Missed miscarriage

[Armdjm]

Hello, I am just looking for any advice (preferably from NHS experience) as I know no one who has gone through this to ask.

I am 9 1/2 weeks pregnant, had a private scan yesterday which confirmed heart stopped at 6+4. I had a gut feeling (hence the scan) I can’t explain why as I still have all my symptoms.

I rang my local unit and went today for a scan who again confirmed the same as the private scan but are making us go back in 14 days for a re scan before I can have any medical management.

it just feels cruel and I have so many worries.
Will it happen naturally when it stopped so long ago?
can I end up with an infection with it just left there?
Will the NHS offer surgical management over tablets?

I just feel tortured

thank you to anyone who has read this!

I’m really sorry to hear this. All miscarriages are awful but I think missed miscarriages are especially cruel.

I found out at our 12 week scan our baby had stopped growing many weeks before. In my gut I knew things weren’t going well but as I’d had no physical symptoms I buried my head in the sand until the scan.

Have the hospital advised why they’re making you wait 14 days? I’ve not heard of that before. With ours they pushed expectant management heavily (basically - wait and do it yourself at home). Mine started a few hours after the scan, and I was hopefully I’d need no intervention, but it ended up being incredibly painful and traumatic, so (after a week of trying to deal with it at home) I opted for a procedure I think was called an MVA and I was awake for this, and used gas and air. It was uncomfortable but not painful, and it meant I was able to recover a whole lot quicker than dealing with it all myself at home.

Push for the treatment option you think is right for you, and I think I would be asking for a second opinion re the 14 day wait.

Be kind to yourself and take at least 2 weeks off work. It’s a really rough time but you will get through it. Stock up on hot water bottles and painkillers. I still think about mine, and the ‘what ifs’, but the pain (both mentally and physically) does get easier.

First off, i'm so sorry you're going through this.
My experience is slightly different from yours. I went for my 12 week scan and found out i had lost at 7 weeks 3 days, no warning, still had all my symptoms. Had it confirmed the same day and was given the leaflets and told to get in touch with my decision. I opted for medical management, and had my appointment a week later, in which time nothing had happened naturally.
I think its shocking they're asking you to wait so long to have it confirmed.
I was given the choice of waiting for nature, medical or surgical though, so hopefully when you do get it confirmed they offer you all the options.
Hopefully someone else comes along who was asked to wait that can help put your mind at ease.
Sending hugs to you

I’m so sorry.

In my experience, the second NHS scan is to make sure that there hasn’t been any growth or development in case your dates were wrong. My body continued to not realise that I had miscarried so I ended up having surgical management around six weeks after first realising I had miscarried (and around 12 weeks after the baby had stopped growing).

Hiya

So sorry you're going through this too.

I found out that I've had a missed miscarriage this week too 🤍 I had a scan 5 days prior to a routine 8-week fertility scan and everything was fine, so I certainly was not expecting the news.

It's sad that they're making you wait that long. My EPU offered three options: expectant, medical and surgical management. At the time I was too overwhelmed by the news to make a decision. I've got to go back Tuesday to be rescanned and make a decision. To be honest I still haven't decided.

So sorry your going for this. It truly is an agonising process. 💐🕊

@May00 its funny how you just have a feeling isn’t it? I went for an early scan just for reassurance in the beginning about 2 weeks ago and they dated me 9 days behind (I had tested for ovulation) and at this scan baby had a heartbeat and all looked well but by the date I just knew so I booked this one last minute yesterday as I just couldn’t wait for my 12 week one. I’m so sorry you have experienced this also. I feel so scared for it to start at home as I have a 16 month old daughter and I’m trying so hard to act like nothing is happening. If you don’t mind me asking how come after a week you needed medical management? Were things just not coming away properly? They have advised me if I bleed between now and my follow up scan to take a pregnancy test the day of and if it’s still positive to still go incase anything is retained

As @FuzzyStripes has said, they’ve said they can’t take into account the 2 private scans I’ve had so although baby has only grown by 1 day in 2 weeks and heart has been seen then stopped they have to check themselves that it is going to develop basically. Again I’m so sorry you have had to go through this also fuzzystripes! You have filled me with a bit of confidence that you remained well in yourself in all those weeks after baby had passed. The nurse in me automatically thinks of something like a nasty infection happening

@FredAndChips I’m so sorry you have also experienced this. It just seems so cruel. It’s so difficult when you know no one that has been through it also. I would like surgical management if it’s offered, again because I just don’t want to be around my little girl while it’s happening. I know some trusts offer tablets to kick start it (I’m assuming like an abortion) and I just don’t like that idea with her here. Did you opt for the surgery under general anaesthetic?

@CJHR18 I’m so sorry you’re also going through this. It’s awful once you’ve seen baby growing and with a heartbeat isn’t it to then be told it’s stopped. Our babies stopped the day after our scan. I don’t know why I had such a feeling, I did before our 1st scan and I don’t know why, I couldn’t get excited like I did with my last pregnancy and I could never put my finger on why but I guess this is why!

The waiting game is so hard isn’t it, I feel by the time I’ve waited until my next scan I will of had no heartbeat for over 4 weeks so I know I would much rather the medical management. I feel a bit trapped, I’m scared to go out with my little girl incase it happens it’s such a strange feeling!

it’s such a big decision to make, it feels so final and clinical doesn’t it 🤍🤍

Yes very strange how often, we just know. On the way into hospital I was warning my partner about missed miscarriages, that’s how much I knew things weren’t right!!

I opted into surgical after a week as it was extremely painful (I found it similar to actual contractions) and as I was at 12 weeks I had a lot of tissue, and it was extremely heavy bleeding consistently for days and days. However when they scanned me before my procedure there was still so much still in me, I couldn’t believe it. It would have carried on for weeks longer at home.

My toddler was completely oblivious if that’s any help, I just planned a lot of sitting down games, and they watched a fair bit of tv for a few weeks.

@Armdjm from the sizing, It also looks like the heartbeat stopped the day after our scan too. I keep looking back to see if there was anything I done differently. I feel guilty for not noticing that something was wrong.

I know what you mean about going out with your little girl. I really do think it's unfair that they are making you wait that long. You have to put your whole life on hold and really can't start the healing process x

@May00 Yeah I prewarned my husband about them! Very strange isn’t it!! They didn’t cross my mind in my 1st pregnancy

I have read a lot of people say they start bleeding once they’ve had the scan to confirm, as if your body is just ready to let go so I keep thinking I wonder if that will happen or if it’s just never going to happen on its own. Did they get you in quickly to have your procedure once you went back?

That’s good to know! I mean she’s far too young to really understand anything, it’s just the mum guilt getting at me for being sad around her at the minute!

@CJHR18 its sad isn’t it, I said to my husband I almost wish we had never seen the heartbeat. It makes it that much harder to the same as you, think what did I do that day etc. But I think inevitably there is absolutely nothing we could do and it isn’t our fault!

Yes I feel very in limbo, I feel like we will not be able to heal until it’s physically happened. I wish they could just take into consideration when I found out I was pregnant at least as I now found out I was pregnant longer ago than the baby is measuring! I think I had prepared myself mentally for them to say I had to come back in a week but when they said 2 I was devastated, I think especially because I’ve felt from very early on that something wasn’t right I feel I’ve been grieving something for so long already if that makes sense, it feels cruel prolonging that

Hi there.
I am so sorry you're in this situation right now. I will tell you my experience and hope it can help you in case it starts before you're seen again.

My first MMC stopped growing at 8 weeks and I didn't start spotting until almost 11 weeks. I went for a scan privately to confirm and ran to the hospital for help. They did a pee test and sent me home with instructions to return if it got worse. It got worse.
I went into labour two days later. I had contractions for two days on/off until I was sick from the pain and couldn't walk. When I got to the hospital I passed what I can only say was the sac.
The whole thing was traumatic and I am still suffering from PTSD 2 years on.

If you start having any cramps please get yourself to A&E. prepare an overnight bag now. Take pain medication if you need but if it doesn't work, you need to run to a&e. Start taking walks, this helped me pass the remains. Don't forget to breath through any pain.

I hope your experience isn't traumatic on top of losing your baby. I say all this because I was in shock and wished the drs had warned me on how much more worse it could be. I hope everything passes as peaceful for you. Take good care of yourself now and after. Again, I am so sorry for your loss.

@92rainbows Im so sorry for your experience it sounds very traumatic and completely understand why you’re still suffering with that!

I think they definitely play it down as if it won’t be too bad and just a ‘heavy period’. Did A&E did a lot for you when you ended up there? The early pregnancy did say today to go to A&E if things do start and become unbearable but I’m unsure what it is they would do so would be good to hear your experience with them!

I have many friends who have had a ‘normal’ miscarriage but it sounds like a missed one seems to be a lot harder to pass once it eventually starts

You could be me. My baby stopped growing at 6w4 too and I should be 9w5. I found out on Sunday. I was seen by the EPU on Monday morning and they confirmed what the private scan said but they said they have to wait for another scan to confirm it’s definitely over before we can move forward. I go back on Tuesday. Im so sorry that you’re also in this horrendous limbo of waiting for your body to realise it’s over and letting go. This has been the worst week of my life but now i just want it to be over. DM me if you want to hand hold together during this horrible time x

This is my first ever pregnancy after a long TTC process. I do think the whole process has traumatised me and I don't think I'll enjoy pregnancy if I ever get so lucky again.

I do take some comfort in the fact that the majority of miscarriages are due to chromosomal abnormalities, so chances are they just weren't compatible with life 🤍 saying that I've felt nothing but immense love for someone I never got to meet.

I feel so lucky that I have a scan photo from when the heart was beating! 💐

@CJHR18 I’m so sorry it was your first pregnancy. I fully understand the feeling you won’t enjoy any next pregnancies, I said the same today that I think any going forward I will just be a bag of nerves and will struggle to enjoy it.

Yes I have read that as a big cause of miscarriages!

I know we have too, I emailed the scan clinic we had that scan at today as they did a movie and I didn’t purchase it and they have sent me it over for free so we have a video of the heartbeat which is comforting but also too hard to watch at the minute

@Armdjm I'm so sorry for your loss. I found out at a private scan in April at 8 weeks that the twins I was expecting has stopped growing at 6 weeks. I called my EPU and was offered a scan the next day which showed the same. Like you I had to go back for a rescan 14 days later, in case they were okay but just measuring behind because my dates were out. Unfortunately I never made it and started bleeding after 11 days. My bleeding became very heavy because I was not passing the 2 gestational sacs and my body was trying to expel them. I therefore had to go for emergency surgical evacuation under general anaesthetic and a blood transfusion. So unfortunately I can't answer your question about having elective surgical management because my situation became an emergency. However it's definitely worth asking your EPU if you would rather have surgical management, as they may be happy to offer you this instead of medical management. I also was worried about the possibility of infection if they had stopped developing and were just left in there. It seems that some people can go many months after having had a missed miscarriage and this doesn't seem to be a concern as far as I could see online. Once again I'm so sorry - it's such a cruel and devastating situation to be in. Literally like living through a nightmare. I really hope everything goes as well as it can under the circumstances for you. Sending best wishes ❤️

Yes the bleeding a few hours after the scan was very strange as I’d not had any at all in 12 weeks. Re the procedure it wasn’t too long to wait, I requested it on the Monday and I was in for the Thursday. It’s hard but advocate for yourself and don’t let them ‘forget’ you (which at my hospital they have had a tendency to do).

I would highly recommend seeing if your GP or someone at the hospital will provide you codeine (if you’re able to take this), as if you do end up in severe pain at home, this may settle you enough to make a plan. I’ve never taken codeine in my life up until this point but it was a godsend.

@CosmicLove im so sorry you have been through that! That sounds so traumatic to go through. They did warn me if bleeding became too heavy to go straight to A&E which has put such a fear in me. This is another reason I wish they hadn’t said 14 days because I just want it in a controlled environment because I’m terrified of things becoming an emergency.
Yes the infection thing has been on my mind a lot it seems such a long time 14 days when you know it’s still there. But yes it does seem people have gone a lot longer!
I also agree that it is like a living nightmare. I keep thinking I’ll wake up and it’s not real. This just seems such a cruel way to lose a baby, I still have all of my pregnancy symptoms as well which just feels an extra kick in the face!

When I was admitted I was left waiting for what felt like ages. Could have been 30 mins, but the pain was unbearable and they wanted to wait for it to subsided to examine me. I was yelling in pain so they finally gave me oral morphine (threw it up), injected morphine (didn't work) and finally gas and air which was the only thing that worked at that point. They examined me and said I was in active labour.
When they admitted me into the gyno ward they gave me more morphine and d&c vaginally. That was painful, not sure if it usually is or I was sore from contractions.

I'm sorry for so much detail. I just started counselling and came to the conclusion that it's PTSD. I have word vomit haha.
How are you feeling now?? Any cramping?

@May00 Yes I feel like I’m going to have to advocate for myself definitely. I felt like I had so many questions today before I was seen but felt like I couldn’t ask any of them I need to make sure next time (if I get back) that I do!

That is a good idea! I’ve been today to stock up on paracetamol but I have a feeling that won’t do a thing!

@92rainbows That must have been so scary! I think this is something that worries me as my local trust doesn’t have a gynaecology ward, only emergency but it’s a day time thing only and you aren’t admitted there so I’m so unsure what our A&E would do!
I have a bit of a heavy crampy feeling since my scan today but I think it’s from having 2 internal scans 2 days in a row because the one today was quite sore, but I don’t know if that’s because things are potentially going to start or not.
It’s really sad but I have a feeling this may have put me off trying for another baby again. I wouldn’t wish this on anyway!

If you do have to go in ask for gas and air, I promise it'll get you through until they can help further. Im sure they'll let you know who is available to help and how long it'll be. Surely you're not the first to experience this.
Make sure you walk and stay on your feet as long as possible before bed. Take paracetamol and ibuprofen through the night if it gets worse.

I know it's scary right now and it's the last thing you want to experience (again). I said the same thing while I was going through it, but we felt differently after a few months and the want is stronger than the fear. Unfortunately I went through my 4th miscarriage in April. I'm currently in the TWW and hoping my period doesn't arrive next week.

So sorry to hear you’re going through this. I suffered similar (blighted ovum) last summer, had some bleeding around 7 weeks so went for a scan to find there was an empty sac. I had to wait a min of 10 days for another scan in case my dates were wrong, I knew they weren’t but I think sometimes it’s just policies they have to stick to. I had no further bleeding and nothing had changed when I went for the second scan so was given 3 options, go away and see if I miscarried naturally, medical management or surgical management. I’d majorly panicked myself reading horror stories but by the time I got to the 2nd scan I was so done in I’d decided on the medical management and didn’t even care if it caused pain. The medical management caused lots of heavy bleeding and clots for around 2 hours then after that it was like a light period, no pain though just cramps. Sadly for me the medical management hadn’t got everything out so I ended up having surgery under general anaesthetic, but this was absolutely fine! The waiting is torture and having to pick between 3 really crappy options is awful, but all you can do is go with your gut as they should offer all 3 and let you decide. If you feel poorly or have any pain at any point just contact them and if you do get an infection it can be sorted with antibiotics. It feels like living in a nightmare at the time but you will get through it x

Reading these posts makes me realise how lucky I was from patient care perspective. I started bleeding brown monday. Rang epu straight away and as I worked in the same hospital they told me to come straight up.

I went up and got scanned... I was 11 weeks +2 and thought said the baby had stopped growing at 8.5 weeks.

I was given 3 choices... pass naturally, medical management or surgical management. I wad given leaflets and given an appointment for the following day... altho I was told i could reschedule if I needed more time to decide.

Nonparticular option was pushed... I was advised what all was involved and they supported my choice. I went with surgical.

As I had started bleeding they advised I be admitted that very night and be booked foe surgery first thing the next morning. I got a call a few hour later sayo g a bed had been freed for me and I was admitted about 9pm.

I was so glad to be in hospital as my BP lowered and I needed fluids. They also put me on iv paracetamol to help with thw pain. I was continually monitored all night. I missed my husband but I had great staff around me.

I ended up passing the baby naturally just as they arrived to take me to theatre but I still went for the op to ensure everything had passed. The op was very straightforward. It was a traumatic night but my body had started to pass the baby naturally and that was unavoidable. I am hone now and recovering

I would recommend surgical intervention 100%. The trauma is minimised and recovery is quicker I feel.

@Kazza2803 I’m so sorry you have suffered this also! Glad you had a good experience patient care wise. I also work in the same hospital where I have been today. They said mine was tricky as I’m measuring under 7 weeks they have to treat it as though it’s just ‘too early’ as they can’t accept the private scans which is their rationale for the 2 week wait. It just feels like prolonging the hurt for us as we know the baby has passed and isn’t just early but I get their point why they can’t accept non nhs scans.

I absolutely want to go for the surgical management if nothing happens in the next 2 weeks so I am hoping my trust offer this. We didn’t discuss any options today and I think I was so blindsided by the 2 week wait that I forgot to even ask what the options would be. It just for me sounds like the least traumatic/painful option and at least there is no worry of things being left behind. it is nice to hear a less traumatic version, as a nurse I automatically am thinking the worst will happen