Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC - Thread 7. ALL welcome!

[Sunbird24]

Apologies, I didn’t realise the last thread had filled up.

Some links to online resources that may be useful to anyone currently or recently going through this awful experience:

www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/
www.tommys.org/
miss-support.org.uk/support/
blr.lifecharity.org.uk/
petalscharity.org/
www.miscarriageformen.com/

You are not alone - please post whatever you need, or just read if you aren’t ready to talk. I’ve had 5 MCs, and am now sadly at the end of my IVF journey, but want to keep this thread going for everyone else who might find it helpful.

Previous thread: www.mumsnet.com/talk/miscarriage/4559567-support-thread-for-those-experiencing-or-recently-experienced-a-mcmmc-thread-6-all-welcome?page=1

I had a miscarriage about 2 weeks ago. I was 4 weeks 6 days. I knew it was coming because I was cramping all day and then at 9.30pm I suddenly stopped feeling tired and was no longer feeling sick. I then started bleeding overnight. The next day I was trying to convince myself that it's normal to have some spotting and that maybe it would stop. But it didn't.

Part of me was wondering if it happened because I had continued with my normal exercise and I didn't want to say that to anyone because I didn't think I could handle anyone saying that maybe it was something I had done.

But everything I've read says that if miscarriage happens so early it's likely to have been a problem with the embryo. It feels strange that that's a comfort to me.

I'm a social worker and on my worst day in the last few weeks I found myself getting really poised off that there were women having babies where they were drinking and using drugs in pregnant and it felt really unfair that I did nothing wrong and couldn't prevent the miscarriage and other women who had so little regard for their body could continue with their pregnancies.

@countrypunk so sorry to hear you are going through this…. I had the same - first week just a sac, second week a flicker of the heartbeat so they couldn’t do anything (and was on my own without DH which was awful) and I opted for the ERPC - surgical management. A friend did the medical management at home and found it quite painful so I decided on the surgery. Everyone was SO kind and the risk of complication is small.

@Mikkelsmum - I’m the same, continued with exercise (because I had no sickness) at a relatively high intensity. Still had a coffee a day. And then had a MC and felt INSANELY guilty. But most MC are caused by chromosomal abnormality so I am pretty sure it was nothing you did. But it’s tough x

Hi everyone @countrypunk I'm so sorry, this sounds similar to what happened to me. I really hope you get some answers soon.

I thought I'd miscarried then a scan last week showed an embryo measuring a few days behind with a heart rate of 95, I've just been back and had a miscarriage confirmed, it didn't grow any further and no heart rate. We had two failed transfers before this and thought our miracle was finally here. I'm so so sad and scared of having to go through the whole ivf process yet again, having had this happen.

I am stopping progesterone etc now and they said to expect it to pass within a couple of days. I'm scared of what to expect and how painful it will be. I also really don't want to see the sac. It's measuring 5+5, I don't know how big that is.

@Eggling i don’t know if it eases your worries, but a 5-6 week embryo is only about 2-3mm so it won’t necessarily be visible or recognisable.

Continuing your normal level of exercise definitely doesn’t do any harm, look at Paula Radcliffe still running marathons! It definitely feels unfair that there are women out there who seem to fall pregnant any time they get within a metre of an unwrapped penis or can carry a pregnancy safely to term despite some very questionable lifestyle choices, and yet we have to go through all of this crap. Feel free to be annoyed about that!

Thank you @Sunbird24 that actually does help, I was worried about seeing something.

God yes it's so unfair that for some people it comes so easily!

Thank you @Eggling and @Hopefulhoney6 💜

The thing I'm finding most stressful is that the nurses we saw refused to tell us the likelihood of miscarriage. It's given my partner false hope - he thinks we're just measuring a bit small and will catch up. But I know this is wrong and that I'm going to miscarry. I've been scouring the internet and the result in these cases is always miscarriage. It's not like we miscalculated our dates, we had frigging IVF!

@Eggling I'm so so sorry. There are no words really are there. The whole IVF process, and now this, is completely emotionally exhausting. Sending love.

@countrypunk I'm sure there are incredibly rare cases but sadly I think you are right to prepare for the worst, there is no doubt with ivf dates so a big difference is worrying. With DD she was measuring 4 or 5 days behind at 7 weeks but everything else was fine, we were told a week each way is normal but more than that does sound concerning. I'm so sorry ❤️

I have been to buy the maxi-est maxi pads I can find and just waiting for things to kick off now.

@Eggling Thank you, that's actually what I need to hear. I wish the nurses had been more honest with us. I just want this over with so I can get going again.

Can I ask, did you have PGT-A done on your embryos? I've read such conflicting opinions on it and we only had 2 embryos so it didn't seem worth it for this round, but if it could save me from going through this again I think I'd do it next time.

I hope you're as OK as can be ♥️

@countrypunk we didn't have PGT testing and are also talking about it for next time. I'm leaning towards not having it the more I read, because a) we are relatively young in ivf terms (31 and 32) so it's not generally advised, and b) I've read some things that cast doubts on accuracy, they only biopsy like 5 cells out of 100 or so, so you might get a good result and the rest of the cells be bad or a bad result and the embryo would have actually been viable. I'll see what the clinic say though when we do our review, my initial reaction before I read into it was that I definitely wanted to do it but obviously it also comes at an additional cost which needs to be factored in too. Nothings straightforward is it?

@Eggling Nope, nothing at all! I also read an article recently about how aneuploid embryos can sometimes self correct. It's such a tricky decision.

I'll be thinking of you this weekend. I expect I'll be buying the maxiest maxi pads I can find at some point too. Take care of yourself.

Hi everyone, glad to have found a supportive thread but sorry that any of us are on here. I had an early miscarriage and still processing how I feel about it.

@Sunbird24 @Eggling hope you're ok this weekend.

@Shayisgreat sorry to hear your news. Understand your feelings about women using drugs, you can't help thinking it's unfair.

@Mikkelsmum hope another test shows up more strongly to give you more confidence (or cautious confidence)

Thanks @countrypunk @Clingthefilm I'm still waiting for things to kick off, had some cramps earlier and thought it was getting started but it's stopped again. I'm bleeding but not all that heavily, just feel like I'm waiting.

So sorry for your loss @Clingthefilm it's so shit isn't it? Would it help you to tell us about it - I'm happy to listen if so.

I've still not passed the pregnancy so have asked my ivf clinic to do a referral to EPU, thinking I will try and ask for a D&C as I want to know it has all gone. I've developed a real fear that something is going to go wrong and I'll lose my womb so think it's best to just get it over with, I had strong cramps earlier and thought it was happening but they've gone off again now. Don't know what my body is playing at tbh!

@countrypunk when is your next scan?

@Sunbird24 “metre of an unwrapped penis” made me chuckle

Sorry to hear this @Eggling 
It's just shit on shit isn't it? I think I would do the same if I were you. I hope it's resolved for you as soon as possible. Sending love.

@Jetlaggedgirl Thursday morning. I must have read 50 stories like mine online and maybe one or two have had a positive outcome. What really pisses me off is the nurses saying they can't give me any indication of outcome when I know they can!

You must be having such a hard week @countrypunk, I really really hope you are one of the lucky ones and have a positive outcome.

I've just spoken to EPU, they are going to scan me Thursday morning to see what's going on then take it from there. Trying to work out what to say to my boss as I only started this job last week and wasn't planning on telling them about the pregnancy until much further on, but don't want them to try ink I'm taking the piss needing time off already 🙄

Also @countrypunk o think they say 50/50 when it technically could go either way, o was told 50/50 too and read a few things online - plenty with good outcomes, some that ended in miscarriage - where people were told the same thing. I guess they don't want to tell someone that it's probably fine if then it isn't and vice versa, that it's likely to end in mc if it hen goes on to be a viable pregnancy. I'm like you though, I'd rather be told straight.

@Eggling They didn't even say that! They just kept saying 'we don't know, we can't say'. I've looked at loads of research papers though and apparently one of the best indicators of miscarriage in early pregnancy is a yolk sac of over 5mm, which I definitely have. It pisses me off that I have to go and do my own research. The NHS should be up to date and honest with us. Argh.

I'll be with you in spirit on Thursday morning - have my scan then too.

That's a tricky one with your boss. Do you think you can trust them to be sympathetic? I think I would tell them. It doesn't matter how long you've worked there, you're going through something both physically and emotionally horrible. If it were me I'd make sure I was doing everything in my power to support you.

@countrypunk I've just mentioned a medical appointment and they've been fine with it, I'll have to explain about the ivf further down the line. I work from home so that does help a bit as it's less conspicuous at least!

I hope you're managing to get some rest and self- care in, I know how hard it is when you're on tenterhooks x

How are you doing @countrypunk? I hope you've had good news!

I am provisionally booked in for surgical management tomorrow afternoon, provided they have a bed for me. They can't see the foetus anymore but the sac is still there. It's near the cervix but I don't think it's going to pass without help. If they can't do the surgery tomorrow it will be late next week so I might opt for the tablets in that case.

@Eggling Thank you 💜 Just back from scan and in a state of shocked confusion! Embryo is still there, growing, with a heartbeat. This time last week it was measuring 2.5mm, today it's measuring 6.8mm. So I'm still behind my dates but it's growing. We don't know what to make of it really. Still trying to prepare for the worst but can't help but feel a tiny bit of hope. Got to go back in a week.

I really hope you can have the surgical management tomorrow and that you don't have to wait any longer. I find the waiting the worst thing about all of this. I'm sending you loads of love and I hope you've got plans to put your feet up this weekend.

Hope everyone else on the thread is doing OK too.

Sorry, I hope that didn't sound insensitive. Obviously getting bad news is the worst bit, but the waiting between appointments and for things to happen is very tough too.

Love to all.

@countrypunk that's amazing news! I really really hope it all works out for you. Definitely reason to be positive now!

Also hope everyone else is doing ok ❤️

@countrypunk everything crossed over here for you too, that’s much closer to where it should be! Absolutely cause for cautious hope.

@Eggling hopefully they get you in tomorrow and get you sorted, it’s horrible being in limbo

Thanks @Eggling 💕

@Sunbird24 Yes, very very cautious hope. Taking things a day at a time.