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Original poster

Aibu to want to spend this much on an engagement ring? (Honest advice please)

314 replies

Notsureiftheringistoomuch · 10/02/2020 18:14

Hello, not sure if this is the best place to post this or not... have name changed anywho

Basically, I have an issue. Me and DP have been discussing engagement/marriage and we are pretty much on the same page for all budgeting aspects, both have the same idea of how much we want to spend on wedding/honeymoon etc. We both earn good money, not obscene amounts by any means but combined income of ~£80kish, both on similar salaries. Basically we are in a good position financially but we also dont go around splashing money for no reason on pointless things, eg we go on one relatively cheap holiday once per year, dont have a brand new car etc. Live within our means with a nice quality of life.

I always told DP I dont want a really expensive engagement ring as it's a waste of money. Would tell him when we were discussing, dont spend more than £1,000. We have been looking at rings and I'm dismayed to say I have fallen in love with a £2,000 ring. :-(

Aibu to really want this ring? It is like one of those moments when people say they found "the one" eg when referring to a wedding dress/house/whatever. I feel guilty thinking my DP may spend that much on a ring (as he likes it too) and cant stop thinking that I'm being ridiculous/greedy/etc. I worry a little if he does buy this ring I will spend ages feeling bad about it because of the cost. Also worried DP will now feel like he must buy that ring no matter what as any other ring will just be a disappointment. I do feel if he got another ring I would still be really happy, not as happy as if I got the £2,000 one obviously, but still happy. But I feel like he would constantly be thinking I'm pretending to be happy if he got a cheaper one. Confused

Ultimately if everything goes to shit with our finances I dont care, I just want to marry him and spend the rest of my life with him no matter how rich/poor we are. I just feel very bratty for feeling this way over a stupid ring ffs

Does any of this make sense and if so can anyone offer any advice? Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
Notsureiftheringistoomuch · 10/02/2020 21:01

As in pass it down one day when I kick the bucket eventually GrinGrin

OP posts:
dementedma · 10/02/2020 21:05

I would be terrified of losing it so personally, I wouldn’t. I also didn’t (and don’t) wear my engagement ring much after I was married. In fact whispers I have no fecking idea where it is as I haven’t seen it in years.
Get one for half that and put the rest towards a holiday

RoombaSavedMySanity · 10/02/2020 21:09

I’m quite surprised people are saying it will be an investment. I am under the strong impression that jewellery isn’t. In fact, it’s one of the worst investments.

Me too. It's a terrible investment and I've known a few people who have been VERY disappointed when they sold their engagement rings post divorce. They got a fraction of what they spent (and what the insurance value was).

Spend £2k on a ring you love just for that reason. Not because you'd ever expect to get anywhere near £2k back if it was ever sold.

Redda · 10/02/2020 21:11

Buy second hand, honestly, you're better off getting the best single diamond you can rather than chips that make it look sparkly, look at auctions - proper ones, not american shite - you could get a ring made.

TheMotherofAllDilemmas · 10/02/2020 21:15

If the price tags of your clothes, bags and shoes match the one of your ring, yes, get the ring.

If you are normally not that bothered about spending ££££££ in your appearance, get a cheaper one, at the end of the day, just from a meter away the all look the same Wink

0hT00dles · 10/02/2020 21:16

Op, I was like you. I always said I didn't want an expensive ring and said no more than a £1000, as I felt it was too much!

We ended up spending £5k.

I love the ring, and so many people have commented on it. BUT, now with 2 kids, I rarely wear it. Neither of us wear our wedding rings/engagement ring unless for events etc.

I do plan on passing it on to my kids though. My eldest has her eye on it😂 because it's got lots of diamonds and is sparkly.

It's not your traditional ring, and the company that made it only made a few, but we both fell in love with it.

People actually tell me to wear it more and it was a time before we had kids and financial responsibilities-we were actually going travelling the world.

If you can afford it, do it.

My own parents, my dm especially has about 5 engagement rings and wedding bands to match. They bought what they could afford at the time and 40 years ago, it was a lot. But they've added to it ever since and she's updated rings etc. I never plan on changing my ring - I won't even buy an eternity ring now as the rings I have are plenty and I'm in love with them.

For this, go with your heart.

74NewStreet · 10/02/2020 21:17

Totally agree; jewellery is not an investment, despite some deluded people assuming a ring bought for a couple of grand ten years ago is now worth twelve grand... It really won’t be.

Tinofcurses · 10/02/2020 21:18

I take back my previous post. I don't think you'd wear that all the time, it looks like it would stick out a lot and get caught on things.

TheMotherofAllDilemmas · 10/02/2020 21:18

And no, it is not an investment unless you are spending a few more thousand pounds in a rarer diamond.

There have been a few threads about what to do with your rings after a split and 99% of the people who sold them only got between £50 to a couple of hundreds. Many said that it was enough to take the kids out for a pizza. Grin

BobbyBlueCat · 10/02/2020 21:21

If you didn't want him spending more than £1k, can't he spend that amount and you put £1k in too?

That'd be a true combining of lives/finance/emotion which is what marriage is all about.
And it might mean more because it was both of you that came together to buy it.

CeibaTree · 10/02/2020 21:21

What wedding ring could you wear with it - I see the matching one is another £700?

fillintheblanks · 10/02/2020 21:22

Rose gold is quite 'of the moment', OP. Are you sure you would still love it in 30, 40, 50 years?

Kanga83 · 10/02/2020 21:25

I take back my post- for the 2k you could get a good single diamond. The claws on that will forever catch on things and you will always be checking that you haven't lost a diamond. Gloves will be out of the question too. It's nice but it's not one for everyday and resizing might not be possible.

Blueuggboots · 10/02/2020 21:27

Buy the ring. If you love it, it's worth it.
I still hanker after the one that got away from 20 years ago!!! (Boyfriend offered time buy it but at the time, it was the same amount of money as a deposit on a flat (£3500) so I said no and got a nice, cheaper one. I've ALWAYS regretted it.

Normandy144 · 10/02/2020 21:28

My DH and I earn a similar combined salary and we spent £1750 on a ring so i don't think £2k is extravagant. All i would say is if you are considering spending that much please do consider a visit to either Hatton Garden in London or jewellery Quarter in Birmingham. In my experience the high street jewellers weren't great value for money and were quite expensive for what you got. I'd recommend you try either of those areas and just check what they can do. Many of them have their own designers/workshops on site etc and you might be surprised as to what prices they can offer.

Blueuggboots · 10/02/2020 21:29

Although now I've seen it, I would suggest getting one made by an independent jeweller. You'll get far better quality stones than you would at Ernest Jones.

Lsquiggles · 10/02/2020 21:30

This is something you're going to wear every day for the rest of your life. You can afford it. You love it. Get it and enjoy admiring it every day Grin

Elbeagle · 10/02/2020 21:31

Mine was £3.5k. I love it, DH wanted to buy it for me, we could afford it. Don’t care about anything else! I have no interest in it being an investment as I don’t plan to sell it.
However I feel absolutely no guilt about it. I feel nothing but pleasure. If it’s going to be tainted by you feeling guilty, don’t do it.

lovelove9 · 10/02/2020 21:31

Get it!! You will be wearing it for the rest of your life.

hartof · 10/02/2020 21:36

Do it. My rings are Neil Lane and I love them so much. They sparkle so much and I just sit and look at them 🙈 it's not a lot of money when you look at how long you have them for.

StealthMama · 10/02/2020 21:36

I dont really get why you think it's a waste? It's an investment, an heirloom, you are supposed to wear it every day for the rest of your life.

And you do actually have to love it. Buying one you don't love cod it's cheaper takes the magic away.

Let it be magical :)

StylishMummy · 10/02/2020 21:39

Spent way more on my engagement ring than we did on my dress, the dress is for 1 day, the ring is for life. Mine is a platinum cluster with diamond band and a brilliant princess cut centre stone. I adore it and enjoy it everyday

hartof · 10/02/2020 21:42

If you order online you can sign up to get 10% off so you'll save money!

Zippetydoodahzippetyay · 10/02/2020 21:43

If you love it and can afford it, buy the ring you want. I tried so hard to be budget conscious (all me, not pressure from now husband) that I chose an engagement ring and later a wedding ring that I wasn't totally into. I liked them both but they just weren't what I had always envisioned and I do find myself feeling a bit sad that the one special piece of jewellery I wear every day isn't something I totally love. I am currently saving up to have them redesigned.

Youhedge · 10/02/2020 21:45

We spent 3 months of our combined gross income - I still love my ring 14 years later.