Sons want money from my house when/if I sell

[Helenrowena]

We live in quite a large house and we are thinking of downsizing. If anything crops up that we like that is.

I did mention in passing to my 2 sons that if we go from current 5 bed house to a 2 bed place it would free up a lot of capital .
I am hoping to top up my and husband's pensions with the capital and maybe try and get a holiday. We haven't had a holiday since 2007.
In addition I am my husband's carer as he had a brain injury in 2010.
Also we have a daughter who is bedbound and lives in a care home,plus 2 other daughters who have special needs
So we have had a lot of worries.
However, both sons have been asking for some of the capital of the proposed sale of our house,in effect getting some of their inheritance early. They are wanting about £100,000 each to buy a flat each. This would not leave me much left for topping up pensions .
What would you do? They keep asking about it.

You need to tell them something like 'lads, we don't have enough money to be giving any away. When I talked about freeing up capital it was because we need to free up money to be able to live day to day.'

You can apologise for the 'misunderstanding' if you want, but they're beyond cheeky to not only ask for money that it's obvious you need, but also specifying that they want a huge amount!

You need to look after number one, as in yourself, your partner and the children who require care.

Greedy little toe rags.....

YOU need that money! The whole idea of downsizing is to free up money for your NEEDS, not their greedy little WANTS!

I couldn't ever imagine asking my parents for money, grabby little sods.

£100k each?!? the reply would be a firm no. Maybe £10k if affordable towards a deposit but £100 is outrageous. You can get a decent house/flat in Aberdeen for about £170 mark, I suggest he gets saving.

What will happen to your daughters if you downsize? It sounds like they're still living with you?

I would tell them to get lost, cheeky blighters

Same here. Cheeky!

You might ask for a lift to the airport, you may ask someone to look after your cat when you go on holiday, but who asks for £100k for a deposit for a flat in Aberdeen? And that's one hell of a "flat" with a £100k deposit.

Circumstances change, you have plenty of variables already going on and you are unable to know what the demands will be on that money going forward for you and your DH, and it's absolutely your perogative not to hand it over as a result of unwanted demands.

Don't give them any further insight into your financial situation.

Did they pay your mortgage for 20+ years then?

Pair of cheeky grabby feckers

Your life sounds really tough. Please don't let those two make it harder. You don't owe them anything at all and you need to sort your own finances out before you even think about giving anyone else some.

I’d tell them to piss off.

And then I’d change my will and leave it to the cats home.

People who feel they’re entitled to their parents’ money are just vultures and they don’t deserve a penny. Not even after my death.

Tell them no you can't afford it, they will get whatever is left when the time comes. X

I suppose because if my adult sons asked for money in this way, I would want to explain until they were bored to tears what the money is needed for so they could never again assume any right to it, or think I was being mean or greedy. Making people understand the details of something they are being very selfish about can stop them justifying that train of thought again.

When my parents came into an inheritance they gave me money to buy a flat, but with a declaration of trust that I was to pay £X back a month 0% interest and a marker on the property so that if I sold it before paying them back fully they got their money first. This worked well for us as it gave me security and they didn't need access to the money until they retired so tying it up with me meant it didn't get wasted. Longer term it means that I won't get any inheritance and I'll have paid them the money back, hopefully they live long enough to spend the cash and my brother will inherit their similarly valued property.

In your situation I might do the same but with a flat for them to share, not one each, but the fact that they asked, and mentioned it repeatedly would mean I wouldn't want to give them anything.

I would be more inclined to put it in a trust for the girls that have a lower earning potential to ease their lifestyles

"No"

I can't believe two healthy and able employed men would ask their put upon mother for this.
Shameful.

Nonsense. OP has more important responsibilities.

If they need money let them get second jobs. Not hound their poor mother.

I'd give them £10k each towards a deposit.

I'd tell them to sod off and work for it like you and your husband had to.Cheeky gits!!!

They should be absolutely ashamed of themselves. Disgusting behaviour.

If they’re looking 100k each it sounds like your plan to downsize would free up a considerable amount. If that is the case and they were involved in the care of your husband and their sisters and you could trust them to pick up the slack as you get older, I would without hesitation give them 10-20k each for help with a deposit. But as it seems that their expectations are, shall we say, pie in the sky and they offer little in the way of practical or emotional support, I would have little hesitation in saying “we’re not in a position to help you in that way”. What are they going to do, not talk to you some more?

Absolutely not. That is your money - you never know what you might need it for in the future. I actually can't believe how much they're expecting - I'm really shocked!

Offering them 10K each to help get a deposit together would be generous and also make a significant difference - it can be tough to save with rents as high as they are -

But no way do you have to jeopardise your own life because your sons are greedy. It's not a terrible idea to help a bit if you can afford it but 100K each is the most entitled thing I've ever heard unless you haven't mentioned that your house is worth 3 million or something... although even then it's still an absurd request. They should buy cheaper flats if they think they need that much.

Wow I feel like the people commenting on this thread are a bit out of touch with the situation for young people at the moment!
Rent is astronomical, house prices are insane, mortgages rates are high. Tenancies are so insecure young people are being forced to start a family later and later.
OP's generation have benefited from this huge house price increase. That's why OP is able to live in a 5 bed house, while her son's can't even afford a flat without help.

-OP, treat all your children fairly. Give your son's as much as you can afford thinking about yourself and their siblings. Take a holiday but maybe not a £100,000 one! :) remember things are really tough for young people at the moment.