Sons want money from my house when/if I sell

[Helenrowena]

We live in quite a large house and we are thinking of downsizing. If anything crops up that we like that is.

I did mention in passing to my 2 sons that if we go from current 5 bed house to a 2 bed place it would free up a lot of capital .
I am hoping to top up my and husband's pensions with the capital and maybe try and get a holiday. We haven't had a holiday since 2007.
In addition I am my husband's carer as he had a brain injury in 2010.
Also we have a daughter who is bedbound and lives in a care home,plus 2 other daughters who have special needs
So we have had a lot of worries.
However, both sons have been asking for some of the capital of the proposed sale of our house,in effect getting some of their inheritance early. They are wanting about £100,000 each to buy a flat each. This would not leave me much left for topping up pensions .
What would you do? They keep asking about it.

Gosh. Talk to them. How did you find out? Did they say it to your face?
Time to put them straight. They sound very selfish to be assuming you don’t need your own money!

Tell them no, cheeky gits! Tell them you have other commitments that means you may need need that money at a later date. If you're feeling generous, you give all your kids (who would be able to use it) a small amount each, but I really wouldn't go down the route if 100,000 each!

I'd get my kids on the property ladder. I consider that a good use of money - they wouldn't be getting it for something else though.

Tell them no - you've got your pensions and husband to think about, and your daughters with needs. They're being selfish and not thinking about what's best for you, only for them.

I'd be having a conversation with them sooner rather than later about keeping their greedy ways away from you.
Bloody vultures.
Tell them their inheritance will come in due course but until then, it's your money and nothing to do with them.

That’s so grim. You tell them no. And to stop bloody bringing it up again. Greedy bastards.

Greedy beggars - you don't know how much you are going to need especially if your husband hasn't had a payout to cover his care needs. They can wait until you sell up, sort out your pensions, ensure your other 3 children have their needs met and that you both have what you need to live out your lives in the manner that you want to. If, and only if, there is money left over you could possibly consider helping them out. £100k each is a ridiculous amount however.

Wow. That's such CF behaviour

But what about the 3 daughters? You can’t just give money to your sons. They sound entitled & selfish. Just tell them, no.

That’s all well and good if you have a lot of money to spare, the OP doesn’t, she needs to look after her own, her sick husband and her children with special needs interest first, the sons are adults they can sort their own lives out, they sound entitled selfish brats, the nerve of them.

As a general principle I think downsizing to enable the next generation to get on the housing ladder is a good thing, but only if (and it's a big if) you already have solid provision for your own needs in later life. I do find it odd when wealthy parents watch their adult children struggle.

From what you've said in your OP I think you still have way too many uncertainties in your own future to gift such a significant amount to two of your children, especially when you have both a husband and other children with health needs. In the circumstances I'd be disappointed that the sons had even asked, given your situation.

Say no. It's not acceptable for them to ask you. Also not fair to give money to your two sons and not your daughters who will probably need continued support from you due to their needs I'm guessing? You have more than enough to cope with OP and you need to make sure you and your DH will be comfortable as you get older without worrying about money.

Your sons are cheeky. You need your money. Your plan for yourself sounds wise.

Inheritance is ‘what’s left’ after you’ve enjoyed your life & done what you want with your money. It’s not a given.

I would be telling them they’re really, really cheeky & to stop asking. That’s really not very nice.

That is really weird to be asking you for money, especially that much!! Do they have no pride?!

Tell them “I’m not dead yet, I’m keeping my own money thanks!”

Not many people can just give away £500,000. That's great that you can but that's a lot of money to most people.

Sorry lads but we have plans for our own money and change the subject. Do not engage in any discussion..

I'd tell them to piss off

Tell them to feck off. Based on what you've said there won't be any inheritance because care needs of one form or another come first never mind getting their inheritance early.

Say no? You have plans for the money.

Maybe offer them 50k each. That would still be generous and help them towards getting a flat each.

Down size, fine

Give your son's money instead of topping up your own pension? Big fat nope.

Give money to able bodied sons over disabled daughters? Big fat nope.

Not a teeny tiny chance in hell. They won't be handing it back to pay for respite for your bed bound daughter if you need more regular respite as you get older.

Do not, I repeat not, hand the money over to your sons when you have disabled children depending on you. Circumstances may change and you may need to sort them more than the boys because their needs are greater.

Take financial advice regarding setting up a disabled persons trust to benefit your disabled children.

They both sound like greedy CF's. do thy think that they are entitled but not your daughters? Tell them that you need to plan for your retirement and if you have any money left over after your days you MAY leave them something in your will, and then leave them a tenner each.

They clearly have little idea about pensions and how much capital you will need if you don't have decent pension pots in place. Perhaps 'free up' has given them the wrong impression. Sounds like you need every penny and they need setting straight.

Where are they buying their flats? How much will they cost?

You can’t afford to give them this much money however, there maybe a way that you can help them realise their ambitions.

A loan drawn up by a solicitor. A smaller cash gift.

Don’t put yourself in financial stress but try and discuss a workable compromise.