Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC - Thread 6. ALL welcome!

[Sunbird24]

If you’re going through this, you’re not alone. I’ll post some links to support organisations shortly, but feel free to post, or just read, whatever you need.

@Brokenpancreas94 it’s so difficult isn’t it, and after mmc seems even more difficult to remain positive! I haven’t had a scan yet, I’ve got one booked for jan but I don’t know how I’ll make myself go in. It sounds silly but I’m just so scared I feel like I’m avoiding it xxx

@Brokenpancreas94 Totally normal to feel that way - doesn't make you a bad person. Have you read 'The Worst Girl Gang Ever' book by Bex Gunn? I have been reading it and would recommend- it is a guide to recovery after miscarriage and covers topics such as this. There is an Instagram page too.

@Sophiey11 will keep everything crossed for you that you get your positive pregnancy test too.

@ChloeN really hope your scan goes well I am sure it will.

I have had my second miscarriage finally confirmed and now just waiting for first period so can start the TTC process again.. 😬

Hi ladies haven't checked in in a while, I hope your all okay. @Brokenpancreas94 big hugs 😘😘😘 @tulipsunday sorry about your mc xx

Wow just to add salt to the wound ladies, my best friend has just come over and told me she’s pregnant. I am thrilled for her as they’ve been ttc for 5 years, but I also feel like I’ve been punched in the chest :(

Aw @Sophiey11 that is very difficult. My close friend had her 12 week scan the day my recent miscarriage was confirmed at the same hospital! Felt so happy for her that all was well but sad for me so can definitely relate.

@candycrush789 hey! How you getting on?

@tulipsunday I'm okay thank you! The build up to Christmas is stressing me out 🤦🏻‍♀️ it always does because I'm such a perfectionist 😂 I hope your doing alright as can be. ❤thinking of you xx

@Sophiey11 oh you must feel awful, obviously so happy for her but sad for yourself. I really hate pregnancy announcements I don’t think I can bare telling anyone to their face anymore just in case they feel how I did xx

@candycrush789 I know what you mean the build up is quite full on. Hope your pregnancy is going well.

@ChloeN that's a good point. I certainly appreciate now how triggering scan photos etc. can be and would be mindful of announcing any future pregnancies. Hope you can relax a bit over Xmas keep us updated on how things go. Sure all will be well ❤️

@tulipsunday thank you I didn't mention it I didn't want to trigger anybody. I'm 10+3, I've had a couple of bleeding episodes due to a subchorionic hematoma, but so far so good. Dating scan on 12th Jan ❤️ I hope your doing well lovely xx

@candycrush789 that's a pain about the bleeding.. as if pregnancy after miscarriage isn't stressful enough but fab it is not long to go till hopefully some reassurance. It is reassuring to hear about pregnancies after miscarriage going well.

@tulipsunday I'm not over my loss I had. I think I still have ptsd from it and if I'm honest I'm absolutely terrified. I'm scared of scans and everything, it's taken away the innocence of pregnancy x

I can completely understand that. A new pregnancy doesn't mean you magically forget what you have gone through . Especially now I have had two miscarriages although I will be happy if I get a positive pregnancy test there will also be a sense of dread at possibly having to go through this again. Think that is why forums such as these are helpful as it isn't something people necessarily understand if they haven't been through it.

My doctor is next available on the 10th Jan to talk to me about next steps so I have a call booked in then! Hoping they will agree to some blood tests so I can check no issues there.

Hope everyone got through Xmas ok 🎄❤️ xx

Hoping I join here - currently going through my 2nd MC. First one in sept - early miscarriage, fell again 2 cycle after MC and had an early scan at the EPU yesterday which discovered MMC. I should be 9 weeks but measuring just over 6 and no heartbeat after seeing heartbeat at 6 wks. I honestly can not believe this has happened again with two in a row. I’m feeling so sad and low. I don’t have any living children and 37 in May so really concerned about my age. Just hoping for some positive stories / someone is say it’s going to be alright. I need to book in for surgery as I don’t think I can manage it at home I’m too sad. Does anyone have any experience of the surgery? I’m so sorry we are all here xx

@LAURAPAX so so sorry for your second loss. That is really tough.

I recently had a MMC - had an ERPC three weeks ago and I’ve just got my negative pregnancy test. I would recommend the surgery - they were so lovely to me, I got to the hospital at 7am and left at 12pm. General anaesthetic was fine and then I had spotting (but no heavy bleeding) for 10 days after. I track BBT and I think I ovulated at my usual time taking the surgery as the first day of my period.

Whilst two miscarriages isn’t that common - most miscarriages are caused my chromosomal abnormalities and it’s complete luck whether or not you ovulate an abnormal egg and the sperm meets it this month. As we get older (I’m 35) we do release more poor eggs so there is a higher chance, but still a great chance your next one will stick. A friend had two MMCs and then the next one was sticky and she now has a gorgeous baby.

My friend told me to read “the Impatient Woman’s guide to getting pregnant” and it has really helped me with feeling more hopeful ❤️ so when you feel ready, have a read.

Tommys also have useful miscarriage emails you can sign up to and LOADS of information on their website.

You could get tested for things like NK Killer Cells (mixed views on whether this is a “thing”) but the likelihood is you have just had bad luck. Sending you all my thoughts!

Oh and @LAURAPAX the book made me feel much more relaxed about my age too!

@Hopefulhoney6 thank you for your kind response. I am glad to hear your surgery went well and you are recovering ❤️‍🩹 you have put my mind at ease about the procedure. Do you think you will try again on your next cycle? I genuinely can not believe I am going through this again and obviously now really concerned that my eggs are really bad. There is no obvious reason for this e.g not overweight, eat well etc but 2 miscarriages on the bounce at nearly 37 is not a good situation to be in when desperately wanting to have a baby. I hope I feel better soon but i’m struggling at the moment 😢 thanks for the book recommendation I will take a look once I feel a bit more myself xxxx

@LAURAPAX hope you are ok today? Two losses in a row is very tough. My second miscarriage was a few weeks back. Looking to try again this cycle.

As others say most likely is bad luck. Are you taking any supplements at the moment?I have started taking these proceive.com seem like they have a lot of the vitamins recommended. All the best x

@LAURAPAX I know a few people who have had the surgery and everyone has recovered well so I would say it’s more the emotional side of being kind to yourself that you need to think about.

We are going to try again once I’ve had my first proper period. I track BBT and think I have ovulated so should be in a few weeks. Both excited and nervous to try again!! But I think it takes everyone a different amount of time and I would just focus on getting through the surgery :) and try not to worry about age too much. I don’t know where you live, but I’m in London and there are lots of late 30s and early forties first time mummas about x

@Hopefulhoney6 that's a really good sign that you are likely ovulating and cycle getting back on track. All the best for trying again.

@LAURAPAX I am so sorry to hear about your situation and losses. As someone who’s had 4 miscarriages in a row in the space of one year, with no other children and at the age of 42, I want you to know that I understand the feeling and what you are going through.
On top of the pain and heartbreak of the miscarriages, which alone is absolutely bad enough, there is the worry of potentially having to accept a childless life, that your eggs are bad and all those other elements, each of alone would be bad enough to bear.
The good thing I would say is that 36 is still a very good age for egg quality and you probably still have lots of normal ones. It was more likely really bad luck in your case than your egg quality being worst than average. if the NHS in your area would do those investigations after two losses or if you can afford to look into private options, I would get assessed for trombophiliac disorders and also ask for progesterone support during your next pregnancy. Whilst more than half miscarriages happen due to chromosomal abnormalities with the embryo, which is often down to egg quality (which in turn cannot be tested sadly), the rest is down to other factors which are easier to fix and manage so I would get checked for those. If you can, although you’ll have to do this privately as the NHS doesn’t, I would also have your partner’s checked for sperm DNA fragmentation, which can also cause abnormalities just as much as the eggs can.
My first two losses happened naturally, but the other two were MMC, discovered at the 12 and 8 weeks scan respectively, in both cases after seeing a heartbeat at 6-7 weeks (so absolutely heart-shattering) and I opted for surgery each time. MVA the first time whilst awake and D&C under general anaesthetic the second. I personally had a very good experience with the surgery both times and felt like the quickest option to move forward and ensure my body and cycle would go back to normal as soon as possible afterwards. The advantage of surgery is also that they should be able to send the tissues for genetic testing (although my local NHS would only do that after 3 losses) so you would be able to know for sure whether it was a chromosome abnormality or not, which may also help you deciding on the next course of action.
Here to talk and answer any questions you have, I have been through the mill so I can understand
X

@clhiu god I am so so sorry to hear your journey so far that is really tough and you have my heartfelt sympathies ❤️ thank you so much for taking the time to tell me (& others who read this) your story - I think it really does help to know that we are not all alone in this and that there are other woman out there who can relate to how we feel.

You completely put into words all my feelings & fears. I am really struggling emotionally. I just had no comprehension of how hard and challenging this journey is and how a positive pregnancy test does not always mean you have a baby by the end of it and it breaks my heart.

My biggest regret is I wish I had started trying sooner and it is one that will haunt me forever. I think that is what I am finding particularly challenging especially as there was no particular reason to me to not have (been with partner 8 years etc) he is younger (31) so didn’t particularly feel ready much before this year but I just assumed at 36 and living in London it wasn’t that weird to start actively trying for a family. How wrong I was.

I’m at the EPU at the moment booking in for SMM as I haven’t started bleeding naturally and sadly the baby has not been growing for 3 weeks. I am armed with asking the doctor for additional testing. I had the fertility MOT both male and female after 1st MC and all came back relatively positive except a flag that my AMH was on the lower side of average. Still in average range but not as good as it could be. I was bummed but as we fell again 2 cycle wasn’t too concerned and thought there is no way I would have another MC on the bounce. I have messaged Kings based in London to follow up and will request the tests privately as well. I personally now believe the issue is my age and egg quality which again I am really struggling with as it feels such a self inflicted pain in the sense of leaving it so late to start. This is obviously something I am going to have to come to terms with but at the moment I’m finding it so raw and painful.

I am considering jumping into IVF / scientific support as I just want to know I’ve done everything I could as quickly as I could as soon we were became aware of the situation. I have no knowledge and experience in this field so any suggestions from anyone reading my story I would be very glad to hear. Again I am so sorry we find ourselves in this situation - do you have any other next steps you want to take? Please do stay in contact if you feel you want to or PM me if rather. Big hugs xxx

@tulipsunday @Hopefulhoney6 hello ladies, i’m still feeling awful also been waiting at the EPU 6 hours to see the doctor to book in the SMM - added torture with all the pregnant woman and children around all day.

glad to hear you are settling down cycle wise and I will be trying again as soon as I am able to too.

yeh I had been taking pregnacare pre conception but then moved over to the pregnant one but assume il need to go back to the pre conception one again. I also take an extra vit d - a dr friend recommended after 1st MC.

I am booking in additional testing privately as me and partner had MOT fertility after 1st MC, all broadly fine except my AMH was slightly lower but the consultant at the time didn’t seem overly concerned. However I am know really concerned. I just can’t get out of my head old age / bad eggs! It’s killing me.

are you both trying for first’s? hope you are both doing ok. xxx

@LAURAPAX just wanted to offer a handhold, the wait in the EPU is so difficult, I wish they didn’t do it that way! I also wanted to offer some reassurance on the surgery. I’ve sadly had 2 MMCs myself this year and opted for surgery both times - I didn’t feel mentally able to handle other methods. I can say in my experience everyone was so kind, I felt so well cared for on the day and I really needed that. As another poster said, you are only there half a day. I had no pain from the surgery and tbh quite welcomed the break being under the GA! I had minimal cramping and bleeding after, but do take time off if you can to look after yourself emotionally, do little things for you.
thinking of you, I hope you’ve been seen by now x

@LAURAPAX I hope you have been seen now and I’m so sorry to hear you have waited so long. I went to St Thomas’ in London and luckily the EPU is separate to where people are noticeably pregnant are and also there is no wait to be booked in, so I feel for you!

Honestly, you’re really not that old and I wouldn’t beat yourself up about waiting. You have to be ready. Both of you. It’s so important for your relationship too. A friend who has a healthy 2 year old and is 35 has just had two MCs too. And sadly there’s usually no way to tell the reason.

instead of jumping straight into IVF, I would look at other things like natural killer cells, the EMMA test (for low lactobacilli) and sperm DNA fragmentation. There is lots of information on the Tommy’s website. But time is still on your side and this may have happened when you were 30 so whatever you do, be kind to yourself. My friend who has had three MCs has a couple of London specialist recommendations I can share through PM if you want x