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Original poster

Aibu to want to spend this much on an engagement ring? (Honest advice please)

314 replies

Notsureiftheringistoomuch · 10/02/2020 18:14

Hello, not sure if this is the best place to post this or not... have name changed anywho

Basically, I have an issue. Me and DP have been discussing engagement/marriage and we are pretty much on the same page for all budgeting aspects, both have the same idea of how much we want to spend on wedding/honeymoon etc. We both earn good money, not obscene amounts by any means but combined income of ~£80kish, both on similar salaries. Basically we are in a good position financially but we also dont go around splashing money for no reason on pointless things, eg we go on one relatively cheap holiday once per year, dont have a brand new car etc. Live within our means with a nice quality of life.

I always told DP I dont want a really expensive engagement ring as it's a waste of money. Would tell him when we were discussing, dont spend more than £1,000. We have been looking at rings and I'm dismayed to say I have fallen in love with a £2,000 ring. :-(

Aibu to really want this ring? It is like one of those moments when people say they found "the one" eg when referring to a wedding dress/house/whatever. I feel guilty thinking my DP may spend that much on a ring (as he likes it too) and cant stop thinking that I'm being ridiculous/greedy/etc. I worry a little if he does buy this ring I will spend ages feeling bad about it because of the cost. Also worried DP will now feel like he must buy that ring no matter what as any other ring will just be a disappointment. I do feel if he got another ring I would still be really happy, not as happy as if I got the £2,000 one obviously, but still happy. But I feel like he would constantly be thinking I'm pretending to be happy if he got a cheaper one. Confused

Ultimately if everything goes to shit with our finances I dont care, I just want to marry him and spend the rest of my life with him no matter how rich/poor we are. I just feel very bratty for feeling this way over a stupid ring ffs

Does any of this make sense and if so can anyone offer any advice? Sad

OP posts:
Waterandlemonjuice · 10/02/2020 18:17

If you can afford it buy it.

MrsApplepants · 10/02/2020 18:18

Buy the ring you want, you’ll be looking at it long enough

caringcarer · 10/02/2020 18:19

You are not being unreasonable. Traditionally a man spends 3 months salary on an engagement ring. My dh spent £3700 on mine fifteen years ago and now worth £12k. Think of it as an investment. It will not go down in value. Make sure you get a certificate of authenticity with a diamond and it states the number and source of the diamond. If your fiance is happy to pay for the ring I would smile and accept it. Enjoy wearing your lovely ring, I do mine.

ChewChewIsMySpiritAnimal · 10/02/2020 18:20

Just buy it. You can afford it and you're going to be wearing it every day.

Ughmaybenot · 10/02/2020 18:20

As above, if you can afford it, go for it. You’ll wear it and look at it every day for the rest of your life with any luck so being completely in love with it is definitely the goal.
My DH spent more than he intended on my engagement ring, but it’s so worth it.

NemophilistRebel · 10/02/2020 18:20

similar salaries and i think mine was around £500, but if i fell in love with a more expensive one then maybe he would have spent more. i didnt see any reason to though.
if we earnt double or earnt half what we do i would still have the ring i have

Mossyfern · 10/02/2020 18:20

Tbh even £1k on a ring sounds ridiculous to me. But then I don't see the point in fancy jewellery. Wait a few weeks and see if your mind changes?

NemophilistRebel · 10/02/2020 18:21

dont ever get taken in by thinking it will be an investment, why would you ever sell an engagment ring unless all goes tits up?

chocolatesaltyballs22 · 10/02/2020 18:21

As others have said you will be looking at this ring every day of your life. If you can afford it, buy it.

MrsEricBana · 10/02/2020 18:23

I think get it too. You will wear it and love it every single day. It is not a waste at all. Enjoy! 💍

Tannerfamily · 10/02/2020 18:23

Get it, hopefully you will be wearing it for the rest of the your life.

user1471449295 · 10/02/2020 18:23

If you can afford the one you’ve fallen in love with, then definitely go for it. As PP have said, you will be wearing it and looking at it for hopefully the rest of your life.

puds11 · 10/02/2020 18:23

My ring was £30. But I really meant it when I said I didn’t want to spend a lot of money and I had no intention of wearing both a wedding band and an engagement ring.

Personally I’d rather light myself on fire than spend that on a ring but if you have the money, buy it. Better that than something you don’t really want.

AlternativePerspective · 10/02/2020 18:24

Having seen what second hand jewellery is worth there is no way I would spend that on a ring, ever. I know you’re not likely going to sell it but reality is that the prices are artificially inflated by de Beers, who also dreamed up the 1/2/3 times salary spent on a ring idea to sell more diamonds in the 30’s.

It’s once for the UK, twice for the states and three times for the Far East....

Either way it’s not a tradition, it’s a sales tactic.

LaurieFairyCake · 10/02/2020 18:25

Obviously buy it

Think of it this way. On your salary you have to work 8 days to get a ring you will wear for the rest of your life.

Seems obvious to me.

inthekitchensink · 10/02/2020 18:25

Put in half each?

chocolatesaltyballs22 · 10/02/2020 18:26

Always worth negotiating on price a bit though. You may get a couple of hundred off.

nodtik · 10/02/2020 18:26

Buy the ring if your dreams! You can there wear it with pride!

You didn't settle for second best with your man, so why settle for second best on your ring!

Windyone · 10/02/2020 18:27

Negotiate on the price. The mark up on jewellery is massive.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 10/02/2020 18:27

I wouldn’t buy it - not because of the cost as it sounds like you can afford it, but because I think you’ll link it to this uncertainty and guilt, and that probably means it’s not the one. If it was; you wouldn’t be doubting it this much.

Good luck finding a ring you love completely! I love mine.

Commonwasher · 10/02/2020 18:28

Somone said to me that the things worth spending money on re weddings are the photos and the rings as these last you a lifetime — get your ring and buy a cheaper dress.

RevealTheHiddenBeach · 10/02/2020 18:29

You literally look at it every day. Every Time you see the ring you fell in love with you will smile.

Spend the cash! Buy the special ring. No regerts.

GordonBennett20 · 10/02/2020 18:31

Definitely get it! You'll be looking at it for the rest of your life (hopefully!) So why wouldn't you want to get it especially seeing as you can afford it?

My ring cost more than that and we learnt way less than you!

cobwebsoncornices · 10/02/2020 18:31

How much do you have in savings? How much are you planning on spending on your wedding? How much will you regret this if your boiler blows up next week or if you fall in love with an expensive wedding dress and can't afford it because you've spent the money on a ring?
Have you tried antique shops? I got an "antique" which clearly wasn't very old at all and it was half the price of the new ones in the next door jewellers.

Murraygoldberg · 10/02/2020 18:32

If you want and afford it get it, you can pay half if it makes you feel better. I would cut back on other bits of the wedding rather than the ring. Hopefully you will wear the ring until you die, the chair covers, invites and favours, no one cares much on the actual day never mind years later

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