worse, my main concern would be securing my daughters’ access to the care and equipment they may need.

I have two daughters. One has very severe disabilities. My first will left the vast majority of my estate in Trust for her, - with her sister’s blessing and approval. Circumstances have since secured my disabled daughter’s financial future and I changed my will so that her sister inherits the majority of my estate.

I think given your particular set of circumstances gifting anything at this stage could cause problems re depreciation of assets. Inheritance tax and depreciation of assets for care purposes are different rules but as there is already a need for care within the family I don't think it would in anyway be possible to gift anything without it being flagged later. The rules are all aside from the fact that again given your set of circumstances it is incredibly grabby of your two sons to expect anything never mind having it now. This will definitely become a situation where you have to look at being equitable in the future rather than everyone getting the same if it even comes to the point where there's an inheritance to leave.

I would absolutely not do this. You may need the money for your many responsibilities, as well as the interest you would miss out on would be huge. This amount may outstripe any inheritance you might be able to leave.
Take your well deserved vacations.

Tell him you have decided not to sell and see if he returns to once a year visits

Well, that's an easy one - tell them the answer is a resounding NO.

What is wrong with people? They will get their inheritance - if they are lucky - in the usual way. Do not compromise your own financial stability for these CFs.

There may come a time when you're not able to act as your husband's carer or when you may need care yourself. That money has to last you through all sorts of scenarios that your sons aren't old enough to imagine yet. My answer would be a resounding no.

I would take legal advice to ensure I could leave those two greedy vultures with nothing. Neither my husband nor I would have raised the question with our parents and certainly my sons haven't raised the question with us. I think your daughters must be your priority as their need is greater and you and your husband need to live a little with a few holidays in the sun or as many as you can manage. Your sons are deeply unreasonable.

They’re taking the piss! You have children who need to be taken care of.

However, both sons have been asking for some of the capital of the proposed sale of our house,in effect getting some of their inheritance early. They are wanting about £100,000 each to buy a flat each. This would not leave me much left for topping up pensions .

There is no guarantee of an inheritance, so what they’re actually asking you to do is prioritise two healthy sons over 3 daughters that have special needs/bedbound.

There is massive male entitlement at play here, they haven’t even considered their sisters’ needs.

Please say no.

I always think that if parents can afford it, surely it’s better to see your kids settled with an early inheritance than them waiting years until you’ve died and get the money when they don’t need it the most. My parents generation I think don’t even consider giving early inheritance, but I think our generation (eg I’m 46) more likely to, probably because it’s now much tougher out there.

My mum has probably 50-60k in the bank and 2 children living in flats, wanting to buy but one child (my brother) in a low paid job and a toddler in a small flat) and me in a well paid job but living in South east. If I was in her boat I’d probably offer some early inheritance but I would never ever ask for it. I think if I’m say 10k short she would loan me the money, and has offered to help if needed. She’s unlikely to need the money as doesn’t go on holiday anymore or rarely leave the house. Totally her choice as it is yours. If you’re going to leave yourself short, say no sorry you can’t have it

Looking at your parents as a cash cow with pound signs in their eyes rather than what's best for the parents is disgusting behaviour. Leave the money to your pet if you have one.