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Original poster

Aibu to want to spend this much on an engagement ring? (Honest advice please)

314 replies

Notsureiftheringistoomuch · 10/02/2020 18:14

Hello, not sure if this is the best place to post this or not... have name changed anywho

Basically, I have an issue. Me and DP have been discussing engagement/marriage and we are pretty much on the same page for all budgeting aspects, both have the same idea of how much we want to spend on wedding/honeymoon etc. We both earn good money, not obscene amounts by any means but combined income of ~£80kish, both on similar salaries. Basically we are in a good position financially but we also dont go around splashing money for no reason on pointless things, eg we go on one relatively cheap holiday once per year, dont have a brand new car etc. Live within our means with a nice quality of life.

I always told DP I dont want a really expensive engagement ring as it's a waste of money. Would tell him when we were discussing, dont spend more than £1,000. We have been looking at rings and I'm dismayed to say I have fallen in love with a £2,000 ring. :-(

Aibu to really want this ring? It is like one of those moments when people say they found "the one" eg when referring to a wedding dress/house/whatever. I feel guilty thinking my DP may spend that much on a ring (as he likes it too) and cant stop thinking that I'm being ridiculous/greedy/etc. I worry a little if he does buy this ring I will spend ages feeling bad about it because of the cost. Also worried DP will now feel like he must buy that ring no matter what as any other ring will just be a disappointment. I do feel if he got another ring I would still be really happy, not as happy as if I got the £2,000 one obviously, but still happy. But I feel like he would constantly be thinking I'm pretending to be happy if he got a cheaper one. Confused

Ultimately if everything goes to shit with our finances I dont care, I just want to marry him and spend the rest of my life with him no matter how rich/poor we are. I just feel very bratty for feeling this way over a stupid ring ffs

Does any of this make sense and if so can anyone offer any advice? Sad

OP posts:
Youhedge · 12/02/2020 06:11

Along with the really crass expectation that a man should spend a fortune on buying a ring for his future wife

Mine came out of my bonus. I also bought it after we married and with my friend not my DH.

An excuse for a nice ring really Grin

Elbeagle · 12/02/2020 06:17

Missed all the updates as I was asleep.
DH didn’t actually buy my engagement ring, for various reasons we shared finances before getting married so it was bought out of our joint account from joint income, and chosen together when we decided to get married. We bought one for DH too, which he wore for years but has since lost a fair bit of weight and it doesn’t fit anymore so needs resizing or replacing.

sandybanana · 12/02/2020 06:57

Mine was over £2 k

It's beautiful but not so something to get worked up about.

No, I don't wear it everyday.

Wedding ring, yes. But not engagement ring.

If you want it have it

CoolcoolcoolcoolcoolNoDoubt · 12/02/2020 07:21

Wow.. that was some tangent 😐 Really helpful and relevant to the OP..

PhoneLock · 12/02/2020 07:22

My husband wasn't in the best of places financially when he proposed to me so I wondered how he had managed to afford a platinum engagement ring. Similar rings in jewellers seemed to be 2k+. He told me last year that he had actually bought it secondhand for £250 and had it cleaned and polished. It also explains why he was so reluctant to buy my wedding ring ready made from a jeweller and had one made to my design instead. I love both of them.

My advice would be to avoid high street jewellers and head to the Birmingham jewellery quarter or similar.

ShirleyPhallus · 12/02/2020 08:40

I don’t think anyone on this whole thread subscribes to the notion that a man should spend 3 months salary on a ring, apart from those 1-2 posters who were (rightly) picked up on it

I paid half for my engagement ring, as did many of my friends, and I’m pleased to wear it. DH would have loved an engagement ring, he was rather jealous of being able to pick and design my own

19lottie82 · 12/02/2020 10:03

It's an investment, will retain or increase in
value

Sorry but this is TERRIBLE advice! Used rings are worth a fraction of the price paid for them.

Not to say that 2k is an extortionate amount for an engagement ring. If you want it and you can afford it then buy it.

19lottie82 · 12/02/2020 10:05

Inheriting a ring used for someone else’s engagement doesn’t make it your engagement ring

I don’t think The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge would agree!

MintySpud · 12/02/2020 10:10

My engagement ring is my great-grandmother's engagement ring. I started wearing it to signify my pending marriage to DH.🤷‍♀️

WooMaWang · 12/02/2020 10:21

@ShirleyPhallus I'd have been horrified if DF had spent 3 months salary on my engagement ring. I'd be terrified to wear the thing in case I lost it. And I'd think he'd gone mad. He did say it was 'traditional' to spend that much. I just looked at him in horror and said 'you didn't though' (he didn't).

I actually don't know how much it cost (other than not anything like that). He got a much bigger than expected Christmas bonus at work, so he used some of that to buy it.

But the OP here isn't asking about a £15000 ring. She's asking about £2000, which they can clearly afford.

And it doesn't really matter if the ring she's chosen is to anyone else's taste (it's not what I'd choose but it'd be so boring if we all liked the same things). Or if other people think it will date. Or even if it's 'good value'. The important thing is that the OP loves it and no one is going into debt over it. So she should just get what she wants.

74NewStreet · 12/02/2020 10:39

I thought it was obvious from the context that I meant just wearing it as a ring, not wearing it to signify your own engagement.
I forgot everything has to be spelled out in words of no more than three letters to reach the comprehensionally challenged 🤷🏻‍♀️
And yes, I know that’s not a word.

Strawberryshotrtcake · 12/02/2020 10:47

The traditional answer is 1months salary = cost of engagement ring. So if he earns around £40k he is making over 2k per month.
So all is fine get the ring and enjoy wearing for the rest of your life! X

Samhradh · 12/02/2020 11:37

The traditional answer is 1months salary = cost of engagement ring. So if he earns around £40k he is making over 2k per month.

A 'tradition' invented by a 1930s advertising campaign when DeBeers needed to offload a load of diamonds? If you're going to live your life according to advertising the 1980s ads in the US upgraded it to two months.

Then again, if you live your life according to ad campaigns from the days when women's earning capacity was a fraction of that of men, you have more issues than the design of your rings.

Purpletigers · 13/02/2020 19:03

Buy the ring you love . I wanted a carat diamond , husband would have been happy with the half so we compromised with .75 . £2 k isn’t a ridiculous amount for an engagement ring .

Purpletigers · 13/02/2020 19:07

I’d also have a look at antique rings if you have any dealers near you . The mark up in jewellery esp engagement rings is huge .

3luckystars · 13/02/2020 19:16

Work out the cost per wear.

(2000 ÷ 365) ÷ 40

It works out at about 13p per wear.

If you think of a coat you bought in the sale for £50 and wore once, it's a bargain.

Plus it isn't losing value, like a new car is. It will still be worth something when you are finished wearing it.

keepingbees · 13/02/2020 19:36

I was going to say go for it, but then I saw the link and it's massively overpriced. £2k is a lot of money for .53 carat, some of which are (likely low quality) small diamond chips, in white gold. If you love that style then you'd probably do better to get one made at an independent jewellers, probably better quality for less money.

Price is irrelevant if you can afford it. If you intend wearing it daily forever then you need to love it.
I've been wearing mine for 9 years and still admire it. I went secondhand to get what I wanted for our budget and I'm glad I got what I wanted.

74NewStreet · 13/02/2020 19:46

Please stop perpetuating the myth that “it’s not losing value, like a new car would”.
It really is.

3luckystars · 13/02/2020 20:37

A new car drops hugely in value in the first year, and up to 70% in three years. I read that but does that sound right? It seems like a huge drop in value, I dont think jewellery would drop that much, but I'm sorry of I am wrong about that.

anonacatchat · 13/02/2020 20:39

Hmmm buy an investment grade diamond through London Diamonds and it won't lose value .

Buy some tatt from an average jeweler and it will

ssd · 13/02/2020 20:42

If you can afford it, buy it.

There's no pockets in a shroud.

Buy it wear it, and spend the rest of your life happy.

daisypond · 13/02/2020 20:49

I don’t think jewellery would drop that much, but I'm sorry of I am wrong about that. High street jewellery drops in value much, much more than a car because it is so overpriced in the first place. It also has virtually no resale value.

chester18 · 13/02/2020 20:59

I would get it, you'll be looking at it for a long time and you want one you love. High street jewellers do have a huge mark up on diamond rings though. If you emailed a photo to one of the online jewellers you would probably find they could make a very similar one, possibly better quality, for less.

Dozer · 13/02/2020 21:02

There is no such thing as “the one” man/woman, wedding dress or engagement ring!

It’s not an “investment”. But assuming you and DP can afford it, and prefer to spend money on this than other things. which it sounds like you can and would, do what you like!

Dozer · 13/02/2020 21:05

If you keep looking there will be another one you like, in budget.