was dh a dick to react like this

[stellaeffort]

Good morning

So I need to get some perspective on this.

Dh and I have been married for 10 years. 1 DS and 1 DD. A happy marriage ( or so I thought) with no real issues.

We have a credit card. It’s actually a card that belonged to him, however I was added as a joint card holder many years ago and it’s kind of been ‘our’ card, if that makes sense. I definitely use it more than him and I also pay the bill out of my bank each via direct debit.
At the moment there is about 7k on there which is more than I’d like, but there is a reason for that. Dh must get the statements etc so I assume he knows. We both have a card and we don’t really discuss who spends what. I pay the bill as I earn more so I am happy to pay for a few extra things. It doesn’t bother me what dh has spent, I just see it as ‘our’ bill. There is no real reason why we use this card and me not just get my own - it's just kind of a situation that we have falled into. We have other accounts/financial products that are joint and also some individual ones ( I have a car loan)

Yesterday dh had the credit card statement emailed. Again, I am assume he gets this every month? He got really arsey with me about it and started questioning the transactions etc – why did you buy this etc etc etc. I was really shocked as we have never been like that with each other.

It ended up in a row with me telling him to fuck off. I have cut up the card and will not use it again. I reminded him that I pay the bill, which is know is a childish comment as we are married. He has not paid a penny towards that card for many many years. I am fine with that, but I don’t expect to be treated like a twat. I appreciate that it's debt in his name, but I really struggle with that being an issue as we are married and are supposed to be a team. There have been times when he has had things in my name. His car loan was actually in my name as I got offered a better rate - no problem as it saved us money.

I am going to get my own card and transfer the balance from it into my name.

Aibu or was he wrong to have a go at me?

£300 contribution a month to the household and then he’s questioning your spending!!! He’s got be be joking

Forgive me if I've misunderstood and he was using the card too and expecting you to pay it off. 3

But if he hasn't been using the card and didn't know that you were using it, then
I can imagine not bothering to open credit card statements that I expect to have a zero balance on them so I don't blame him for not looking at every one.

In fact, I get monthly statements from my kids' bank accounts, but only my husband and I have access to them so I don't always open them because I know how much is in there and I trust my husband not to withdraw money from them.

I also expect that if my husband suggests and plans a trip, buys clothes for the kids, pays for something while we're out, etc that he has the means to pay for it organised or that he will discuss it with me if it's a joint purchase.

If he used the kids' money for these things, then claimed that it was my fault because I didn't ask him how he was paying for things and I didn't check the statements for their account, I would be livid.

That poster always appears on threads like this and always finds a way to blame the man. Regardless of the facts, or the absence of information. They’re a name I see regularly doing that…

OP It looks like spending in your household isn't as structured as it could be, if your husband is only paying £300/m and you're paying everything else.

I'd suggest you speak to a debt organisation like Stepchange or put together a spreadsheet with both your incomes and all detailed expenditures from both of you. Then sit and speak to him as an equal showing him exactly what the costs of running your lives are. Maybe have your own personal accounts after money has been paid into a joint account. £300 is very little per month (he'd be unlikely to pay for a room in a house for that).

He needs to step up more financially perhaps, paying into the joint account and savings a fair percentage of his salary so, if you are the higher earner then depending on your different earnings you'd pay 65% and he'd pay 35% so he begins to take a more equal responsibility for your family's running costs.

Also you both need to communicate more clearly and more regularly so you both have a better picture of your financial health. Good luck - I hope you're able to talk to each other 🌹

I don’t know, does he? Is he looking after rhe kids, ls he Disabled? You seem to know, so can you tell us, as it appears the ops done a runner, but you’re posting like you know, so do share/

I'd be worried about 7k debt....
You really need to communicate better

He pays £300 a month to the house ???? He uses your debit card gets any usage on “his” credit by himself eld paid for him . For dinner holidays that he doesn’t have worry about booking organising spending money or how it will be paid and he has a cheek to start . Wow

do a balance transfer to your own card and tally up what his portion of it is .
part of holiday part of the kids holiday anything else that involves him as part of the family or spending of his own. Then get extra off him a month for this .

Also order a new debit Card and cancel the old one he can use his own money on amazon