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Original poster

Aibu to want to spend this much on an engagement ring? (Honest advice please)

314 replies

Notsureiftheringistoomuch · 10/02/2020 18:14

Hello, not sure if this is the best place to post this or not... have name changed anywho

Basically, I have an issue. Me and DP have been discussing engagement/marriage and we are pretty much on the same page for all budgeting aspects, both have the same idea of how much we want to spend on wedding/honeymoon etc. We both earn good money, not obscene amounts by any means but combined income of ~£80kish, both on similar salaries. Basically we are in a good position financially but we also dont go around splashing money for no reason on pointless things, eg we go on one relatively cheap holiday once per year, dont have a brand new car etc. Live within our means with a nice quality of life.

I always told DP I dont want a really expensive engagement ring as it's a waste of money. Would tell him when we were discussing, dont spend more than £1,000. We have been looking at rings and I'm dismayed to say I have fallen in love with a £2,000 ring. :-(

Aibu to really want this ring? It is like one of those moments when people say they found "the one" eg when referring to a wedding dress/house/whatever. I feel guilty thinking my DP may spend that much on a ring (as he likes it too) and cant stop thinking that I'm being ridiculous/greedy/etc. I worry a little if he does buy this ring I will spend ages feeling bad about it because of the cost. Also worried DP will now feel like he must buy that ring no matter what as any other ring will just be a disappointment. I do feel if he got another ring I would still be really happy, not as happy as if I got the £2,000 one obviously, but still happy. But I feel like he would constantly be thinking I'm pretending to be happy if he got a cheaper one.

Ultimately if everything goes to shit with our finances I dont care, I just want to marry him and spend the rest of my life with him no matter how rich/poor we are. I just feel very bratty for feeling this way over a stupid ring ffs

Does any of this make sense and if so can anyone offer any advice?

OP posts:

icansmellburningleaves · 10/02/2020 19:19

I suppose it depends whether you’ll wear it every day. I really thought I would wear my engagement ring with my wedding ring every day. In reality though, I only ever wear my wedding ring which is a plain 2mm gold band. I’ve never really worn my engagement ring. It’s sat in a box for over 20 years. If you can afford it I would buy it.

Thatnovembernight · 10/02/2020 19:20

I’d totally buy it! You’ve got a great combined income. It’s the one thing you will wear every single day with every single outfit to every single occasion. I thought you were going to say £10k or so. Go for it!

Mamato2gorgeousboys · 10/02/2020 19:21

Get the ring!!! You’ll be wearing it every day for the rest of your life. It’s the one piece of jewellery in life where you should get the absolute best you can afford.

GOODCAT · 10/02/2020 19:23

What is it you love about the ring? Is it possible to take that element and find a less expensive, but more personal version? There are places that will make a nice engagement ring or resize a second hand one for you for less than £2k.

All that said if you can afford it and nothing else will feel right, get it.

TheFlis12345 · 10/02/2020 19:24

Buy it!! My engagement ring cost more than I originally thought I would be comfortable with but I look at it numerous times every single day and still grin like an idiot every time as I love it so much!

PeppaisaBitch · 10/02/2020 19:28

I got a vintage ring for £100. I love it and it was 'the one' I would not spend £2000 on a ring. Think of all the things you could do. I would rather have more wedding guests, more cake, more food, more excursions on honeymoon, more savings for a house, car kids. It's insane. But people on Mumsnet are rich and have £10000 rings so do what you like.

Lailaha · 10/02/2020 19:29

Don't count on it being an investment if it's a new ring. Insurance value and replacement value are very different things and the mark up on new jewellery is phenomenal. I'm my mother's daughter - never pay retail price on jewellery

Other than that - you can afford it, so why not, so long as you aren't justifying it on the grounds it'll increase in value. It may - but at two grand for a spanking new one, it's not very likely.

HuggedTheRedwoods · 10/02/2020 19:29

You like it, he likes it, you can afford it and will (I assume) wear it regularly so its a no brainer for me. Hopefully you will do this only once so dont settle for something else when it's not necessary or what you want.

Confuddledtown · 10/02/2020 19:29

If you can afford it, buy it. If it makes you feel better, you could cut £1k from some part of your wedding to compensate.

AliasGrape · 10/02/2020 19:31

Oh just get it.

I wasn’t arsed about a ring, told DH I’d be happy to wear a family ring I have. He really wanted to buy me a ring that was from him. My ring cost about that much, and we earn a good bit less than you guys.

I love my ring, love love love it. It makes me smile whenever I see it catch the light and I have just spent a few minutes admiring it again as a result of this thread. I get that diamonds/ engagement ring costs are hugely inflated, it’s all a marketing ploy, you’d be better off with a different stone or second hand or whatever, could have spent the money on more practical things etc etc. I do know all that but honestly, I don’t give a shit - the memories of choosing it together and DP doing a silly daft proposal over chips at the seaside and wearing it for the first time and everything it means and also how ridiculously pretty it is just outweigh all that stuff.

fedup21 · 10/02/2020 19:34

Do it-you’ll be wearing it for years. Get something you love that makes you happy!

Runnerduck34 · 10/02/2020 19:36

Buy it! It's an investment, will retain or increase in value and you'll wear it every day for the rest of your life, no need to feel guilty

anonacatchat · 10/02/2020 19:38

Look at London Diamonds , they are by far the best prices in the UK and extremely high quality .

Not tat from a high street jeweler .

A £2000 ring from a high street jeweler is probably worth about £700 from them!

Original poster

Notsureiftheringistoomuch · 10/02/2020 19:39

Ty for all the replies. Both me and DP feel it is too much to spend but we also really like it so are feeling torn iyswim? We can afford it, we currently have enough money in savings to pay for a wedding and both own one property each that we have owned since before we met each other (small 1st time buyer type bed properties, planning on selling both and buying a larger place together) Still cant help feeling it's a waste of money as we really aren't splashy-showy people at all though iyswim? (Prefer to spend our money on food than a nice car )

OP posts:

Thatnovembernight · 10/02/2020 19:40

Oh I also should have added, I would much rather increase my budget for something I was going to wear every day as opposed to a wedding dress I would wear for just one day. Ditto a cake that just gets eaten and then is gone. Not knocking what other people want to do but thats just the way I look at it.

Original poster

Notsureiftheringistoomuch · 10/02/2020 19:42

Sorry to add - we're not intending on an expensive wedding, want a modest affair with just immediate family. Would spend more on honeymoon as planning on going to a place that is a once in a lifetime/dream holiday for us both so worth the money to us for that

OP posts:

Tinofcurses · 10/02/2020 19:44

I would get it.

I don't have an engagement ring, but I bought myself a diamond band one year. I wear it every day and it honestly makes me so happy every time I see it. It's beautiful, and it was absolutely worth the ridiculous amount I paid for it (and there's no chance it's going to one day remind me of an ex)

Cyberworrier · 10/02/2020 19:45

I agree with PP who said the fact you are mentioning guilt/questioning it suggests you may be better off not getting it. I also agree with PP about the rip off factor of jewellery (if not second hand) and particularly diamond engagement rings.

Are you planning on having a big wedding? Soon? Have you got a large stash of savings? Do you want an exotic honeymoon? Are you home owners already?
It’s just all those things are always more expensive than you think and I know it’s a matter of opinion but I’d rather save the money for one of those- 80k is good combined salary but is not Bill Gates level of not having to save/make choices!

So if you’re planning on a big wedding, fancy honeymoon, buying property (or up scaling/doing renovations) I would suggest going to some good antique jewellers and have a look. Try A R Ullmans in Hatton Gardens if you’re in/near London. You’d get something beautiful and ethical for £1000 (or much less). And if you don’t, and still really want the 2k ring, at least you’ll be more certain.

lowlandLucky · 10/02/2020 19:46

Dh proposed with a gorgeous ring, 1.5 crt that cost £3k, it went straight back to the shop and i found one that i would be comfortable wearing everyday, it cost £75 from an antique shop. I would have been petrified of of losing the original ring or keeping it on when washing up and to be honest i dont want some wee jakey mugging me when i am in town.Have what you are comfortable with. Congtatulations by the way

Cyberworrier · 10/02/2020 19:48

Cross post! I’d definitely recommend going to look at antique jewellers OP. You sound like you’re sensible and I do think it’s nuts to spend that much on a ring.

daisypond · 10/02/2020 19:49

Could you see about having it copied and made up elsewhere? Most retail jewellery has a huge markup on it and you won’t get a fraction of it back if you tried to sell it.

donquixotedelamancha · 10/02/2020 19:52

Traditionally a man spends 3 months salary on an engagement ring.

A 'tradition' started by blanket advertising from the diamond industry.

2k is not a huge amount, at your income, for something which will last years.

Do bear in mind that it will be worth less than 1k as soon as you buy it (unless bought second hand) and don't feel pressured to spend a certain amount- go with what you really want.

fillintheblanks · 10/02/2020 19:53

I wouldn't. Although I've been married twice and not had an engagement ring either time so maybe I'm not your target audience

I think if you are doubting it then you shouldn't. I 'fall in love' with beautiful things that are far too expensive for me all the time, doesn't mean they're 'meant for me'. It just means I have champagne tastes on a lemonade budget!

fillintheblanks · 10/02/2020 19:54

Traditionally a man spends 3 months salary on an engagement ring

Agree this is utter bollocks dreamt up by, I think, De Beers.

Grobagsforever · 10/02/2020 19:56

Half each is the solution, not fair to expect him to stump up 2k, why isn't it a joint purchase?

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