Aibu to want to spend this much on an engagement ring? (Honest advice please)

[Notsureiftheringistoomuch]

Hello, not sure if this is the best place to post this or not... have name changed anywho

Basically, I have an issue. Me and DP have been discussing engagement/marriage and we are pretty much on the same page for all budgeting aspects, both have the same idea of how much we want to spend on wedding/honeymoon etc. We both earn good money, not obscene amounts by any means but combined income of ~£80kish, both on similar salaries. Basically we are in a good position financially but we also dont go around splashing money for no reason on pointless things, eg we go on one relatively cheap holiday once per year, dont have a brand new car etc. Live within our means with a nice quality of life.

I always told DP I dont want a really expensive engagement ring as it's a waste of money. Would tell him when we were discussing, dont spend more than £1,000. We have been looking at rings and I'm dismayed to say I have fallen in love with a £2,000 ring. :-(

Aibu to really want this ring? It is like one of those moments when people say they found "the one" eg when referring to a wedding dress/house/whatever. I feel guilty thinking my DP may spend that much on a ring (as he likes it too) and cant stop thinking that I'm being ridiculous/greedy/etc. I worry a little if he does buy this ring I will spend ages feeling bad about it because of the cost. Also worried DP will now feel like he must buy that ring no matter what as any other ring will just be a disappointment. I do feel if he got another ring I would still be really happy, not as happy as if I got the £2,000 one obviously, but still happy. But I feel like he would constantly be thinking I'm pretending to be happy if he got a cheaper one.

Ultimately if everything goes to shit with our finances I dont care, I just want to marry him and spend the rest of my life with him no matter how rich/poor we are. I just feel very bratty for feeling this way over a stupid ring ffs

Does any of this make sense and if so can anyone offer any advice?

Earned way less* that should have said!

Buy the ring you want. You will be wearing it a long time, you might as well have something you love. Maybe buy DP a nice watch if you feel bad about him spending a lot of money on a ring.

I would have said 2k was about average and the norm, I think my engagement ring was just over 2k and my wedding and was exactly 2k. I don’t think that’s ridiculously expensive!! I’ve known ppl spend WAAAY more! If it’s the one you want the go fir it OP!

From what you’ve said, you can afford it. But are you the type that will wear it a lot? I have a nice ring but I hardly ever wear it.

If it’s more than you want to spend have a look at second hand rings. There are loads out there at a fraction of the new cost, and way more environmentally sustainable too!

I agree with the pay half idea. I think it's mad my partner would have to pay for all of it so insisted that I contribute!

Deffo direct him to get that specific one OP and wear and it love it every day 😍 I've had mine for 25 years and I still love it, I catch myself now and again admiring it.

You won't regret it xx

I'm tight as hell and that doesn't seem crazy to me at all! People spend that on a week in Spain, your ring will last forever.

It’s good that you think carefully about large purchases and discuss them together.

It’s not always wrong to splash out. I’d agree that this is an important purchase and if you love it and can afford it, allow yourself to have it. Is you fiancé up for you having it?

There are other areas you can save £1k on if you want to/need to. If you have an overall budget, reduce on the dress or the flowers or cake or things that cost extra like ribbons on chairs or the band you choose....or whatever.

Talk it through and if you both decide to splash out, do it and then enjoy it ....don’t engage in guilt about it and don’t go round telling people you feel bad about your expensive ring. Always best not to tell people what you spent on your ring - it’s a private decision and as people can afford differing amounts, it’s a bit crass to talk about what you spent (I’m sure you won’t anyway) - just tell people you love it and not that you had a dilemma about whether to have it or not.

Unless it’s a whopper (and that’s well in excess of £2k) most people can’t tell a cheap ring from an expensive one. It might be a cheaper almost identical one is available elsewhere, but I don’t think £2k is ridiculous. If I were saving a house deposit I might think twice, but otherwise your ring is an everyday item and worth having one you love - I expect your fiancé thinks so too. Enjoy!

If you can afford it, then I would buy it. Maybe offer to pay half.

And I speak as someone who never wanted an engagement ring and got DH not to buy me one. But in your situation then I would absolutely get the one you have set your heart on.

I say go for it. You live modestly the rest off the time and if this is the one thing you really want to splash out on then why not.

I love second hand jewellery and even on new, most styles are available from pretty cheap to hugely expensive. I do think you will be able to get the one you love at a wide range of prices if £2k is an emotional if not financial step too far.

Perhaps you secretly love the ring and the idea of a more expensive one too??

And £2K is really not that much for an engagement ring, actually.

Buy the ring and enjoy wearing it everyday for the rest of your life :) you will not regret it. :)

Ask your DP.

Bet he says of course you should have it.

I was quite abstemious in choosing my ring (spent less than the “budget”) and whilst I really do like my ring, I do occasionally think of one or two slightly fancier rings I could’ve got. Especially since our incomes went up post marriage and the extra cost then seemed very small - might this be the case for you OP?

You could always do the "cost per wear" calculation that people sometimes do with clothes and shoes... e. g. a £200 coat that you will wear 60 times a year for 3 years is quite a bargain, whereas a £20 party dress which you will wear twice is not so great.

In this case the number of days you wear it should be considerable!

I really don’t think that’s excessive on your salaries. My husband earned rather less than that (but with the expectation of career progression and salary growth for both of us) and spent rather more 10 years ago (he chose it so I didn’t really have an input on cost). No regrets at all and worn everyday for the last decade. More recent eternity ring much more than that and I did have an input and did feel it was a bit indulgent but oh my god I love it....if it doesn’t make your finances precarious and you can afford everything else you need and have some rainy day savings put by (esp if you have kids to provide for) then go for it!!

I personally think it would be more wasteful to shell out a whole £1,000 on a ring that you don't truly love and it's much better value for money to spend £2,000 on a ring you adore. Provided you can afford which it sounds like you can. It's going to hopefully be on your hand for the rest of your life too. Can you work you estimated life expectancy then work out a cost per day for the ring?

You want it, you can afford it and you’ll be wearing it every day for the rest of your life. I say go for it

2k really isn't excessive for a ring, so if you can afford it then get it.

Buy it and get it insured. Then enjoy it! Make sure it is actually worth 2k and not marked up. It's a good investment, gold and stones are going up in value. My mum got an old Ruby ring valued of her mums and its worth 3.5k now!!

But the ring x

Buy

Diamonds are a scam. Cubic zirconia fraction of the price. Read this before throwing 2000 down the toilet.

vt.co/amp/lifestyle/diamonds-arent-rare-valuable

Are engagement rings so expensive because they are classed as such?
We are getting married soon, no engagement rings and budget wedding rings (and whole wedding!) I don't understand it personally but is your money so do what you like!