Going to lose all my benefits when DP moves in

[MyGastIsFlabbered]

DP and I have talked about him moving in next summer. But I've had a look on the entitled to website and I'll basically lose all my benefits if he moves in. At the moment I'm working part time on near minimum wage so my income is pitiful. At the moment about 1/3 of my total income comes from my salary, the rest is benefits and maintenance from my ex. He earns about 4x my salary. How on earth are we going to make this workable? I don't feel he should have to subsidise me, but I'm going to lose a lot of money.

Good advice from edgeofheaven. I do think this is an emotional issue and not just a financial one.

Wittensdargh
Their father should be paying child maintenance, if he isn't you should claim it via CMS.

Hey OP, you’ve had a few harsh responses on here . I think it sounds like you’re doing the right thing having all these conversations and making sure expectations are clear. It sounds like your previous experiences are making you (understandably) worried. I wonder if some counselling might help you unpick some of what happened to you?
I’m in the opposite situation to you in that I earn more than my DH, we have a family pot of money and everything comes out of that, any spare money is shared. I don’t know how anyone could
watch the person they love struggle financially while they have cash to spare! I hope all your conversations go really well and your DP is understanding and supportive

@AnotherEmma it's not through the lack of trying! If I could, I would! He is £22.5k in arrears with the CMA, hasn't paid a penny in 9 years. So because of his lack of contribution, I've been in debt to pay for my children's needs. Hence why I'm with the OP, my tax credits also covered previous debts, which my partner has nothing to do with. After 4 months my partner suggested moving out,but even that wouldn't work as in the eyes of TC we're still a couple even if we don't live together. It's ridiculous. So thanks for pointing out their father should contribute, I'm very aware of that, if only it was that simple!!

@MyGastIsFlabbered you need to check too that you're not being classed as a couple already by the TC police. Even though you don't live together, they can still class you as a couple if you holiday together, are viewed by friends and family as a couple rather than just dating. If you answer yes to those, technically your TC should have already stopped and a new claim put in as a couple, regardless of whether he's living with you or not.

OP... You put benefits in your title.
Unfortunately that is like a bell to call all the holier than thous and brainless benefit bashing idiots to a thread like this.

People on Mumsnet don't like benefit claimants or people that work part time. They suffer terribly with jealousy and have no concept of seeing life from other peoples perspective.

Personally I say well done you for getting out of a bad relationship. I'll hope your new relationship is one that makes your life easier and better for being in it.

As for money, speak to your OH, explain your concerns, your worries and work together to sort it out. You wanting to stay financially independent is a good thing so maybe a joint account for bills is the way to go? Each of you stick in an amount, he pays a bit more as he earns more, but each is left with their own pot each month.
Or, both wages into one big pot and each transfer an amount to their own account each month to use on whatever you wish?

Whichever way you do it, I hope it works out for you and you're all one big happy family.

There’s only one option here - don’t move him in. Otherwise you’ll have to be dependant on him.

I know. People see the word benefits and immediately think 'scrounger'. It's so misinformed.
Child benefit, tax credits, working tax credits, council tax single person supplement-most people I know get one or some of these-but on here it makes you some sort of pariah. Weird.

I don't have an issue with people claiming benefits when they do so because they have no other choice. That's what they are for.

This thread though highlight how once people start closing for some time, it becomes taken for granted and considered very much like a salary, something that they can expect to rely on for as long as they want.

Benefits is not a salary. The expectation is that it shod always be a last resort. Of course it is not right to move in with someone right away and become dependent on them but similarly, there seem to be a common view here that it is ok to avoid moving him together solely so that benefits can continue to be claimed.

Many couples with primary school chidren work two ft jobs because they have no choice. Why should they part with taxes so that others can get most of their income through benefits?

The benefits rules are changing to reflect this with even single parents requiring to look for ft work once their kids start 2ndary school.

You have a year OP to look to increase your hours, it is far from impossible. It is great that you are already looking in doing so. Nothing eats sharing your life with someone you love whilst still have some financial independence from your salary. Good luck OP.

swingofthings

I don't have an issue with people claiming benefits when they do so because they have no other choice. That's what they are for.
No, benefits are there to try to give all members of this country a standard of living that is above homelessness and destitution.

This thread though highlight how once people start closing for some time, it becomes taken for granted and considered very much like a salary, something that they can expect to rely on for as long as they want.
No, this thread is about a financially independent working woman not wanting to lose that financial independence.

Benefits is not a salary. The expectation is that it shod always be a last resort. Of course it is not right to move in with someone right away and become dependent on them but similarly, there seem to be a common view here that it is ok to avoid moving him together solely so that benefits can continue to be claimed.
Benefits aren't a 'last resort', in work benefits, which OP is claiming, are common amongst many many many people. She's not unemployed and using the state provided 'safety net' she is working and claiming. There was a time a workers tax code would have changed so they paid less tax, they stopped that and now provide tax credits in its place. This demonised benefits in the minds of.many I'll educated people. They were fine with different tx codes and people paying different taxes, not so happy when it seemed some were getting money for nothing.

Many couples with primary school chidren work two ft jobs because they have no choice. Why should they part with taxes so that others can get most of their income through benefits?
Those parents working full time jobs... Yeah you think they're not reliant on benefits? You think the nursery staff they rely on to look after their children don't claim? A lot of nursery staff and child care providers earn very little and rely on tax credits, universal credit and other benefits to give them a livable wage and allow them to provide that childcare.
You think the parents don't claim child care payments or tax credits? If they're entitled to it and they don't then they're idiots, if they're not entitled to it then they don't need them.

The benefits rules are changing to reflect this with even single parents requiring to look for ft work once their kids start 2ndary school.
Nope. Single parents have to look for work from the day their youngest child turns 5. When the children is younger than school age they're usually put on income support, as soon as youngest turns 5 they switch to UC or Job Seekers Allownce. Each comes with an expectation that they will look for work within 90minute travel from.their home. They must look for work for up to and including 40 hours a week and must not refuse any work offered to them even if that work is 90 minutes away by car and by doing that work they will end up paying more in travel and child care then they earn. Oh but before you say,
"Child care is paid for"
Yeah, up to a percentage and it's paid in arrears, which means people on UC have to pay the first month's child care to claim back a portion of it the following month.
So, someone who's claimed benefits and just managed to scrape by but has £0 has to find £500 for a months child care to claim back £300 the month later.. clever..
No rent, food or bill payments that month, Ned it for child care and travelling.

You have a year OP to look to increase your hours, it is far from impossible. It is great that you are already looking in doing so. Nothing eats sharing your life with someone you love whilst still have some financial independence from your salary. Good luck OP.
Yep cause jobs are easy to come by these days, just walk into anywhere and they'll give you 9-3 everyday and term time only naturally. It's so easy it makes me wonder why so many child care providers, nurseries, wrap around care, breakfast clubs etc are needed.
Oh but no fear, even if op does find that elusive full time job and needs the childcare, they can claim back for it.. thus furthering reliance on benefits.. thus angering people that don't have a clue and just spout nonsense online.

I think it's a red flag that you don't fully trust him. I know it's because of your past experience but I don't think it's wise to move in together unless you're 100% happy about it. There's no rush. How long have you been together?

We haven't been together that long yet, but we both feel like there is a future here...marriage has been mentioned but we're both cautiously optimistic.

Just to add to the frothers, even when I was married my ex and I jointly claimed tax credits.

And to the person who said I'll get 70% childcare costs back that only applies until DP moves in, then I get nothing. Like a PP I don't feel he should pay for my children's childcare-they're not his children.

And I'm a middle aged, relatively unskilled worker...could somebody point me in the direction of these wonderful jobs which will double my salary overnight? As I said previously, even working full time I'd only earn half of DP's salary on my current wage.

So what is the rush in moving in together? Why not just keep things as they are until you've known each other longer?

I'd hardly say waiting another 12 months is rushing anything?

They are not his biological childen but the reality is you will be losing benefits when he moves in with you. The benefits people you as a cohabiting couple and therefore will expect you to merge financially.

My fiance has no biological kids, I have two for half of time. I get zero maintenance, the only benefit I am in receipt of is CB for one son. Ex-husband earns in excess of 105k pa. Fiancé only comes out with 17k net pa and me 13k. It is simply the case that if he did not contribute financially (our rent alone is £850 pm) then we would not be able to afford to live together.

Monkey
Excellent post and I was nodding to the vast majority of it - I just want to correct some misinformation:

Single parents have to look for work from the day their youngest child turns 5. When the children is younger than school age they're usually put on income support, as soon as youngest turns 5 they switch to UC or Job Seekers Allowance.

Under the old benefits system (called legacy benefits) a single parent can claim Income Support (with no requirements to work or look for work) until their youngest child turns 5, at which point they would claim income-based JSA. However, it is not possible to make new claims for these benefits (except in very limited circumstances which I won't go into here). Instead, people have to claim Universal Credit which works differently.

Under the new Universal Credit system, single parents are required to do the following:
"Work-focused interviews" after their youngest turns 1
"Work preparation" after their youngest turns 2
Work at least 16h/w after their youngest turns 3
Work at least 25h/w after their youngest starts school.

Oh and 35h/w after the youngest turns 13.

AnotherEmma

That is interesting. My daughter is 6 and I kind of straddled both systems. Income support and then JSA and then onto UC.
I'm expected to do stuff for getting work for a minimum of 30 hours a week, so CV writing, job hunts, fling in Journal etc etc. The job coach has said that those 30 hours will increase over time if I don't find work. Up to a maximum of 40.

Where did you read your info? It's the first time I've seen that and I thought I was up to date on it all. Tbh.

www.entitledto.co.uk/help/Claimant-commitment-Universal-Credit

Your work coach cannot reasonably expect you to spend 40h/w looking for work when you are the single parent of a 6yo. Not unless the 6yo has contact with her father outside school hours, in which case you could spend some of that time jobseeking.

I hope they have agreed to an exemption through the school holidays, unless you have access to free childcare during that time!

It's bloody ridiculous isn't it? I don't think people who haven't been there understand how hard and relentless being a single parent is.

I was a single parent before my Now DH moved in. His moving in meant I lost all my tax credits etc. It was a conversation we had about finances despite DS not being his we agreed if he moved in we'd be be living together as a family in many respects so bills food etc was all 50% the only thing I paid alone was childcare forDS as that was my responsibly but the money I saved on all the other shared costs made that ok .

You don't fully trust him, were financially abused in your prior marriage, and hell bent on moving him in (and all defensive about it). Sorry, but I'm with edgeofheaven, you need to really work through a lot before moving a boyfriend in. What's the rush and pressing need to be live in or your relationship doesn't count or you haven't 'moved on' etc? Making yourself financially reliant on an unmarried partner is a BAD idea. And as pointed out, not only will you lose the benefits, but also it will be UC for you if it doesn't work out with 'DP'. As it is, everyone will be moved onto UC in the next couple of years so it makes sense to focus on supporting yourself and how you can do this rather than on how to move the boyfriend in and make it all work.

@MyGastIsFlabbered if your work coach is refusing to budge on it and it causes issues for you in the school holidays, please do visit/contact your local Citizens Advice (or PM me!)

Where have I been defensive about him moving in?

All I was wanted to know when I started this thread was whether expecting my DP to cover the drop in my benefits and pay a proportionate amount of the bills was unreasonable.

I didn't expect to be berated for being on benefits, be told to get a better job with no advice on how to do this or be questioned on why I'm moving him in? I should have known better.