Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC - Thread 7. ALL welcome!

[Sunbird24]

Apologies, I didn’t realise the last thread had filled up.

Some links to online resources that may be useful to anyone currently or recently going through this awful experience:

www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/
www.tommys.org/
miss-support.org.uk/support/
blr.lifecharity.org.uk/
petalscharity.org/
www.miscarriageformen.com/

You are not alone - please post whatever you need, or just read if you aren’t ready to talk. I’ve had 5 MCs, and am now sadly at the end of my IVF journey, but want to keep this thread going for everyone else who might find it helpful.

Previous thread: www.mumsnet.com/talk/miscarriage/4559567-support-thread-for-those-experiencing-or-recently-experienced-a-mcmmc-thread-6-all-welcome?page=1

Thanks @Sunbird24 fingers crossed!

Just putting this here in case anyone is still following this thread and feels the same - I'm finding the news story about the couple who went on the run and their poor little baby so upsetting. It makes me so angry that (god? The universe? Whatever it is) let them have a baby and their poor baby didn't get the care it needed, when I (and I know so many others) would go to the ends of the earth to be able to hold and care for and protect our babies. It's so so shit.

I know I'm lucky really as I already have my beautiful DD, and I'm really trying to appreciate that, I put so much effort into trying to be a good mum to her and I sometimes get this worry that all this is some sort of punishment for me not being good enough. Then I see how people have kids and don't take care of them at all and just wonder how on earth that can be allowed to happen. It's so random and unfair.

Anyway, enough rambling from me! I hope everyone is doing ok

Hi all I had a mmc last Tuesday. I was 11 weeks but measuring 8 weeks 2 days so baby died then. I had to have a surgical MVA last friday .which was the most traumatic thing I have ever been through as I was awake and was in so much pain . I'm so sure I shouldn't have been in that much pain. Ive had minimal bleeding bit really painful cramps . I'm feeling so emotion and lost right now as I know I will never have the opportunity to have another baby . The pregnancy was extremely high risk to begin with as I have had a lung transplant and on anti rejection meds. I wad advised to have a termination from the offset which I completely refused to due to my Christian faith . I feel like ive been cheated

@Emmab85 i’m so sorry to read this 💐 It is completely unfair.

@Emmab85 oh gosh I'm so so sorry. I hope you are being well looked after. It is incredibly unfair.

Hi All, so glad I found this thread tonight, found out I was pregnant on 24/1 had some spotting about a week later and have been back and forth to the EPU since, unfortunately we got really bad news on Wednesday that baby’s heart had stopped (heartbeat was visible on scan last week) but was slower than it should be at 8 wks and was only measuring 6wks. Tomorrow I have surgery at 7.30am, I opted for this as I want this whole ordeal over as quickly as possible, this is our first pregnancy and we were naively so excited and had so many plans for this baby. The way I feel now I don’t ever want to try again I’m so scared it will happen again.

@Laura7899 I’m so sorry you’re going through this too 💐 Be kind to yourselves and each other, it may not feel like it now but with time you get through the grief and the want starts to outweigh the fear.

@countrypunk that sounds promising got everything crossed it all works out

@Emmab85 sorry for your loss. I had an mva nearly 3 weeks ago and I didn't have the pain you are describing maybe if it doesn't subside you could go get checked ?

@Laura7899 sorry to hear your news hope your surgery goes as good as it can I'm these circumstances

The pathology report says my baby only had one copy of the X chromosome. So, my baby was a girl as no Y chromosome was present. Missing X indicates Turner Syndrome. Have now read quite a lot about it and am glad my girl won't have to have a life of complicated medical problems. I know she passed because the condition was severe. I'm glad for her sake, and mine/my mental health, it happened fairly early. I am. I am grieving though. Deeply.
I felt relief when I found out why it happened. I don't have to carry guilt for something I did/didn't do. That should makes it easier to move forward, right? I'm trying. I just can't wrap my head around the fact that I was pregnant and now I'm not. I was pregnant and I saw my baby and I heard my baby's heartbeat on January 24. Now that's all gone.

I've read some of the recent posts here. I'm so very sorry more of you have had to experience the same loss. I wouldn't ever wish this pain on anyone. It's fucking horrible.

@Laura7899 im so sorry you're going through this, I hope your surgery has gone well and you're recovering as best you can.

@Mumtobabyhavoc it's such a lot to wrap your head around, it's so hard. It's ok to feel lots of different things though, all at once.

My surgery is cancelled as there's an emergency on the ward so no consultant available so I'm going to have to take the tablets and hope for the best. I'm so disappointed, I really wanted it over with today and all managed medically. Scared of the pain as well - I've laboured before and don't want to feel like that for there to be no baby. Plus we are meant to be away with family this weekend so now I don't think we can go, o wanted it all done and then I could try and take my mind off it. Just feel like every time things couldn't get worse they do!

@Eggling Thank you. Yes, sometimes I'm okay, then crying again.

I'm sorry your surgery was cancelled. Can't you be re-scheduled? You've probably already started the medication. I'm sorry all this is happening to you. It's just awful.

@Mumtobabyhavoc it would be late next week if I was to reschedule and would still be subject to bed space / emergencies again so I just want it over with. I've had the first tablet, taking the second lot tomorrow lunchtime. Hopefully it will be quick then, they seem to think that because I have had bleeding and the sac is near my cervix it should happen quickly so fingers crossed.

I know what you mean, I feel generally quite pragmatic and just wanting to move forwards and get in with starting ivf again then have tendon moments of crying out of nowhere. All the hormones probably don't help, on top of how difficult it is emotionally anyway.

@Eggling I'll be keeping you in my thoughts. You might want to stay close to home and create cozy safe space for yourself. ❤️

Thanks for the well wishes @Eggling @Sunbird24 home and recovering well. Don’t remember a thing but they said all was ok, so sorry your surgery was cancelled @Eggling I hope the tablets work well for you, mind yourself xx

And @krissy12 sorry I left you out! All went well and recovering at home now sushi en route ☺️

Thanks both, I am hunkering down for the weekend. Enjoy your sushi @Laura7899! I've sent DH out for fish and chips, may as well have them tonight as guessing I might not be up for it tomorrow!

@Laura7899 I'm so sorry this has happened to you. You were right to be happy and excited.

Sorry, my phone screen has several cracks and posts before I finish...@Laura7899
I just wanted to send you strength and let you know you're not alone. Again, I'm sorry. 💐

@Mumtobabyhavoc thank you so much, feeling ok today 💕

@Laura7899 I'm glad to hear it. The next few weeks will likely be up and down emotionally. Just be prepared and don't over schedule yourself. My surgery was Feb 9 and I'm just starting to feel lighter emotionally.
FYI to everyone, I knew I might struggle emotionally since I have a history of depression, anxiety and panic attacks, so I requested to my obgyn for 2 weeks sleeping pills and anti-panic attack meds. I only took half a sleeping pill for three nights and one pill for panic to calm my nerves for three or four days. Just an FYI to not be afraid to discuss same with your doctor to be prepared. It helped me get over the hump of the first few days. Didn't need to take anything after that., but I'm glad I thought to ask.

Hi everyone. I have just been told at a private scan that there was no heartbeat. I should have been just over 8 weeks but it seems to have stopped growing at soon after 6 weeks. I'm just waiting for the EPU to confirm and then we can discuss the management. The doctor at the scan said he didn't think they would advise surgery as apparently the embryo was eccentric and very close to the left uterine horn? I'm not really sure what this means but I'll discuss with the EPU. I would have preferred surgery ideally but if it needs to be medical then I'll go for that. I'm 41 so while I'm not surprised I'm sad that this may have been my last chance. We'll see what the EPU appt says anyway.

Hi @Mumtobabyhavoc I'm glad you're starting to feel a bit more even, it's really good to know you've had support from your doctor. I also have had iffy mental health periods on the past so it's good to know support may be there if needed.

Hi @StarBug12 I'm so sorry that you're in this position too. Your circumstances sound similar to mine in terms of the gestation and when it stopped growing. I hope EPU are helpful in planning your next steps, and feel free to talk about anything and everything here with us!

I had the misprostol (sp?) over the weekend, I'm not sure if it has worked 🙄 the first lot of tablets on Saturday I had some cramping and bleeding but nothing major, and every dr I've spoken to us told me very clearly that I will know when I pass the sac. They rang yesterday to check up and when I explained they said to go back in and collect two more tablets, which I did and the same thing has happened but even less blood. I think they'll ring again today or tomorrow, I'm not sure where we go from here but I don't want to leave it three weeks and test and then it not be all gone so I'm going to push for a scan if that is what they say to do. I just want to move forwards and get started with setting up my next ivf cycle now.

As an aside, I had to wait on the ward for a bit yesterday for my tablets and the other woman in the ward was having a termination, completely within her rights to do so of course but it was hard to sit there and listen to her talk about how she couldn't wait to get rid of her pregnancy when my baby was so longed for and was taken from me.

@StarBug12 so sorry you’ve ended up here too I hope the EPU can explain and that you’re well supported at home.

@Eggling that sounds horrible. I had a similar experience many years ago.

After trying 3,5 years, a first positive pregnant test end of last month - unfortunately bleeding started today (5+5), just in A&E - cannot see a heart beat and due bleeding heavily, they told us a miscarriage.

I don’t know how to tell our parents, we only told them yesterday. Our
first natural pregnancy, so worried we will go back to bottom in the infertility treatment waiting list (been over 1,5 years in NHS line, we were waiting application to be put together for panel but called them last week to tell we are pregnant - so probably they have already removed us). 😢😢

I'm so sorry @Shyquiet, how are you doing today? It's an awful thing to go through.

Thanks @Sunbird24 sorry you had similar.

I'm going to ring epu this afternoon if they haven't called by then to see what they advise as next steps.