Going to lose all my benefits when DP moves in

[MyGastIsFlabbered]

DP and I have talked about him moving in next summer. But I've had a look on the entitled to website and I'll basically lose all my benefits if he moves in. At the moment I'm working part time on near minimum wage so my income is pitiful. At the moment about 1/3 of my total income comes from my salary, the rest is benefits and maintenance from my ex. He earns about 4x my salary. How on earth are we going to make this workable? I don't feel he should have to subsidise me, but I'm going to lose a lot of money.

He should be paying half the bills then - rent, council tax, gas and electric etc. That will reduce your contribution significantly.

I don't feel he should have to subsidise me

Him paying his fair share of the household bills is not him subsidising you, it's him paying his way. Turn it around. Why should he, on a decent wage, get a roof over his head for nothing paid for by the taxpayer?

Does the reduction in benefits mean you can’t afford your half?

Make sure you inform him about how much he will have to pay to move in with you. You do

Work full time?

Why is it ok for taxpayers to subsidise you but not your actual partner?

You do realise he will also gain by moving in with you. He won’t have to pay full rent or bills on his own so surely it will benefit him too.

It does sound as if increasing your hours could be a way to go, is this possible at all though? It's easy for us to say.

Talk to your dp, the reason for a cut in benefits is that he is supposed to be contributing half of everything. If he's reluctant then I'd suggest slowing down the planned move until your finances are more stable.

Surely that's what being a partnership is all about my OH income has always been well over 4 times mine therefore the household income was well above any benefit level
Benefits are a means to allowing you a way to pay your bills if income will not cover them they are not earned income

Benefits are there for when a family need support, your dp will be part of your family unit when he moves in and finances should then be completely joint. Discuss this before he moves in, surely you'll be happier your family being independent from tax payers handouts. If you want to be able to contribute more to the family income work more hours.

@Girlundercover ODFOD, seriously?

I work during school hours. I earn around £10 an hour. Childcare is £12 an hour around here...you do the maths.

I don't feel he should have to subsidise me

But it’s ok for other tax payers to do so?

Work full time then and then you can both pay half.

If he moves in with you he won’t pay separate rent so will be contributing to household bills and expenses though?

Tell him how much worse off you’ll be if/when he moves in, how the conversation follows will tell u everything u need to know

If he's moving in he needs to contribute what you'd lose. If he earns 4x what you do he needs to be prepared to do it.

You can’t have it all I’m afraid! Like others have said surely he will be paying towards the house and therefore taking a load off you?? Or are you happy with him just taking the piss out of taxpayers too??

He needs to give you what you loose and part of the bills on top.
If he is willing to let you loose out just so he can live with you while he reduces his bills from sharing your place then he's not worth moving in with.
Any man worth his salt would be horrified to learn that you loose 1/3 of you income due to him moving in.

Explain to him how much you will loose, and either he covers it or he doesn't move in

agree with everyone else. If you're a couple living together you're expected to share living costs.

So he pays half the bills, rent etc and you work more hours

So now I'm taking the piss out of taxpayers too? Awesome.

Actually my main concern is about losing my financial independence, if he's contributing I'm going to be reliant on him and that makes me nervous. I was financially abused by my ex-husband and I'm very wary about letting anyone else have that control. Especially as I have 2 young children.

Obviously he will contribute but I was wondering whether it was fair to expect him to pay over half because of how his salary is compared to mine. Or whether half and half is a fair way to split things? I just don't know.

@MyGastIsFlabbered

You said:
I work during school hours. I earn around £10 an hour.

Exactly the same here, I'm currently working as a TA.

I have two children half of the time so zero maintenance from my ex-husband and no benefits whatsoever.

My fiance earns approx £17k pa net.

It's a struggle but we cope.

What will your total houshould income be per year roughly? Ours is around £30k. Rent £850 per month alone!

"He earns about 4x my salary. How on earth are we going to make this workable? I don't feel he should have to subsidise me, but I'm going to lose a lot of money."

This is ridiculous. You're adults. You have children. If you want to live together that means you'll be a family and you'll need to share resources - and I mean resources because it's not just money, it's also time spent on childcare and chores. If he's not willing to support you and your children financially, he shouldn't be moving in with you.

*household

OP what will be your joint household income roughly?

If you compare the amount you lose to the amount you save by only paying half of all the bills, is there a significant difference?

How old are your children?

Work more hours and then you will be entitled to 30 hours free child care when child is 3?