Help.......... Ex related CSA and extra payments......

[Reginaphalangey]

Can anyone offer me some advice please........

I have no biological kids of my own (yet) but My wonderful partner of 6months has a 4yr old child from a previous marriage,

His ex left him, and since the split he has had 50% custody of the child and has faithfully paid monthly amounts over half extra to the amount required of him by law through the CSA......

His ex however is challenging him that he does not contribute enough...... And over and above him paying extra to her per month, she now expects him to pay half of all extra curricular activities!!!

To me this seems unreasonable, and that she will continue to want more and more from him.....
But my querie is, what do the child support payments cover, and can anyone else offer their opinion on my dilemma??

Should he drop back to paying only the required monthly amount??? And should she be demanding any extra above the figure given by the CSA???

Thanks for reading

nicky did indeed mention her OH/DH having an EXbitch.

the op was asking a serious question,was perfectly reasonable for her to ask. tiss a shame that an extreamly nasty person with very offensive cuntishly weird woman hating views compleatly derailed her thread even if they are honestly held views.

Those fucking EXbitches. Nothing but jealous, bitter, money grabbing slags, with their Jeremy Kyle ways and their TV's, expecting the men to contribute financially towards their own children.

Regina - can I direct you to the stepparents section? You might be able to get some advice from people in a similar situation there

What sort of self-employment is available to a single mum of two which offers a substantial income (enough for three family holidays a year, accountancy fees, as well as the TV and Sky), provides free time during the day to watch daytime TV and clearly doesn't require any sort of interpersonal skills?

rite this is stupid now. i never once named ANY of you or made direct comments to ANY OF YOU!! i said women LIKE my partners ex. you started with the personal attacks! bringing my children, parnter and work into this so i retaliated out of anger i no i shudnt of. obv hit a nerv and you all got your hackles up. i dont have the same view on csa as you so im wrong! ha and im supposed to live in a small world.
and i have taken a week off work for half term?
i have heard enough women say go to csa hit him where it hurts. just have a look for other posts on csa... im clearly not the only one who thinks the csa is another weapon used by spitefull ex's. end of

No people say go to the CSA to ask for the father to quite rightly provide some financial support for the children he has fathered.

Like my nephew as one example.

Your attitude thoughout the whole thread has been disgraceful.

End of, Yeeeeah!

I was so good at being a feckless money grabbing bitch that neither of my dc's fathers have gone on to have any more children with any other bitches

I did a right number on them I did

I'm pretty sure they'd never hook up with a partner who referred to me as exbitch either... but then, I don't live in JV world.

Nicky - have you considered a spell checker? Or fictional writing? You have a speshul talent there, don't waste it.

nicky You said most women who use the CSA are jealous.....etc etc etc.

You also directly attacked me by implying that if I worked for a living, rather than rely on the CSA, then I could afford material things like a TV and Sky.

Somewhere in there you suggested that the quoted statistics relating to CSA claimants were inaccurate because they only referred to registered births.

again did i name YOU directly erm no! so shush. i put that AFTER you directed a comment at me! yes? stats on registerd births have nothing to do with stats on csa your pointless point on that being? and caus i say women LIKE my parters ex you all assume im talking about you? also you say that im wrong for haing a negative view ON THE WOMEN I HAVE PERSONALY MET OR HEARD OF that im wrong like you know every case personaly do you? read other posts on here im clearly not the only one who has this view of csa

So I am a spitefull ex bitch weilding weapons for going to CSA as that hits someone where it hurts, WOW! What a violent and bitter description.

I suggest your GP will help with those angey, bitter and violent thoughts.

I can't imagine getting so wound up about someone else's life.

I don't have codependant issues and rescue issues with capable adults or medelling tendances, so I only involve myself with making my under 18 dc life more comfortable like any good Parent would.

I put a stat up which shows that the majority of births are registered within relationships. I did this to counter your point that LOTS of women (because this is what you said in one of your posts) have babies outside loving commited relationships. The statistic proved you wrong.

So you shifted to talk about DNA testing - which is irrelevent because there is a) more fathers tested who ARE the father of the baby and b) Having a DNA test is not an indication that the majority of mothers do not know who fathered their child, merely that of the small amount of DNA tests which are performed, only 1 in 6 (a small percentage) are proven not to be the dad. Talk about a pointless point.

In effect you have disproved your own point! The majority of CSA claims are made on fathers who were at the registration of the birth of their child (and who were in commited relationships, either married or living together) and are therefore liable to pay towards the maintenance of their children.

You move in a sad circle it appears, garnering your knowledge from shochshows like Jeremy Kyle and mixing with people who have hard and unhappy lives.

Smearing other people who are forced to use the CSA in order to receive some money towards feeding their children is pretty disgusting, and regardless of whether you name posters in your aggressive and regressive posts or not, can still be considered personal attacks.

it was me that was giving her money and buying things when he was out of work, SHE got greedy and wanted more of MY MONEY not his she thought she'd get a cut of my business. also she tells him hes not the father when is suits and refuses to have dna csa are dragging their feet with testing. im a nutcase caus i dont share the sam views as you?

But those sort of people are in the minority. You basing your opinions and beliefs around how the minority behave is just plain wrong.

It's throwing the baby out with the bathwater.

you say im wrong but its perfectly fine for others to bring MY children in to this i have never made any comments about others childern caus that is disgusting to drag other ppls children caus they cant think of anthing els to put im quite sure if brought your children upyou would not keep quiet...

OP why do you spend time with such people, where ever you live, what ever class, how ever much money people have is irrelevant, you surrounded yourself by scummy peers, why?

If you love your dp and stepchild, and are wealthy I can't see why you won't help out your dp's child when he isn't working, what is so wrong with that?

As a long time (15 years) step mum where child support has been paid under a court order and then CSA I would make the following points:

1. Although you are involved in that the child support payments impact your lifestyle with new partner you have to recognise that the children are his financial priority.
2. The payments via the CSA are based on his affordability - my DH pays £800 / mth for one child. I somehow doubt all that money gets spent directly on the stepchild but we have no say in that.
3. Based on what he (we) pay every month we would probably be reticent in paying addditional money for ballet / brownies/ kick boxing lessons. But if we paid a lot less maybe we would consider it in a sensible fashion.
4. If he goes to the CSA it might make things a little cleaner cut for all parties.
5. You have to recognise that this child will be a financial responsibility for many years to come (as well as an emotional one) - if you can handle it then that is fine, but if you can't, or you already resent the impact of the financial committment, maybe this relationship is not for you however much you love your DP.

Nicky - I am sure we all have a lot of strong feelings about the CSA, ExPs and child support, and as you have rightly pointed out each individual's experience will mold their own perceptions and opinions. However, this does not mean that any one person has a right to enforce their opinions on another.

Trouble is, they are out there and they don't feel very 'minority' when they're interfering in your life.

That's not to say I agree that we CSA-ites (I include myself) are all money grabbing harpies. We're not. BUT I have to say I find a lot of women's views change with which side of the fence they're on

Again your language is violent OP, dragging kids, weapons etc, do you or did you live with violence?