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Original poster

Help.......... Ex related CSA and extra payments......

203 replies

Reginaphalangey · 29/10/2012 11:54

Can anyone offer me some advice please........

I have no biological kids of my own (yet) but My wonderful partner of 6months has a 4yr old child from a previous marriage,

His ex left him, and since the split he has had 50% custody of the child and has faithfully paid monthly amounts over half extra to the amount required of him by law through the CSA......

His ex however is challenging him that he does not contribute enough...... And over and above him paying extra to her per month, she now expects him to pay half of all extra curricular activities!!!

To me this seems unreasonable, and that she will continue to want more and more from him.....
But my querie is, what do the child support payments cover, and can anyone else offer their opinion on my dilemma??

Should he drop back to paying only the required monthly amount??? And should she be demanding any extra above the figure given by the CSA???

Thanks for reading

OP posts:
IneedAsockamnesty · 30/10/2012 13:46

nicky if he had no job his liability would have been £5 pw to cover the costs of all his none resident children unless he claimed no benefits at all then it would have been nil from the point that she involved the csa.

still not sure how thats her being a bitch and punishing him sounds to me more like she was rather daft.

this is how i figure it you paid her (with no legal responsability to do so) she wanted more you said no,so she said ho hum lets go to the csa. so the csa said either nil or £5pw.

many months ago i kept on getting told i should be careful to make sure my exbf other ex didnt find out my income or anything about me because she could hammer me for money- sorry but bollocks (i said to the person who said this to me) if she wanted more than the private arangement it wouldnt happen due to anything to do with me as maintainance liability is based soley on the nrp's income so should she have gone to the csa she would have got nil.he was not nor will he ever be (even if we stayed togather) my responsability he is a grown man who has responsabilities of his own and those include funding his own children so he should get off his lazy xbox playing arse and get a fecking job.(obviously thats solely regarding my exbf and in no way to be concidered my opinun regarding all nrps).

nicky2012 · 30/10/2012 13:53

we were told that i and my children would never be allowed contact, not my child so no rite to have a say weather i had seen her or not and as far as i know the kid has no interest as she is old enuogh to make her own choice still no contact. misslemon i am not gunna rise to your pathetic attempt to stir things up.

gobbymare · 30/10/2012 13:53

£125 per week MrsJR it used to be £50 p/w but due to current petrol prices & insurance costs it had to go down.
I suggested he put it in her child trust fund as she comes to us in an unkempt state and we also buy her clothes and it has only got worse since his ex got a boyfriend.
He also gave his daughter 20k share in the house that they owned so I think it's quite a bit he pays.

MrsjREwing · 30/10/2012 13:54

Who told you that your bf?

gobbymare · 30/10/2012 13:54

It is a private agreement no CSA involved I forgot to add.

MissKeithLemon · 30/10/2012 13:56

Me stir things up?

I guess I can't help myself, what with being an exbitch and all Wink

MrsjREwing · 30/10/2012 13:59

He earns £50 pw?

Why does he want to be such a control freak and give the equity from the house and maintence in such a strange way?

Describe unkept please?

gobbymare · 30/10/2012 14:09

no sorry he earns 125 pw now.
he used to pay her 50 pw when his wage was 200 but with petrol etc could not afford it.
He gave his daughter the equity because the mother could not afford to buy him out ( she should have thought about this before having an affair) she said she would sell up and said she would move daughter to somewhere cheaper to live.
so it's hardly him being a control freak he would rather child b set up when she is older and see her grow up.
clothes that are for a 4 yr old when she is 7 and is actually in 8./9 just one example.

BeingBooyhoo · 30/10/2012 14:13

did the clothes fit her though? or were they just a tiny but small? because my 3.5 year old has just this month had a growth spurt and finally grown out of an age 9-12 months coat he has had since he was 1. i wasn't being neglectful by keeping him in it, it just fitted and was in great condition. it seemed stupid to get rid if it still fitted. alot of his clothes are for younger ages because they stil fit.

gobbymare · 30/10/2012 14:13

I have seen the divorce papers stating affair and also seen the solicitor letters to prove the 20k so I know it all to be true.
So I think he pays than he should and I think it's too much but I would not ask him to change it as his daughter comes first naturally but when I seen this thred thought I would see other people's opinion.

GoreyClaWsPumpkinHeed · 30/10/2012 14:14

"its you lot that have got the pitch forks out caus you dont like my opions"

CANNOT BELIEVE THIS IS STILL GOING!!!!

Nicky needs to stay off the opion imo [hsmile]

BeingBooyhoo · 30/10/2012 14:14

similarly some of my 7.5 year olds clothes are for ages 4-5 because they still fit. (ds2 also gets to wear these if i get confused about who owns what Grin)

gobbymare · 30/10/2012 14:15

no boo she is big for her age.
my son is 11 and he is small for his age he is in 9/10 so I have no prob there.

GoreyClaWsPumpkinHeed · 30/10/2012 14:16

Also pixie gets the best stepmummy award, well done on being an excellent human.

IneedAsockamnesty · 30/10/2012 14:19

gobby,

how is she getting the clothes on her if shes big for her age?

gobbymare · 30/10/2012 14:19

grr stupid predictive txt on phone, that should have said "i think he pays more than he should"

BeingBooyhoo · 30/10/2012 14:19

just checking. i know some people can get funny about sticking to teh right 'ages' in clothes for dcs. i would hate to think people thought i wasn't dressing my dcs right jsut because they ages on teh label didn't match tehir actual ages.

IneedAsockamnesty · 30/10/2012 14:24

no award needed. im very lucky to know the child concerned conciders me to be family,if her dad hadnt have passed away we would probally still be togather and mum would be getting that from him she loses out on so much the very least i can do is provide the things that are with in my ability to a child that i love dearly.

gobbymare · 30/10/2012 14:25

No boo with you totally, its what fits them best not matching age sizes, totally agree.
The clothes are mostly leggins she comes to us in but they are obviously too small because they are see through for a start and come up half way up her legs , knickers which are too small they give her red marks and make her sore.
shoes too small she has big feet for her age and again they make her feet sore.

GoreyClaWsPumpkinHeed · 30/10/2012 14:30

Yes Pixie it is lovely and as you can see by this thread there are a lot of selfish mofos (check my street word, hey maybe that should be fafos?! [hhmm] !) out there who cannot see the woods for the trees and will never actually recognise the importance of extended family. I still say well done and give yourself a pat on the back for doing what should be done by all [hgrin]

PickledFanjoCat · 30/10/2012 14:57

My DS is wearing 6-9 month old jeans at 19 months, he is a shrimp.

Still it saves me money and I can spend the excess of my CSA thousands on booze and fags and pies and the like.

PickledFanjoCat · 30/10/2012 14:58

Sorry gobby I am still on the wind up, didnt mean to take the pee out of your situation there.

PickledFanjoCat · 30/10/2012 14:59

Its true about the jeans though btw

gobbymare · 30/10/2012 15:08

No probs Fanjo, i didnt take it as taking the pee anyway. Its not a situation, just wondered if it was OTT what he pays, even if people said it was it wouldnt change anyhow.

When we got together we told each other that our children (him 1 daughter me 2 children) came first no matter what to which we both agreed.
So altho i have an opinion on it, i wouldn`t ask him to change or make him feel he had to, its his child and he address his ex wife about matters of his daughter.

I personally take no money from my childrens father because he has them 3 nights a week and takes them places holidays meals out etc...

If i needed any extra cash towards the children i am sure he would help out as best he could.
It what suit your own family unit and aslong as all parties happy no need for CSA.

PickledFanjoCat · 30/10/2012 15:09

I can see that there are all sorts of different situations Gobby..

Good that you have sorted things amicably..