emmsys angels xxx support for mummies of lost angels xxx

[EisAHandbagaHolic]

hi ladies
well i think its about time we had somewhere where we can all come to reflect on our lost angels and help us to move on towards the future and support eachother through the bumps in the road in the meantime
love and hugs to you all
{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}
xx ei xx

ah but vm one day we will meet and i will no longer be barbie and mm will know longer be mm either, we will find you out and then i will read said book! With any luck your second will be published too and i will have two novels to read whilst on the beach in dubai! lol.....

Oh no, barbie, now I feel terrible! Ok, it's called The Bellini Madonna, but don't read it on the beach, I warn you (my dentist tried to do that and nearly died in the attempt ).

jonesy, I've just found this incredibly sensitive reply by a midwife online to a woman who's just exeprienced what you have, maybe worth a look? I wish this person were my midwife!

miscarriage worries: blighted ovum

I feel terrible at making you reveal who you are i really didnt mean too.
I would of waited until we had met but now im off to google said book and order a copy

Ah, don't worry barbie! Guess you know more about me already than what's in a mere book! x

vm what a wonderful, beautiful way to remember your lo who didn't make it. Wow a writer........and over the last couple of months we have found out what a wonderful one you are, well you do know how to pull on the old heart strings your words have certainly stirred the emotions today. I hope you find finishing the novel healing and it would be lovely to finish it with a new preg. Still not too sure how I feel about the risk assessment, I am sceptical atm but may feel better when I actually see how thorough they have been. BTW I don't know about your novels barely selling I think your potential reader based has just risen[grin).

barbie still pondering over the tattoo and exactly what I would want but I will certainly come with you next week if you want. Sorry it sounds like I am chickening out but this is something I never thought I would get done so want to take some time to get it right. Glad you are feeling better now (well you were until vm started with her wonderful words), do you know what time you will have free next week?

jonesy68 hope you are ok hun, remember you are not alone.

Need to go for now, will be back later xxx

Well it wont go any further, thats a promise...what gets said on here stays on here.
Fantastic book, just read first page and ordered a copy too!

Took so long posting that have crossed lots of posts, will chat later.

Quick glance another book order for me.

mm, barbie, as usual you've made me all teary... beginning to feel that if I do write anything ever again (which I've recently been doubting will ever happen)it will be largely thanks to you guys and to this thread! Are you two really going to meet, BTW? Amazing! x

I've just logged back in and have got very excited about your book, vm, and every question barbie asked I was asking too.
Talking of remembering our angels, I got a ring, it's just a simple gold band, and I wear it on my little finger on my right hand. I got it after I lost my first baby, and after my second loss, I didn't feel like I needed anything else, my simple gold ring is enough, symbolysing a neverendeing love and rememberance.

Ha ha you are going to have to check out the top ten book this week i think you will be up there after we have all ordered, by the way i have ordered 3!
vickyjane lol out me asking all the questions you wanted too, i have a habit of just asking away!
The ring sounds lovely too xx

barbie where did you order vm's book from?

Amazon.....

I will also get a copy!! I think having a book published is a big achievement, is it not? Lots of people think about, talk about writing a book but you've had your published! Well done you!

I would imagine that, as a writer, an (unwanted) positive outcome of having experienced something like a mc is a deeper understanding of the human condition? Every cloud and all that...

you can buy from waterstones too.....

I've ordered my copy

All done, thanks everyone. Here's to things getting better from now

Barbie, LOL at the thermometer story but feel awful for you having that experience on your walk. I think maybe deep down we may know more about these poor lost babies than we realise. After all it was part of you. Maybe after the shock wears off it will help to think of a little girl. I was convinced I was carrying a boy, this time and before my first miscarriage. I said to dh the day before our scan that I didn't understand how I felt the little bean was a boy, but I was picturing the baby i would introduce to people as a little girl. I hope your DH is back soon to give you a big hug but here's one in the meantime xx

lilac - Speaking of classics, I was crying when I came out of the anaesthetic and the tears kept flowing. The nurse in recovery asked me what was wrong and I just kept sobbing that I wanted my baby. She told me I had to stop, and then went on to tell me that Man wasn't able to solve my problem and that I should turn to God. All respect to those who have faith but it really didn't help. I cannot believe the comments you have got though - #3 in particular. Nice comment from your boss too Barbie!

Sabs, hope your day went well and that your pregnant friend was a bit more of a "friend" this time!

MM, I saw two beautiful paintings on the day I found out. At the time I was thinking it would be lovely to buy for the bean, though way too soon. Then when I had the scan and awful news, we decided to buy them as something to remember the two little ones lost and put them on the wall side by side. VillageMum, I think it's so beautiful that you are finishing this book in memory of your baby. I'm delighted Barbie got the title of your first book out of ya - I'm off to amazon it up

Jonesy, my heart goes out to you. I posted on this forum first a couple of days ago. I had a scan that showed a missed miscarriage at 11 weeks, then had to wait a week for second scan. My scan also showed an empty sac and somehow that seemed to upset me most of all. I couldn't bear that it didn't grow at all. I also had morning sickness, boob job (well looked like it!) etc but apparently it's a different set of hormones that cause this. Also something that did comfort me was reading that an empty sac doesn't always mean there wasn't a foetus, sometimes it is a blighted ovum and sometimes there was a foetus and the longer it remains undiscovered, the smaller it gets. I'm sorry if this is TMI or upsetting. I found it made me feel better thinking this. I guess I feel that the more of a baby it was, the more my grief is acceptable . The truth is though that we've all lost real babies, at whatever stage it happens or whatever was left. And while it hurts to think that for 5 weeks after it died we were calling it Elmo and marvelling at its growth every week and that it could feel us tickling its feet, we have to remember that it lived, and was loved.

I hope you get lots of comfort from this forum. I have never met a lovelier bunch of people. I'm looking forward to having some good buddies to go through the whole TTC process with. Fingers crossed for us all

You will get through this Jonesy.

Wow! Thanks so much for your kind words and support, I can't begin to tell you just how much it means to me - it's been such a comfort!

vm I read that link (and read it out to DP when he came home too) as it actually properly explained the whole thing to me and NOW at last I understand... Considering I'd spoken to so many medical professionals already (lady who did the scan, hospital consultants x 2, my GP) and all their explanations were woolly to say the least so this has helped me so much - I can't even tell you. Thank you thank you thank you!!!

circularrainbow I too had excessive blood loss but the next day (yesterday) and was already booked in for an ERPC (for tomorrow) but by the time I got to the hospital yesterday lunchtime, it had calmed a bit so I think I'd done it on my own - I am grateful for that. It's so scary though isn't it?! I thought 'is this going to stop'?!

Finally, on the subject of mementos, one of my best friends in the world moved to Oz with her DH and DD year b4 last and in May suffered a MC. I sent her a beautiful necklace which is a silver chain with a pair of tiny silver angel wings on it. When I saw it (Azendi) in the shop and tried it on, I burst into tears thinking of my poor friend and the pain I knew she was in and I bought it for her immediately and sent it to her to signify the angel wings her baby had flown away from her with. She hasn't taken it off since she got it.

PS. yes 40 and a half almost! Uggh! But still gonna ttc again - hell I'm young at heart! DS is nearly 6 btw.

curly thank you for your kindness. It really is awful isn't it? While seeing an empty sac there was shocking, confusing and then devastatingly saddening, I think seeing a lifeless form there would have been ultimately more heartbreaking. I'm not sure about that but I think so. Either way I feel cheated as after the 1st MC in June, when everything felt wrong and so I wasn't surprised (although still devastated) when I had MC, this time felt so different and I was so optimistic - this was a total shocker as I SO didn't see it coming. DP is still in shock I think but has been wonderful, thankfully.

I know what you mean by your grief feeling more acceptable if there were actually a baby there because I've found myself justifying the pg I've felt when I've told the people I've had to tell, almost as if it were all a sham and I'd imagined it all, you know?

Girls, I'm just so touched that you're actually getting the book - wow! I never expected that... (and I'm sorry in advance if it sends anyone to sleep!) Barbie, thanks to you asking me that question I'm now actually feeling positive about writing again, a miracle!! So thank you!

VickyJane, your ring is a really beautiful idea.

Curlywurlee, so glad you're back and that the worst of the physical part is over for you... now the healing can start, in its own time. I love the idea of you remembering your baby with the paintings - pictures can mean more than words. Those remarks by the nurse in recovery - what? no!! Why do these well-meaning people always pick the very worst moment?

Jonesey, I'm really glad that link helped - I also thought it was both reassuring and sane, just what we need at times like this... I had a mmc, discovered at 10 weeks, but my baby had died at 6, so I'm with you. I still wonder often if he or she might have been older - say 7 or 8 weeks - but whether some tissue change hadn't taken place (as Curlywurlee writes above). The consultant said that we will never know, and I've had to make my peace with that. Sending you and your dh strength.
My ds is 7 by the way...

Circular, I think you're right - mc isn't an experience I would wish on anyone, but when it happens to you you realise that you somehow have to integrate it into who you are, and as you say it's sadly part of the human condition. There are so many of us who have been through this mill; being on MN is a real eye opener to that. We are all different but in another way all one.

Off to feed everyone in my house ice cream now and then bed! x

Jonesy, it's hard not to be optimistic isn't it, especially as time goes on.. I remember reading after my first miscarriage (also around the same time as yours ) that a miscarriage just sucks the joy out of any future pregnancies. While it's true to an extent, it's impossible not to get a wee bit excited.

Does anyone have any thoughts on how to manage things next time round? I was thinking it would be good to scan early next time, but is it then much harder if it happens after hearing a heartbeat or seeing the baby move??

Sorry I seem to be a bit posting-crazy today. And is it too soon to be thinking of next time already?

Just a PS for Jonesey - you were pregnant, don't ever doubt that! Physically, emotionally: you were. You conceived... take all the time and space you need to grieve for this baby and don't ever feel a sham. xx

vm just checked out your book on Amazon. Pretty bloody good!!! It allows you to rea quite a bit which I've just done and I think I might treat myself... Have also been looking for a Christmas present for my dear friend Fi who is quite a literary and arty Londoner who I remember bought me the book Perfume many years ago as she loved it so much and I think this could be just perfect!

Well done to you and thnx! Yo should indeed be proud.

curly No I agree with you completely and I too am thinking of nxt time already - I have to! Have been considering how to deal with it nxt time and what's best. I don't know yet and hope a)there will be a nxt time and b) I will know what to do by then!

But initially my thoughts are;
i)early scan
ii) tell NO ONE

...that's as far as I've got...we'll work it out...