Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Money matters

Find financial and money-saving discussions including debt and pension chat on our Money forum. If you're looking for ways to make your money to go further, sign up to our Moneysaver emails here.

Original poster

Husband sacked Can anyone help me work out what we can claim?

204 replies

felttippens · 08/06/2014 11:27

I'm completely confused ! We have three children - age 7 11 and 15
I'm self employed but only earnt 4k last year
He now doesn't have a job
We have a mortgage

What do we do???? Xxx

OP posts:
ssd · 10/06/2014 18:18

as I said earlier and got told off for saying it

hell bloody mend him

OwlCapone · 10/06/2014 18:22

hell bloody mend him

What does that actually mean?

CMP69 · 10/06/2014 18:30

I am in an HCPC regulated profession, he is very unlikely to win an appeal, alcohol and drugs are a no no! He is very likely to be struck off. It's not good for not admitting something on a DBS/CRB application

ssd · 10/06/2014 21:10

I realise this is a local saying Grin

it more or less means he deserves what comes to him

OwlCapone · 10/06/2014 21:14

First time I read it I assumed it was some kind of hell wrought by autocorrect :)

As you were...

ssd · 10/06/2014 21:26
Grin
Fluffycloudland77 · 11/06/2014 08:33

I'd leave him, or send him on his way and claim as a single parent.

I'm really sorry you're going through this.

I think the drugs will always be there won't they?

SugarMiceInTheRain · 11/06/2014 08:44

Joining the others who are saying that you're better off without him. He clearly doesn't care what effect he is having on his family, he's proving himself to be the waster he is being accused of being. Why should you pick up all the pieces when he doesn't give a monkey's? You and your family deserve better.

Clutterbugsmum · 11/06/2014 10:18

It sounds like he has kept his drug use secret from you for a long time, and it has now tajen hold of him.

Original poster
felttippens · 11/06/2014 19:49

Not sure if it's just lip service but I had a go at him the other day and he has since started working on his cv and talking about contacting union for appeal - too little too late? I can't stand sight of him at the moment

OP posts:
Waltermittythesequel · 12/06/2014 07:37

Only you can decide that treading.

But a man who cared about and respected his family wouldn't have been behaving the way he has in the first place...

lougle · 12/06/2014 07:53

I'd be devastated if my husband gave up on me because I'd made a huge error. Nobody has died. He has made some colossal errors of judgement (understatement) but if he is willing to try and sorry it out that's a good thing.

I say that as someone who is teetotal and hates smoking, let alone drug use, by the way, so I'm not condoning any of his actions. I just think it's unfair for you to be pressured to LTB. People do stupid things. Some of those stupid things are gratefully forgotten about. Others have consequences which last longer.

LIZS · 12/06/2014 08:01

Well I suppose that is a start, treading . However given his current attitude I'd have more than a small suspicion that he has been using all along and presumably hidden it from you.

Breakhardthewishbone · 12/06/2014 10:05

Lougle I think there's a difference between "giving up on someone" and saying to someone "I can't live with you while you are making these destructive choices". The OP has bent over backwards to try and help her husband.

Clutterbugsmum · 12/06/2014 10:50

but if he is willing to try and sorry it out that's a good thing but thats the point isn't it. He not doing it he sitting around drinking and getting stoned rather than either sorting out an appeal or looking for a new job, not to mention spending money the family should and could be using for the whole family needs rather then just himself.

If he spending the £30 per day on himself when that could be used for his family is totally selfish.

Original poster
felttippens · 12/06/2014 23:41

A sad twist In the tale my lovely grandpa age 89 had a heart op last tues he recovered well in the first couple days but today he's gone down hill - he is now ventilated and it doesn't look good x

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 13/06/2014 09:57

Huge error? This guy has made a series of them, usually involving drugs, and is still using!

ssd · 13/06/2014 18:34

am sorry about your grandpa op Thanks

Original poster
felttippens · 13/06/2014 22:13

Thanks ssd - definite testing times at the moment

Appreciate every message on this thread it's helping to realise that a situation I've been putting up with isn't acceptable x

OP posts:
Waltermittythesequel · 13/06/2014 22:44

I'm so sorry for your troubles Flowers

tobysmum77 · 18/06/2014 14:52

I'm sorry it's nonsense that he has no skills. He needs to get his arse down a temping agency and get an administration or entry level job. benefits are not for those who consider that they can't get another job at v the level they want, they are for those who can't get any job at all. He still have to lower his expectations of living standards, oh and accept he can't afford to drink and smoke dope

Original poster
felttippens · 28/08/2014 18:41

Hi just wanted to update this...
His appeal is in 6 weeks
Turns out up to now he was still on the register , he self referred to them to inform them of the caution so their investigation is now underway
He has permission from them to practice until they reach a decision so he has arranged a locum position starting soon that will involve him working away. He declared caution on the crb to the agency and it seems to have gone through
I'm just so so so worried that the HPC might still strike him off - I've found lots of references to other cases similar to his - many stay on the register but many don't - hard to tell which way it will go.

OP posts:
Preciousbane · 29/08/2014 09:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Serenitysutton · 29/08/2014 10:05

I feel so much for you OP. What a frustrating and helpless situation.

Although it may not seem like it, I suspect the reason for his lack of engagement and action is shame and feeling helpless. It's very very hard for both of you.

Phoning your mortgage company is sensible advice. The only think id say is whilst sensible it's not always best. Payment holidays are rare now. If you're going to miss payments many banks couldn't care less whether you inform them on advance or not. Similar happened to us in 2008. Our lender was sub prime- they made our lives he'll once they knew we were in trouble, it was awful, and ultimately tipping them off made no difference. Just play the game- do everything you can to stay under 3 months arrears in this emergency situation until you recover and are in a position to sort it out. Right now your priority is council tax, food, mortgage, ultilities. Bugger everything else and that includes credit cards.

Original poster
felttippens · 29/08/2014 19:25

Yes he has, he really stepped up - since I wrote this my grandpa died followed by my dad and on the day my dad died my mum was rushed to intensive care with sepsis shock and organ failure - she survived but is still in hospital. Dh broke his leg a week later
To say life is hitting me when I'm down is an understatement

OP posts: