Going to lose all my benefits when DP moves in

[MyGastIsFlabbered]

DP and I have talked about him moving in next summer. But I've had a look on the entitled to website and I'll basically lose all my benefits if he moves in. At the moment I'm working part time on near minimum wage so my income is pitiful. At the moment about 1/3 of my total income comes from my salary, the rest is benefits and maintenance from my ex. He earns about 4x my salary. How on earth are we going to make this workable? I don't feel he should have to subsidise me, but I'm going to lose a lot of money.

Not sure it’s bevaude the op doesn’t trust him but way before he moves in you need set in stone what the plans are re finances and if it’s going to work fairly and he’s willing to be flexible and you can work together.

I’m a single mum of 4, eldest just left school so I’ve lost a bit of £ but can’t work more hours due to job I do (nurse) no child care the hours I work so I do 2 shifts whilst my ex looks after them then he works my days off and so on. I’ve met someone, and I don’t think it’s fair for him to financially become responsible for my kids so we won’t be moving in till they are much older. He has his own house and bills. It’s quite daunting sharing your home and life after so long being alone and going through a traumatic break up.
Hope you can sort things op and enjoy a happy and fulfilled life

Sorry my post at 16.38 was meant for Monkey not OP. I was multitasking and got confused!

AnotherEmma

I've been informed by my work coach that my searching and job preparation must continue during school holidays. I live in a tiny village with zero industry and a bus that comes through once every 3 hours. I must look for work in my village and where that bus terminates at either end.
If I get offered a job that starts at 9am I would have to get the bus at 7.35 the previous evening as earliest one doesn't run until 8.35am and wouldn't get me to town in time.
When I highlighted this to my work coach, their response was...
"So? Get a bike or learn to drive"
"Are you suggesting I could ride a pushbike along the motorway?"
"If it got you to work, why not?"

I could go on, but its becoming off topic and I don't want to derail.

@OralBElectricToothbrush no I want all these people telling me to get a better paid job to explain exactly how I'm supposed to do this? Well paid jobs requiring no experience aren't exactly plentiful around here so I'd like to know where I'm supposed to find one.

Obviously I know how to find jobs but I'm getting increasingly fucked off with the assumption that it's pure laziness why I'm not earning more.

AnotherEmma

And as that other message was for me and not OP, there's little I can do or little CAB can do. I've spoken to my job coaches superior about them, asked to be transferred to someone else etc but they pull together and put up walls.
I don't mean to sound horrible towards the coach but they're very young, live with parents, no real clue how the world works beyond their shelter.. that sounds horrible, I know, but I can just tell they have no real world experience in what they're trying to push onto me. When I tried to explain my child care position their response was,
"Couldn't your daughter live somewhere else?" Said with a little head tilt..
I could have slapped the taste out of their mouth for that.

I know I'm late to the thread OP but please don't do it. I moved in my partner, came off tax credits and housing benefit and have now been utterly screwed as he left and I've had to claim universal credit (I'm a student so the way my income used to be calculated for HB and TC is completely different to how it is on UC and I'm hugely disadvantaged). Just don't. It's not worth the hassle.

It's bloody ridiculous isn't it? I don't think people who haven't been there understand how hard and relentless being a single parent is
Just to point that I was a single mum from the time my kids were 1 and 4 and worked FT.

I did get some tax credits until they both started school but it then stopped and I contributed significantly more in taxes than what I got in tax credits during these few years.

However, working ft, I was able to progress in my job, something that would not have happened if I'd only work 16 hours. That's the reality of working life.

I agree that it isn't right to rely on a partner to pay for one own children, however, they can help paying more of the housing costs and bills whilst mum can pay for the childcare. They might also be happy to pick up the children a couple of evenings a week.

Nobody has says that looking for work is easy and indeed might not happen for some time, but it will at some point to those who actively looking.

Being on benefits when these constitute more than half a salary is NOT being financially independent.

You're getting a whole load of hassle here op, I'm sorry.

You've worked hard to find your feet and provide a secure life for your kids after leaving a bad relationship.
You're being sensible and forward thinking about the consequences of your partner moving in long before it happens. You have a job, you're earning what you can. I don't understand why people are giving you a hard time. You're doing everything right.

I don't know the answers to your questions really, sorry. Your financial independence sounds hard won and you are absolutely right to want to hold on to it. (And yes I think including benefits in a sensible way does count as financial independence)

Just to point that I was a single mum from the time my kids were 1 and 4 and worked FT

Well done you.

Here's a tip.. op isn't you.. only you is you.
Op won't have the support network, friends, grandparents or even the same childcare places that you made use of. Not everyone has the same opportunities, education, job, contacts or career as you.

What you just said is akin to Victoria Beckham popping on and telling everyone she made it as a singer, why can't you?

Let's remember that tax credit and in work benefit is a subsidy for employers who pay low wages. Many of the judgemental ppl would not work for such low wages, lucky them.
Op is doing her best, she needs more talk with dp about expectations.
The trust can be ringfenced if you later buy with dp

OP - how many hours do you work per week? I totally get they have to fit in with your kids. I'm doing 32.5 pw but as a TA my hours of work are 8.30-4pm which works for our family 😊

My job isn't well paid but it is important. What would happen if everyone just decided they weren't going to do the menial/low wage jobs? Society would grind to a halt. Yet by some I'm looked down on for not getting a better job.

Let's remember that tax credit and in work benefit is a subsidy for employers who pay low wages

I’d disagree. Many people who claim them have a SAHP or work part time.

Some jobs aren’t high wages but it’s the choices a person makes in their life as to whether the salary is enough to live on.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss

So basically he poor people are poor because of their choices? Got it, understood.

So all those people claiming in work benefits, shelf stackers, road cleaners, nurses, policemen etc are only on shit wages because they choose not to go into higher paid work? Understood, got it.

That makes perfect sense... No really.. I mean it most sincerely...

What about 'Working' Tax Credit-the clue's in the name

It’s not just about the job. It’s the area they choose to live in, if they have children or not. An employer or the state has no choice in what people do yet are blamed for the person then not being able to afford those choices they made themselves, no one else did.

It’s the area they choose to live in

Yes, those bastards, fancy being born into a family that lives in a place and then growing up in that once and having all their family around them.. the wastrels should have been born to a travelling show where momma used to dance for the money they'd throw, daddy should do whatever he could..

So what about people in expensive areas that need carers?

Yes, I could move to a cheaper area but I think it's important that my children have regular contact with their father. Is this wrong too? 

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss you must have lived a very privileged life if you genuinely believe people have chosen to live a life on minimum wage. You obviously haven't got a clue about real life.

I was better off moving in with partner as I had on hand help too! I still got some tax credits and child benefit x

@MyGastIsFlabbered - Did you have any thoughts on my suggestion you could work more hours when DP is providing some childcare? I know it's hard, I am a completely lone parent to two primary ages DC and work full time. I need to sleep by 9.30 every night

Yes I'm not averse to weekend or evening work. The pubs here are always after staff and I used to enjoy 'wenching'. I need to have a discussion with him about his ideas and expectations, it's all moot until that point.

If you (as a couple) don't need the money, perhaps the two of you would prefer to spend your evenings and weekends together.

I don't see the point in desperately trying to make things "equal" when they're not, if he earns 4 times your salary you're not exactly going to match that aren't you? You'll just need to recognise that salary isn't the most important thing and you both have contributions (monetary and otherwise) to bring to the family.

Monkey
You work coach sounds like an utter twat.
I'm just going to leave this here...
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