Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC - Thread 7. ALL welcome!

[Sunbird24]

Apologies, I didn’t realise the last thread had filled up.

Some links to online resources that may be useful to anyone currently or recently going through this awful experience:

www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/
www.tommys.org/
miss-support.org.uk/support/
blr.lifecharity.org.uk/
petalscharity.org/
www.miscarriageformen.com/

You are not alone - please post whatever you need, or just read if you aren’t ready to talk. I’ve had 5 MCs, and am now sadly at the end of my IVF journey, but want to keep this thread going for everyone else who might find it helpful.

Previous thread: www.mumsnet.com/talk/miscarriage/4559567-support-thread-for-those-experiencing-or-recently-experienced-a-mcmmc-thread-6-all-welcome?page=1

When you go back for your scan get a prescription for much stronger painkillers in case you need them. They should offer you options.

I'm sorry you're going through this.

@krissy12 i had an MVA 3 weeks ago. The staff were great.

I practised deep breathing during the actual procedure. I was allowed to take in my phone (no earphones) so i downloaded a relaxing playlist in advance and played it on speaker. I also put some lavender balm under my nose.

Make sure you have pads at home as you may continue to bleed.

Is there anything in particular you're wondering about?

@Whataretheodds thank you for this and sharing your experience.
I am just out I didn't have a great reaction to the hormone tablets so felt quite rough this morning. I found the actual procedure uncomfortable but not as bad as I expected.

@krissy12 glad to hear it went ok

I'm so sorry to read everyone's experiences, it's just heartbreaking.

I passed the pregnancy tissue and baby yesterday at home. I wrapped it in tissue, put it in a box and we buried it in an empty planter with a plant that was ready to be planted out. I didn't know what else to do and it didn't feel right doing anything else.
I've had no support or advice from local hospital.
I presume I go back for a scan to make sure there is nothing left that might cause a problem?

@treehousethunderstorm you can call the EPU if it’s self-referring, or go through your GP if not, and see about a scan to check it’s complete. Otherwise you can do HPTs starting in a week or two to check that your HCG is decreasing as it should, and go through the EPU if AF doesn’t come back as expected or the HPTs don’t go negative by about 3 -4 weeks. With intervention, they usually give you a test to take home and tell you to do it in 3 weeks then call them if it’s still positive.

@treehousethunderstorm our epu give you weekly scans until everything has passed that's annoying yours don't

also so sorry for your loss

Just be gentle with yourself. Take pain relief when you need it. Youll be feeling physically and mentally bruised. Remember the hormones will be all over the place for a bit so cut yourself some slack.

I received a call from pathology telling me that, unfortunately, there was no embryo/foetal remains in the sample given. So, there is nothing for me to cremate/bury unless I want the "materials of pregnancy" returned to me which also comprises my baby's dna. I declined. I'm guessing between my last scan on Tuesday morning and surgery Thursday morning I likely passed the remains. I feel like I would have noticed a 2.5cm clot but I do recall a couple of small bits of bloody material and, stupidly, I now see that was likely it coming out in smaller pieces. Strangely, I am less traumatized by that. I think because the worst has already happened. Maybe because I am so numb I just can't register any more pain. Today I realized I no longer felt pregnant. My body's "functions" are back to normal. Now, I am just waiting for pathology to complete testing and provide a report. They do a first set of tests for common chromosomal defects and if that doesn't give answers they do more extensive testing. Gender determination will be part of routine testing. So, if they find the likely cause in the first tests I will have a report in about 3 weeks. Otherwise, it is 6-8 weeks for a report if more extensive tests are done. I tried to just do normal things today and attended a dental appt. I'm trying to focus on what I'm grateful for. But, don't get me wrong... there's no happy ending here. It's not like all those essays you read about personal trauma with a stupidly trite bright side ending. I fucking hate those. Besides here, I am shocked how many of us have had this awful thing happen to us. At surgery yesterday one of my nurses and my anaesthetist confided they had gone through this; and today the pathologist confided he and his partner also suffered this.

Holy fuck; it's seems epidemic.

@Sunbird24 are you ok? I'm concerned this all may be triggering for you.

@krissy12 how are you coping since your procedure?

@Mumtobabyhavoc dont worry, I’m about a year out from my most recent MC now as I had two separate embryo transfers after that which failed to implant. Time really does make a difference - and by that point I think I was more prepared for another loss than I was for a successful pregnancy!

You really don’t realise how common this is until you’ve been through it yourself, it’s a bit like a Fight Club that way.

it’s a bit like a Fight Club that way.

The number one rule, or the descent into madness? Likely both.

I really hope your doing OK @Sunbird24 thinking of you

@Mumtobabyhavoc I'm doing OK thanks feeling a bit shocked at how quickly its all over I've no pain today and minimal bleeding so finding it all a bit hard to process as physically feel back to normal

@krissy12 remember it’ll take a while for your hormones to reset, so you may feel a bit off-balance for another week or two in that regard

I'm still trying to process it all. Looked at my naked belly that was and is nearly flat again. This past week seems so long ago. I've been feeling a lot of anger with the sadness. Not sure if I mentioned, but felt worried for my mental health as I suffer anxiety/ depression/ panic attacks, so day before procedure obgyn kindly rx'd two scripts for me (one for sleep, the other for anxiety). I just requested two weeks of meds to get over the hump. I lost my shit on two randoms day before surgery, so I knew I was headed for trouble.
Haring myself for feeling so sure my pregnancy was in the clear. Feeling so very stupid about that. Also cannot wrap my head around having been pregnant and now I'm not. Regretting not having asked for a last minute ultrasound before surgery just to confirm everything. Going to make some calls about counselling on Monday. I am quite angry as well as sad. I said that already, though, didn't I?

@Mumtobabyhavoc anger is a normal part of grieving, it’s ok. You’d be feeling this way even without your anxiety

This may help you understand and be prepared for some of the maelstrom of emotions you’re going to feel as your body recovers and your mind tries to search for a reason that may not actually exist: www.cruse.org.uk/understanding-grief/effects-of-grief/five-stages-of-grief/

I can absolutely guarantee you that another scan would have made no difference (you probably know that logically anyway) and there was nothing at all stupid about believing your pregnancy was going to end up with a baby in your arms, why wouldn’t you? We all did! It’s shit, and it feels like hell, but keep breathing, you’ll be ok.

@Mumtobabyhavoc don't think you were 'stupid' re the remains. I had an MVA, 2 doctors were very careful about the sample they sent for testing for me and yet no foetal DNA found. They said my body had probably reabsorbed in the time from scan to MVA.

Thank you. I woke up crying today. Crying now. I'm just wondering if I'll ever feel better.
I'm sorry that happened to you, too. It's difficult to know if everything was collected or not. I'll ask my surgeon what her procedure was re collection just to know, but it doesn't change anything. In the end all that matters is my baby died.

@Sunbird24 thank you for the link and kind words again. 🌹

Hey all, I unfortunately was on the last thread but back again :( 5 miscarriages now (3 chemical, 1 mmc and my current one...). I have got 1 living child (4yo)

Wondering if anyone can help me understand...will start from the beginning!

I know when I ovulate so when I had my first reassurance scan at 6+4 and was measuring 5+5 (only gestational sac seen) I knew something wasn't right so think I started grieving then. I also had no preg symptoms. Week after the scan I had a tiny amount of spotting (pink then brown) for about an hour. They've scanned me again (11 days after first scan) and gestational sac seen but it had grown (8mm to 12mm) - again empty. They've called it a pregnancy of unknown location (PUL). Blood test put hcg at 14000. Having another one Wednesday to see if hcg has increased or decreased.

If they've seen the sac...how can they call it PUL???

@BEL88 I'm so sorry this has happened to you again. I haven't heard of that. Are you able to speak with your doctor for more info? How are you coping right now?

@BEL88 sorry to hear this. I've never heard of this either if they have seen the sac

Apparently it can be a pseudo sac...

I'm none the wiser really. Blood tests shows hcg is dropping but not by much so got another scan and blood test next week

I'm still doing ok. Had a little cry at the hospital this morning

@BEL88 sorry to hear your no further forward do they think your pregnancy may be viable or do they still think it's in an unknown location?