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Original poster

Sons want money from my house when/if I sell

241 replies

Helenrowena · 20/11/2023 21:55

We live in quite a large house and we are thinking of downsizing. If anything crops up that we like that is.

I did mention in passing to my 2 sons that if we go from current 5 bed house to a 2 bed place it would free up a lot of capital .
I am hoping to top up my and husband's pensions with the capital and maybe try and get a holiday. We haven't had a holiday since 2007.
In addition I am my husband's carer as he had a brain injury in 2010.
Also we have a daughter who is bedbound and lives in a care home,plus 2 other daughters who have special needs
So we have had a lot of worries.
However, both sons have been asking for some of the capital of the proposed sale of our house,in effect getting some of their inheritance early. They are wanting about £100,000 each to buy a flat each. This would not leave me much left for topping up pensions .
What would you do? They keep asking about it.

OP posts:
ZekeZeke · 20/11/2023 22:11

Stop telling them your business.

momtoboys · 20/11/2023 22:11

tescocreditcard · 20/11/2023 21:59

I'd get my kids on the property ladder. I consider that a good use of money - they wouldn't be getting it for something else though.

While getting them on the property ladder sounds good in theory, there is no way I would do that to my own detriment in my advanced years. Tell them to sod off.

tescocreditcard · 20/11/2023 22:12

EdgarsTale · 20/11/2023 22:04

But what about the 3 daughters? You can’t just give money to your sons. They sound entitled & selfish. Just tell them, no.

Show quote history

What I mean is that I would take what I needed and then what was left i'd divide into 5 and give it to the kids i they needed it for a house deposit. But I'd take what I needed first.

Offleyhoo · 20/11/2023 22:13

What the heck? Hard no. Sorry but we need the money now and to provide for our future, please don't ask us again.

biscuitnut · 20/11/2023 22:14

I would tell them to piss off. Bloody nerve. I wouldn’t dream of putting my parents in this position. Old age is full of uncertainties, you have no idea how much money you will need. Don’t be bullied op.

idontlikealdi · 20/11/2023 22:14

They need to get back in their boxes. How entitled are they?

BecauseTheWorld · 20/11/2023 22:14

Option 1. Say no.
Option 2. Say yes but stipulate that you and DH will have to live with them as your pensions aren’t enough to live independently. They can choose between them who you live with and the other can accommodate their siblings.

theduchessofspork · 20/11/2023 22:15

Blimey they are a couple of cheeky fuckers

No one should suggest this, but least of all to a person with your level of care responsibilities

Tell them very firmly that the capital is needed for care, so they have to sort themselves out. It’s upsetting so please don’t mention it again.

GreatGateauxsby · 20/11/2023 22:17
  1. Stop telling them your business
  2. under no circumstances give them 100k

they are able bodied adults that want to sponge off a disabled man and his carer wife.

They should be embarrassed and ashamed of themselves.

Rainforest453 · 20/11/2023 22:21

That is really cheeky. I wouldn't dream of doing that. Knowing the circumstances with their sisters and their father, they still have the nerve to ask for 100k each to buy a flat :/ I wouldn't do it OP. Tell them you have made plans for the money already and it will not be possible to give them that amount, end of discussion! You shouldn't be made to feel pressured

Makemydaypunk · 20/11/2023 22:25

And what’s the betting once you are dead they will still be demanding ‘their share’ of the remnants of what money is left, screwing over your other children yet again.

TidalShore · 20/11/2023 22:32

By you telling them downsizing would "free up a lot of capital" did they think you were hinting they'd get something?

Where do they live now? Asking for something when they already rent somewhere is somewhat different to if they currently live in that 5 bed house with you, and by downsizing they'd be out on their ear.

Does 100k buy a flat outright, or are they hoping for a (large) deposit towards a mortgage?

SleepingStandingUp · 20/11/2023 22:37

"I'm sorry, but when I said free up capital, I meant lift some of the heavy burden from me financially. I don't know if you or the girls will end up with anything to inherit because we never know the future and certainly right now I'm not on a position to be giving away your dad's security"

Hibiscrubbed · 20/11/2023 22:40

You have a husband with a brain injury, a daughter so ill she’s bed bound and two other daughters with special needs… and your two healthy sons are sniffing around the money from the sale of the house? They can get fucked.

Dotcheck · 20/11/2023 22:44

Jesus- how extraordinary that they expect that much cash from you. There’s good replies on here, but definitely be direct: ‘nope, we need our money to help support us in our retirement’.

I cannot believe they feel they are entitled 😱

Original poster
Helenrowena · 20/11/2023 22:47

One lives in Edinburgh and the other in Aberdeen,and both have jobs.
I think it would just be a deposit in order to get a mortgage.
But I'll take your advice and will take time to think about things. Funny how the elder son is so much in touch at the moment. I usually never hear from him except for one visit a year.

OP posts:
TotalOverhaul · 20/11/2023 22:50

Explain the reality of your outgoings - no income from husband. Increasing burden on you to provide top up care will mean your earning potential is limited and should either or both of you need residential care in the future, you'll be looking at around £150k a year for the pair of you, with costs rising. If you can, offer them some money towards a deposit but not more than you can afford.

Dotcheck · 20/11/2023 22:52

TotalOverhaul · 20/11/2023 22:50

Explain the reality of your outgoings - no income from husband. Increasing burden on you to provide top up care will mean your earning potential is limited and should either or both of you need residential care in the future, you'll be looking at around £150k a year for the pair of you, with costs rising. If you can, offer them some money towards a deposit but not more than you can afford.

Why should she do any of that. She owes them no explanation

justasmalltownmum · 20/11/2023 22:54

You tell them no! How bloody rude.

VeryQuaintIrene · 20/11/2023 22:56

Grabby as hell. They can wait until you are sure you aren't going to need it for your own lives.

PosterBoy · 20/11/2023 22:58

Sounds a better idea than putting it into pensions in your case, or giving it to children with special needs and for whom a large cash amount would be problematic.
Have you looked into other ways of investing it and considered the impact on any benefits and future care packages?

sixteenfurryfeet · 20/11/2023 22:59

I'm assuming you are also in Scotland (and I don't know anything about Scottish law and tax rules), but you need some legal and financial advice about what is and isn't feasible, otherwise you could end up with a massive tax bill or other unforeseen problems.

zeibesaffron · 20/11/2023 23:01

Simple the answer is no!!

There is no need to have a discussion about this - they are perfectly capable of saving their own money and buying a house/ flat then (like the rest of us have too!)

How dare they put you in this position!! You spend YOUR money how you choose too - you make your lives as easy as they can be.

Do not be bullied by this entitled, shitty behaviour xx

Restinggoddess · 20/11/2023 23:01

You need to get some independent fianaxial advice
In the first instance you make sure your pension is topped up - within the limit that’s allowed
Then find ways to pass on money - if you want to - that is the most tax efficient way
Suggest also a solicitor to sort wills and inheritance as in effect if you pass money I to sons and not daughter you need to be clear what will happen in the future

You did mention money and it is tough to on get on the housing ladder BUT you need financial advice to avoid any tax issues and inheritance issues
Ultimately your decision

StJulian2023 · 20/11/2023 23:02

Tbh their attitude would make it mighty tempting to write them out of your will, imo

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