Aibu to want to spend this much on an engagement ring? (Honest advice please)

[Notsureiftheringistoomuch]

Hello, not sure if this is the best place to post this or not... have name changed anywho

Basically, I have an issue. Me and DP have been discussing engagement/marriage and we are pretty much on the same page for all budgeting aspects, both have the same idea of how much we want to spend on wedding/honeymoon etc. We both earn good money, not obscene amounts by any means but combined income of ~£80kish, both on similar salaries. Basically we are in a good position financially but we also dont go around splashing money for no reason on pointless things, eg we go on one relatively cheap holiday once per year, dont have a brand new car etc. Live within our means with a nice quality of life.

I always told DP I dont want a really expensive engagement ring as it's a waste of money. Would tell him when we were discussing, dont spend more than £1,000. We have been looking at rings and I'm dismayed to say I have fallen in love with a £2,000 ring. :-(

Aibu to really want this ring? It is like one of those moments when people say they found "the one" eg when referring to a wedding dress/house/whatever. I feel guilty thinking my DP may spend that much on a ring (as he likes it too) and cant stop thinking that I'm being ridiculous/greedy/etc. I worry a little if he does buy this ring I will spend ages feeling bad about it because of the cost. Also worried DP will now feel like he must buy that ring no matter what as any other ring will just be a disappointment. I do feel if he got another ring I would still be really happy, not as happy as if I got the £2,000 one obviously, but still happy. But I feel like he would constantly be thinking I'm pretending to be happy if he got a cheaper one.

Ultimately if everything goes to shit with our finances I dont care, I just want to marry him and spend the rest of my life with him no matter how rich/poor we are. I just feel very bratty for feeling this way over a stupid ring ffs

Does any of this make sense and if so can anyone offer any advice?

£2000 is totally reasonable for a ring! You don't even need to hesitate. The ring is so important, so don't end up with a 'meh' one if you can afford the right one for you.

I don’t think it necessarily means the DP is buying it out of “his” money. I assumed it was joint money but it is something that is just for her.

That doesn't really sound that much.

Mines didn't cost that much - but it was in the early noughties.

Now its insured for quite a bit more than we paid for it. Maybe 3 times as much.

It's an investment if nothing else

Why don't you ask a local silversmith (they also work in gold, platinum etc as well as silver) to make you one the same?

I had mine made by a local silversmith and it was a third of the price compared to buying an identical one in a jewellers.

We then went on to have him make our wedding rings, mine was partly made from my dad's old gold wedding ring (which had worn too thin from 35years of wear for him to wear anymore) and my mum's gold graduation gift earringsfrom her parents, so it feels really personal. It was then carefully shaped to fit round my engagement ring and he also engraved our initials on the inside which made it extra special.

I know this doesn't quite answer your OP, but perhaps a different way of looking at the situation so you end up with the ring that you love, and hopefully to fit your budget.

The ring really isn't 'important'. Plenty of people manage to get (and stay!) married without even having an engagement ring, particularly one whose cost causes anxiety.

I guess going halves on the cost would be a solution if you're really set on it, OP. I don't think your DP should have to shell out £2k when you had originally budgeted for half that.

OP buy the ring! I honestly believe there's a bigger chance of your regretting buying the second-best ring in years to come, than buying the ring you love.

We spent quite a lot on my ring and I questioned it just as you are. But now I'm so glad we just did it as I feel happy every time I look at it. No regrets. Same as you, we could afford it, but we weren't wealthy or anything.

I agree that diamonds are a rip-off, just like branded goods, really, and they're the worst possible investments (I'm a bit worried about the PP who thinks her ring has appreciated in value - highly unlikely!) but so what? They are a symbol and they're meaningful and I say pipe down to anyone who gets all sniffy and "I made do with a coke can ring pull" about them

Interesting to see the cost per wear idea
If you are 30 and wear til 80 that’s 50 yrs , so 10p per day lol

Get the ring , I love mine , I had a 2k budget but got one for £1k as I loved it and still do .. the heart wants what the heart wants ,.. cut down elsewhere if need be
Enjoy ( oh and post a pic when you get it )

I’m quite surprised people are saying it will be an investment. I am under the strong impression that jewellery isn’t. In fact, it’s one of the worst investments.

Buy it you love it and much better than paying it for the dress (worn once) flowers etc.
Insurance plan will be needed lost mine gutted even years later.

Yabvu ... not to post a picture of the ring.

I love a good engagement ring thread!

Have a look at second hand rings. The value of a diamond drops by at least 50% the second it leaves the shop.

I think you should buy it if you can afford it and it sounds like you can. I wish I'd spent a bit more on mine to be honest, or certainly kept looking until I got "the feeling" - it was never quite right (I lost it unfortunately a while back). If you feel like it's the one trust your instincts.

Spent loads on my engagement ring when pregnant with dd1. 2 kids and a mortgage later we would never spend that much money on a piece of jewellery now - but I'm so glad we did it then. I love it and it is very precious not only because it's worth a lot of money.

Also secretly I think that if the worst should happen and we have to walk across war-torn Europe looking for refuge it would come in very handy, but that's probably just me.

I dont earn half as much as you and my husband bought me one for three times the amount! He knew it was important to me and as other people say it's about how you feel and you will be looking at it every day.20 years later I still love mine.
You guys sound a little frugal tbh ,no new cars cheap holiday once a year,what are you keeping the money for??

Quite a few of my friends have upgraded their engagement rings to more expensive/better rings after 10/15 years of marriage. Happily I still love mine just as it is and am glad we spent the extra funds on it at the time. Get the ring you love OP, you look at it every day.

Get the ring. Insure it.

OP, what kind of retailer is it? I only ask because I got mine (and subsequently eternity ring) from the Jewellery Quarter in Birmingham for the fraction of the price of a similar (lesser quality) high Street retailer.

There are many jewellers in places such as these that will design a ring to your exact specification and MUCH better value.

That “three months salary” malarkey was invented by De Beers . It’s not tradition, it’s just advertising.
But £2k is really not a lot to spend on an engagement ring.

Think I'm in the minority here but I personally would not spend that much....but I have hardly any expendable cash so it seems like an enormous amount to me comparatively....

Mine was £14,000 and DH designed it himself. He does earn a lot though. The sentimental value is much more important though.

You will wear it for the rest of your life. Mine was £1500 which was ten years ago. Nothing fancy but simple, beautiful and what I wanted. My wedding and engagement rings were cheaper. However the only wedding ring my husband loved was in Tiffany's and was £1200. He still loves it so if you can afford it then go for it.

What’s the relevance of that to op’s situation, Teeny?

Our income is higher than yours and I wouldn’t dream of spending this much on a ring. What if you lose it? Are you going to wear it when washing the dishes? If it’s too expensive and/or fancy to wear every day, you’ve missed the point. Buy something more practical and spend the money on going somewhere nice on your honeymoon, rather than wasting the money on an overpriced bit of sparkle.

Could you list a photo of it/link? Maybe we could find something similar but cheaper? I love ring shopping!
I’m looking at eternity rings at the moment and find it very hard to come in on budget but i’m enjoying looking!

www.ernestjones.co.uk/webstore/d/2935880/neil+lane+14ct+white+and+rose+gold+0.53ct+diamond+ring/?cm_mmc=SEM_Google:EJ%7C%7CDiamonds%7C%7CDiamond%20Rings%7C%7CMedium:EJ%7C%7CDiamonds%7C%7CDiamond%20Rings%7C%7CCollections:2935880&gclid=CjwKCAiA1fnxBRBBEiwAVUouUkDuvtxZKD__Sq7fVYN9UAfWMK1ghonXZtzbH4faysvde4c2_sFgPBoC1CQQAvD_BwE

Not sure if link will work but have tried to for the person who asked! And not bothered about it not being an investment, would only like to be able to pass it down one day to a daughter/DIL. Dont really care about reselling it :-)