Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC - Thread 7. ALL welcome!

[Sunbird24]

Apologies, I didn’t realise the last thread had filled up.

Some links to online resources that may be useful to anyone currently or recently going through this awful experience:

www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/
www.tommys.org/
miss-support.org.uk/support/
blr.lifecharity.org.uk/
petalscharity.org/
www.miscarriageformen.com/

You are not alone - please post whatever you need, or just read if you aren’t ready to talk. I’ve had 5 MCs, and am now sadly at the end of my IVF journey, but want to keep this thread going for everyone else who might find it helpful.

Previous thread: www.mumsnet.com/talk/miscarriage/4559567-support-thread-for-those-experiencing-or-recently-experienced-a-mcmmc-thread-6-all-welcome?page=1

Hi everyone, I'm having a shit week. Thought I was ok after procedure last week Thursday; bleeding and cramping cam in increasing worse starting Sunday. Needed heating pad on my belly; hurts to sitdown or stand up. Called ob and was told all normal as symptoms after d&c may not present right away. For my toddler spent afternoon at indoor play on Tuesday, trying to put on a brave face. Wednesday felt dehydrated; yesterday earache and sinuses; today worse and throat feels like razors. Just did covid test and positive. DC runny nose but not sick like I am. FFS.

Hi everyone, I'm also new. Just looking for advice as to what to expect really. Currently technically 6+1 after ivf, this was our fourth ivf transfer, first resulted in DD then two failed to implant. I had some spotting last Tuesday (7th) but a scan showed all was as it should be, although obviously too early to see anything at that stage. The bleeding stopped so I relaxed a bit. Last Saturday I woke up and was bleeding quite heavily. I persuaded EPU to let me come in, my cervix was still closed and hcg still doubling. On Sunday i afternoon I had contractions and passed tissue and was convinced I miscarried. Bleeding eased off a few hours later. Spent a few days grieving, went for a blood test for hcg on Wednesday which showed hcg had gone from 6000 on Saturday to 7300. I thought this was conclusive but they said to do a scan so went back on Thursday hoping to be told everything had passed. Instead they found a pregnancy, with a heartbeat. Heartbeat is too slow and pregnancy is measuring small so they said 50/50 and to go back next Friday for a scan. Then yesterday, the following morning, I woke up bleeding again. It was heavy all morning and I was just bracing myself for the contractions but they didn't come, it eased off a bit later on and overnight but is starting to get heavy again. I just want this to be over, I thought it was over and now I'm scared of how painful it is going to be when I do finally pass the pregnancy tissue. I have to carry on with my estrogen and progesterone until next Friday when they do the scan. This baby was / is so so loved and wanted but if they have to go I just want it to happen so that we can start planning our next steps. Sorry for the essay, any advice very much appreciated!

Sorry to hear about your covid test @Mumtobabyhavoc I've had it twice it's not nice hopefully you start feeling better soon.

so sorry to hear this @Eggling I have no advice on the hcg and scans I was diagnosed at the one scan as my baby had no heartbeat however on Friday if it isn't good news and you haven't already passed the baby then they can give you options. I didn't want to wait to pass naturally and had an mva 2 days after my scan

@Eggling no need to be sorry for the "essay." You need to get it all out. It's part of trying to process your loss. I understand and I'm so sorry. 🌹
I just edited/deleted my initial response as I realized I'm just repeating myself from previous posts. I, too, am still trying to process this horror. It's bloody awful.

@krissy12 thank you. 🌹
I also did same. Felt it would be additional trauma to wait to do it naturally or with medication.

Mine has finally been confirmed as a miscarriage today. Been given the three options but medical recommended. I had surgery last time and it was just so easy and over with that I want it again but feel like they might try and persuade me with medical. I've only got a sac measuring 5ish weeks so I'm wondering if that would make it easier for medical (have read loads of horror stories)

@BEL88 I think the main worry with medical is that you just can’t predict how it’s going to go - most likely it would be like a heavy period, but it could be worse, or it might not do anything and then you have to try one of the other two anyway. For a lot of people it works with no dramas. If you want to go down the surgical route because you’re familiar with it though, and you understand those particular risks then it shouldn’t be an issue.

I had medicine twice with my miscarriage and it didn't work so ended up getting procedure anyway, if I was ever in the unlucky situation again I'd go straight surgical.

@BEL88 I'm really sorry you're going through this, every choice is so sh1t and unfair

Hello everyone, can I join? I found out yesterday at our 7 week scan that there's no heartbeat. I'm 39 and this was our first pregnancy from IVF. I think I'm in shock.

I have to go to the EPU tomorrow for another scan and discuss next options. I've read some of the stories on the Miscarriage Association website and they've really upset me. I now don't know what to do for the best, because it sounds like lots of women have bad experiences when they wait to miscarry naturally. Could some of you share what you chose - natural, medicated or surgical? It seems like there's no perfect option.

Sending love to all.

I've just read through some of your posts about the various options. They're really helpful. I suppose I'll have to wait and see what the EPU says tomorrow. I feel a bit in limbo at the moment and just want to know exactly what's going on in my body. I'm also still on progesterone which I imagine is delaying the natural process.

I feel like I've been hollowed out. My partner and I talked rationally about the chance that it might not be a viable pregnancy before yesterday's scan, but I think deep down we both really believe that it would be absolutely fine. I also can't get the image of my partner crying out of my head. I hate seeing him in pain like that.

@Eggling We're in similar positions I think. I haven't bled yet but I think the progesterone is holding it off.

Have you started to plan what you'll do next re IVF yet? Apparently I have to wait 3 months until I can cycle again. I'm finding the thought of that wait difficult, but I'm also finding the thought of another cycle difficult too. I'm just so scared that my eggs are no good and that it will never work for us. We were so excited for this baby. You can't help but start to plan.

Hi @countrypunk I'm so sorry your in this position. I'm still in limbo as need to wait for Friday to confirm what's going on, I don't think I've passed any tissue but still bleeding on and off, not majorly but enough to need a pad and then some heavier gushes although not for a few days now. Whenever it eases off I end of having a tiny bit of hope even though I don't want to, I'm trying to go into the scan thinking it is just to confirm the miscarriage as I know it will feel like losing the baby again. In terms of my next cycle o will go again as soon as they let me, I'm not sure if we need to look into some different tests as we have had one embryo not survive thaw, 2 fail to implant and now this. I am also dreading the thought of going again, I was so relieved to get my bfp as I thought i was done with the torturous post transfer two week waits but perhaps not. Why are your clinic saying wait three months? I've not read anything that suggests you can't go again as soon as your hormone levels are back to normal but o haven't discussed it with my clinic yet as they want to wait for the scan on Friday. Sending love xx

@Eggling It's just awful isn't it

It sounds like there's still a chance your pregnancy might be viable? I really really hope so.

It was hard to take everything in yesterday, but from what I remember I had a normal gestational sac but a minuscule embryo with an extremely faint flicker of a heartbeat. So I'm guessing it stopped developing very soon after implantation.

The nurse didn't explain why we'd need to wait 3 months. I will definitely find out more after the EPU tomorrow. I just want to speak to a bloody NHS doctor - not someone who's got a vested interest in us spending ££££ on treatments that might not work.

Sending you love back and good luck for Friday xx

hi @countrypunk I'm so sorry to hear this it's the worst.

I had an mva almost 2 weeks ago because I didn't want to wait until it happened naturally. It sounded like the best option from a bad bunch. it is basically the surgical option under a local rather than ga.
on the day you take 2 hormone tablets a few hours before the procedure they didn't really agree with me I had the shakes and diarrhoea but it settled within a couple of hours. the actual procedure itself was uncomfortable but not overall painful. you also get painkillers to take before it and after it if needed I didn't need any after. I had a soreish stomach the rest of that day and minimal bleeding for about a week after.
I was also told ideally to wait until next period to ttc again but could do 2 weeks after procedure if didn't want to wait that long

@krissy12 Thank you for sharing that. I'm a bit scared of that option, but then I've had lots of procedures around that area including a LLETZ, and I'm thinking it can't be worse than that? I don't massively like the idea of full on surgical with GA because of the risks involved, though I know they're small. I've got this fear that I'll wake up and they'll tell me they had to take my womb. So stupid I know but I read that was a risk and now I can't get it out of my head.

It's just an utter bastard whichever way you look at it.

for you

I went for it because for medical management they told me I would need to be admitted to a ward and might he in overnight if it wasn't successful and I would likely be in all day if I got GA.
with the mva I was in and out in 2 hours I got my medication the day before at the epu.
if I chose to wait naturally I would need to go to epu weekly for scans until it passed and I couldn't face that.
I found the procedure more embarrassing than anything but the staff were very good and made light hearted chat

With my planned surgeries I was checked in in the morning having been nil by mouth since 6am, had the procedure, woke up, got a (very welcome) cup of tea and a packed lunch while they kept an eye on me for a little while and was out by about 1.

I have some trauma response with anyone doing stuff at that end of me with instruments due firstly to the sedation wearing off during my egg collection, and then haemorrhaging with one MC because of the embryo getting stuck on my cervix and needing to be cleared with forceps - weirdly ok with an embryo transfer though! That was my main reason for wanting to be unconscious when it happened. I haemorrhaged on the next one as well because it started two days before the surgery was booked, so they had to give me a blood transfusion and do emergency surgery, but then the one after that they got me in very quickly, and that one took two surgeries a little way apart as the first one missed a bit and the medical option in between didn’t work. My fertility story (or lack of more to the point) is pretty extreme though, and no damage was done to my uterus in any of my surgeries. Chances are if there is any it will be very minor, and the lovely recurrent miscarriage consultant I saw said actually that bit of us is very good at repairing itself due to the amount of blood flow it gets. Think about how big a cut they have to make for a C-section, and it’s still entirely possible to carry a pregnancy to term after one or even more of those!

@Sunbird24 Thank you for sharing all of that. I'm so sorry to read about your experiences. The haemorrhaging must have been really frightening.

That is a very good point about the womb being good at repairing itself. Our reproductive systems are pretty hardcore.

You and @krissy12 have given me lots to think about and discuss at the EPU tomorrow. Thank you both.

@countrypunk for all that this is sadly a very common thing to happen to women, we will all experience it differently - I hope you feel heard and supported in asking your questions and making your decision, remember there is no wrong choice.

@Sunbird24 Thank you. Just having some words of support from women like you helps so much.

@countrypunk i’m sad to hear that . If it was a 7 week scan, how big is the baby measuring? Have you had any spotting

wait a week.

Everyone will be different but my experience of miscarriage was nothing like the stories on that website, so try not to let it put the fear in you. It petrified me too and the reality was not the same . Hope your partner is ok.

@Jetlaggedgirl Thank you. I don't think there was much of anything in the gestational sac. There was something very very small and the nurse said she could see the tiniest flicker of a heartbeat. Definitely not viable. So I think it must have stopped developing really soon after implantation, but I'll find out more tomorrow. No spotting yet but I'm taking progesterone because it was an IVF pregnancy.

I know, I looked at that website because the nurse gave me some handouts from it and it was horrific. I wish I hadn't read anything. It's really good to read that your experience was nothing like the stories on there.

My partner's OK. He's really sad but he's being an absolute rock for me. We're so lucky to have each other and this process has made me appreciate that so much.

Just got back from our scan at the EPU and we're still in limbo. There is a heartbeat and apparently it all looks exactly as it should if I was around 5 weeks, but I'm 7. I have to go back in another week. The staff at the hospital were so much nicer and took so much more care and effort with us than the staff at our IVF clinic.

I think I'm probably going to miscarry, although they really didn't want to say that. We just have to wait and see.

Thank you for all your support. Xx

Hi everyone,

I've just been reading this thread and I'm so sorry you have all gone through such a hard time.

I just opened a separate thread, but I thought you all seemed so lovely I would post here. My anxiety is killing me.

I had a miscarriage at 8 weeks in January. When I got the positive pregnancy test in December, it was fainter than my other pregnancies, but I sort of put it aside and got excited about the new baby, etc.

I just got another positive today (14dpo by OPKs). It is even fainter than the one last December.

Does anyone have any similar positive or negative stories? I'm so tired of being so worried!! I know every pregnancy is different, etc. But I just think this isn't going to end happily.

Thanks a mill!

@Mikkelsmum sorry to hear about your mc but cautious congratulations on your test.

could it be that you actually ovulated later than you thought? could you retest in a couple of days and see. although if it is still positive in a couple of days I would try not to stress too much about the thickness of the line