Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC - Thread 6. ALL welcome!

[Sunbird24]

If you’re going through this, you’re not alone. I’ll post some links to support organisations shortly, but feel free to post, or just read, whatever you need.

@Brokenpancreas94 I use the Fertility Friend app, I find it the most straightforward but that’s because I also track BBT to confirm ovulation date.
with the ovulation sticks I have only ever used clearblue (with advanced which have both high and peak ovulation indicators, or the normal which just show the peak), so you test from about day 8 of your cycle.
the clear jelly fluid is a good sign - the sperm can live in that, so if you’re DTD when you have that (usually before and including day of ovulation) then you are aiming at the right window!! X

Bad news (but expected) on the scan tonight - no heartbeat/MMC. Consultant is keen for me to try naturally in the first instance which I’m nervous about but coming around to. What a crappy club we’re all in hey.

So sorry @UnluckyCat23 that it was bad news. I hope the process goes ok as it can. I know it is different for everyone but my two miscarriages happened at home and the physical part was ok. Emotional side harder. Wishing you all the best x

@tulipsunday Thank you

Sorry to hear that @UnluckyCat23 …. Hopefully now you can start to move on. I found the waiting after seeing heartbeat flickers very hard. I went for surgical management and then was very emotional for a few days afterwards but am moving on now.

First month TTC again, had five days of “high” on CB ovulation tests (been DTD every other day) and got my “peak” today, so will DTD this eve and maybe tomorrow…. then keep everything crossed.

I don’t tolerate anaesthetic/sedatives well so am going to try to avoid surgical management if possible. I’ve been told to give it a week and if nothing has happened to get back in touch and get referred for medical management (or if I have any concerns in the meantime/can’t cope with the waiting then to get back in touch ASAP). DH is an O&G reg so I feel like I’m in good hands between him and my consultant (who he used to work for). Hoping everything works quickly and we can escape for a few days by the seaside.

Good luck with TTC @Hopefulhoney6, will keep fingers crossed for you!

Hi everyone, was on this site in the summer after my miscarriage and found it a great comfort and unfortunately here I am again. Went for first scan yest at 7.3 weeks and they could see no fetal pole and I was measuring 5.5 weeks. I am pretty sure of my dates so I know this is a miscarriage but I have to go back in next week for another scan to confirm. I hate having to wait when I know what the outcome will be. Just want to get it over with now. I’m 43 so time is not on my side. Only positive is that I got pregnant twice in the last six months which is good for my age. Eggs obviously bad wailing though. Also not sure if my partner wants to go again. I think he’s had enough heartbreak now but we will have a discussion on that another day. Anyhow sorry to read of everyone’s losses and good luck to those trying again x

@UnluckyCat23 how are you doing? Glad you are in good hands and I hope you get to the seaside.

@Tray66 so sorry. This sounds similar to my recent miscarriage. Scan at 7 weeks but pregnancy at 5 1/2 weeks stage. The waiting is so hard. I hope you have a better outcome but if not we are here for support.

@tulipsunday I’m ok, thank you for checking in. Have had a tiny bit of spotting so hoping that might be the start of it. I’m just exhausted but went for a nice long walk today in the fresh air and stocked up on books for my inevitable sofa time.

@Tray66, so sorry that you’re going through this, the waiting is really difficult (especially when it looks like bad news). Thinking of you.

Hi ladies. I took a few days off my phone following my miscarriage last week. My HCG was 28 when I should have been 5 weeks. My HCG was then 5 two days later. I think I have passed everything now as bleeding has almost stopped. I’m just so drained mentally and physically as this is now miscarriage number 4. I am a carrier of the MTHFR gene and my fertility consultant thinks that with the combination of my low B12 May of played a part in this miscarriage as it’s so early. I’ll have to look into this gene a bit more. I’m having a break from trying now, as I just can’t keep going through it. But then at the back of my mind the battle of just wanting a baby so wanting to go again. But I know being realistic I’m not in a good enough mental space for the moment. Thank you for all those who have been supporting me on here since September xx

Hi everyone. I had a MMC confirmed last week and opted for medical management on Monday. It was a lot more painful than I was expecting (naive of me!) and I am still bleeding quite heavily and just feeling drained. I can work from home and did a few hours yesterday and today but think maybe I overdid it and should have just taken days off. I know it’s stupid but I feel a bit guilty about being off work/am using work as a distraction but was just wondering how long people took off work to recover and when they started to feel a bit more normal physically.

@Buttons86 so sorry to hear that. My consultant has said at least two weeks but he’d encourage 3-4 (basically add a week or two on top of the time you’ve had for the physical side for the mental health side). I didn’t take any time off when I had a failed ivf cycle earlier this year and I think that contributed to a depressive episode I had later in the summer (so ended up (ironically) being off for even longer!). I just ignored my grief, overloaded myself at work so I wouldn’t have to face it and made myself quite poorly as a result.

I completely get feeling guilty and using work as a distraction, I’m exactly the same. Are they understanding? I tried to reframe it as would I as an employer want somebody in knowing what they were going through and, as an employee, am I really doing my best work at the moment. I feel guilty that I’ve not done much today (despite the fact I’m actively having a miscarriage!) so I really do understand. My plan is that once I’m feeling a bit better I’ll organise the bookcases (with plenty of time to rest and a nice podcast), having something ‘productive’ but manageable on the horizon is making me feel better.

I don’t think there is a right or a wrong way to do it though. It’s whatever works best for you.

Hi @UnluckyCat23 hope you are looking after yourself and sorry you are going through this too. Thanks for your support and advice. My work are understanding it’s just my own brain! You are so right on thinking what advice would I give someone else and then following it myself.

We were having fertility treatment too and this was my first positive in what feels like a long time of trying so think that has added to mentally how I am feeling.

I hope the next few days are as ok as they can be for you x

@Buttons86 I’m glad work are understanding. I think you’ve articulated it really well - if a friend came to you and told you this had happened to them what would you say. In fact when I had my return to work after the depression I mentioned the previous ivf and they were horrified that I’d carried on as normal (I’m pretty certain if I even tried to go in next week I’d be kindly escorted from the premises!). Just be as kind to yourself as you’d be to others (although sometimes that’s easier said than done!).

Thanks so much. I’m pretty certain of the outcome but think it will
not properly hit me until I have confirmation on Wednesday. Really sorry to hear of
your loss. How long ago was it and how are you doing now?

Thank you so much. I am sorry about your loss too. Yes the waiting is messing with my head as I’m pretty much certain there will be no change aS I know my dates. Came to work today but hiding from people. Have emailed consultant to try get a cert because I think trying
to behave normally will be destructive for my mental health in the long run
Have you had miscarriage yet or how will it be managed. I want d and c again as just know I would not cope with heavy bleeding after experiencing a traumatic haemorrhage before….

@UnluckyCat23 Thank you so much. I am sorry about your loss too. Yes the waiting is messing with my head as I’m pretty much certain there will be no change aS I know my dates. Came to work today but hiding from people. Have emailed consultant to try get a cert because I think trying
to behave normally will be destructive for my mental health in the long run
Have you had miscarriage yet or how will it be managed. I want d and c again as just know I would not cope with heavy bleeding after experiencing a traumatic haemorrhage before….

@tulipsunday Thanks so much. I’m pretty certain of the outcome but think it will
not properly hit me until I have confirmation on Wednesday. Really sorry to hear of
your loss. How long ago was it and how are you doing now?

@Sophiey11 look after yourself whilst you take a break.

@Buttons86 I had surgical management on the Wednesday and work said take what I needed, but I went back the following Tuesday. I wasn’t bleeding or anything so I actually felt quite guilty and did a few calls / emails 😬 It’s hard but you need to have time to physically and mentally recover. The Friday after the surgery I was very teary so I felt like I needed the time off mentally

@Tray66 I think it’s started - had some light bleeding and a bit of cramping, will just have to see how it develops I guess. Hopefully I can avoid any more hospital trips. Currently trying to distract myself with a jigsaw, it’s not going especially well! Hope you’re managing to look after yourself whilst you wait x

@UnluckyCat23 oh hope it goes as smoothly as possible for you. Sending you hugs❤️

Hope you are ok @UnluckyCat23 and that the physical part is over soon. @Tray66 I have had miscarriages at the beginning of September and December. Am aware I am fortunate as I have a two year old but I have found the two miscarriages since quite difficult. I have been the same about worrying about work etc. but do take the time you need everyone it is a tough ride both physically and emotionally xx

It seems to have stopped again - very frustrating! DH has had to work this weekend so took myself to the pub with a book, now feeling tipsy and incredibly down. Just so fed up of limbo land.

@tulipsunday yes I have other children from a previous marriage but was hoping I could have one with my new partner. I am very thankful for them and it does make it a little easier but the losses are still so upsetting. Got a cert from consultant for next week so if I’m not up to going inon mo day and Tuesday before scan on Wednesday I’m just not. But will
jaut take it day at a time. Yest ironically felt really pukey and part of me started thinking g oh what if. Even though I know my dates are right so no chance but it’s a real head wreck just waiting for confirmation!