Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC - Thread 6. ALL welcome!

[Sunbird24]

If you’re going through this, you’re not alone. I’ll post some links to support organisations shortly, but feel free to post, or just read, whatever you need.

@Phoenixwings1989 so so sorry for your loss lovely. It hurts so much doesn't it xx

@calimc83 so super shit. I've messaged the women's fertility clinic, they seem to have decent reviews. They have branches all over, I'm London based so looking at the London bridge clinic. Prices might be different elsewhere but in London its £480 for female fertility MOT and £580 to include semen testing. I'm thinking if it's not a big wait for an appointment (as don't want to delay TTC again more than a month or two) then I'll just go for it. I think I'll feel better if I get a clean bill of health and know it has just been bad luck :(

In the meantime I now want to go on a mega health kick. I've so far not been someone who avoids booze or caffeine whilst ttc but I think after this it might be time to get very pure!! And I could do with shifting a couple of lbs too. My response to my last MC was just to comfort eat and put weight on so let's see how that goes this time...

And thanks re advice to contact EPAU, wasn't sure but have now done a self referral so hopefully they'll scan me next week.

Oh @Tor88 I’m so sorry to see you again, what an awful time you’re having. I hope you manage to get some kind of answers.

It really is just rubbish and hurts so much to think that a few weeks ago we were so happy and excited for our new addition and now all of that has gone.

What is even more devastating is realising that the scan last week was right and the EPU had asked if I was a 100% certain about dates. I track the dates of my cycle so know.

So when they said I was measuring five weeks it must have been when the pregnancy stopped progressing but I had the same symptoms as I did from the day I found out and had no reason to think otherwise until now. It took four weeks in total to get to this point. I hate the thought that poor bub was in my uterus with nothing. That breaks me more than the miscarriage itself if possible.

@Tor88 I am ringing the EPU tomorrow just to confirm I have had a miscarriage on Saturday and ask what they'd like me to do. I am betting they'll still want me to go in for the scan just to check everything is OK. I wonder if they'll be able to offer any kind of insight into why it happened but not getting my hopes up as I know it will be unlikely. I am dreading it though. Seeing an empty space where bub should be was awful the first time.

Still in pain after taking medication too.

@Sunbird24 thank you <3 I know you have been through it all and then some, thank you for keeping these threads going, I've found them a huge help both times around xxx

@Phoenixwings1989 sorry for your loss. I’m still bleeding after my miscarriage and it does feel like a bad dream now. I was horrified to see my empty womb also not long after seeing the sac with the heartbeat. Currently I’m trying to pick myself up and carry on. Like you I’m going on a health kick… avoiding alcohol and going decaf as well as taking supplements. Hoping it will make a difference for the next one to stick.

@Tor88 ahh thanks will have a look. Yeah I also need to cut down on the caffeine and vino. I only have 1 coffee a day really. Wine - I've had quite a fair bit since my MC..but cutting down. Not sure I can completely cut it out 😫🙈 x

@mooneagle I am so sorry. That's really rubbish. Still bleeding here too sadly.

My head is in complete overdrive. Do DH and I name our bub? We didn't get to know the gender but maybe we could choose a unisex name? I'd also like to hold a memorial too at some point but feels silly seeing as our little bub didn't develop more than five weeks and had no heartbeat. I know some may regard our loss as insignificant because of that but to us it was still our child. I don't know.

@Phoenixwings1989 if it feels right to you then do it - my twins (MC3) were Pip & Dot, and number 4 was Anthony. I know one of the twins was a girl and 4 was a boy because of genetic testing, but their names are just for me anyway, only a few people in my real life know about the journey, it’s not on SM at all.

@Tor88 my friend had a good experience with London Bridge and actually got pregnant with healthy baby through IVF there. Hopefully you’ll be in good hands.

@Phoenixwings1989 For the first miscarriage we didn’t do anything but the second since we saw the heartbeat we couldn’t not commemorate in some way. We’ve bought a small fruit tee to put in the garden to look after and that’ll be the way we remember them by.

I have just came out of the appointment with the EPU. The scan conformed I have miscarried which I knew and there is no tissue left. My cervix is open and still thickened, so have been told to expect more bleeding and pain.

I didn't sleep last night due to pain being that bad and I cried most of that. I want to cry now but in the car with MIL and DH. Hospital gave us a memory box and some leaflets too. DH is devastated and I don't know how to support him or myself.

Aw @Phoenixwings1989 that’s just so shit. No words of advice but just to say you’re not alone… we are suffering the same.

I’m just trying to let myself grieve and then get healthy to give myself a chance to conceive again.

I’m sorry @Phoenixwings1989, I hope it’s all over soon for you. For DH there are a couple of specific MC resources for men, maybe he could have a look at those in his own time? Try www.miscarriageformen.com for starters.

@41andtryingforfirst how are you doing? Xx I've just done my first nearly negative test after a huge bleed 4 weeks ago and constant epu monitoring

@MrsGrealish hiya good to hear from you. It's been a bloody nightmare. I've also done my first nearly negative test today. I had a procedure two weeks after the first bleed under local anaesthetic. Ended up back at the hospital that afternoon in A and E. Got discharged and then the next day was really sick. Called 111. They thought I had an infection so called an ambulance. Turns out I had COVID. So I had MC and really bad COVID symptoms (extreme vomiting and aches) at the same time. I just couldn't believe it.
Today I started bleeding again after no proper bleeding for a week. No idea if it's period or the tissue they couldn't remove safely. It's been 2 weeks since the procedure and nearly 4 weeks since the MC first started. I'm hoping it's period 🤞. How are you doing? X

@41andtryingforfirst oh god covid on top of everything else? I'm so sorry lovely 😢 I started spotting a few days before you (we were on Facebook group together) I just couldn't admit what I already suspected

My miscarriage happened naturally at 6 weeks. Took ages for the blood hcg to drop because of 'my age'🙄 so my last epu visit was on Tuesday and blood hcg was 84 but the sister who scanned me said I was a day from ovulating so I don't think a low level of hcg affects ovulation, or so the sister midwife said. So hopefully that was a period maybe getting rid of excess clots/ tissue?

I've been thinking about you. Was lurking on threads looking for updates. I hope covid passed without any long lasting effects. I'm so sorry it ended like this Xx

@MrsGrealish thank you for thinking of me. What was your Fb name?

Hopefully we are both now coming to the end of this chapter and can move on. My husband and I are keen to try again as soon as we can - I want to be someone who is trying to get pregnant rather than a person who is miscarrying. I never realised it was such a long process and so physically and emotionally demanding. How naive was I?

It's really good the EPU have monitored you so closely. Mine have been a bit crap - actually several departments I've had dealings with in the past few weeks have been crap - I don't think my hospital is in a great place. It's really run down and there's not enough staff. It's made me reconsider where I'd like to have my baby if/when I get pregnant again. I might transfer over to Southampton which is about an hour away.

Having said all that I'm terrified about this happening again. The anxiety is unreal. If I wasn't 41 I'd probably wait a year before trying again to give me time to get over it. Unfortunately that's not an option now x

Hi can I join please ? Went for an early scan today and was told there was no heartbeat 😭

Hi @CocoLady come on in, so sorry to hear your news. How far along are you?

Thankyou @Sunbird24
I'm meant to be 9 weeks but baby heartbeat stopped at 6 weeks and I had an early scan as this is my 3rd miscarriage now.
Im doing too have the surgery this time as my last mc I bled for 3 months straight and it was so traumatic. I want to get pregnant again but I feel it's best to wait a while. I feel time is ticking me for as I'm 36 now. How is everyone doing ? Xx

@CocoLady i really feel for you - have they talked about doing any tests? You should be able to get full blood work-ups for yourself and genetic testing for the baby. Might help to get some answers around why this is happening to you and possibly some options for next time. Although the tests may not show anything wrong, so be prepared for that too.
Do you have real life support too? We’re always around if you want to get the feelings out in a safe (anonymous) place though.

Sending much love out to all of you ❤️❤❤

I'm not doing great. Just feeling really miserable and angry about what happened. I told my DH I was never trying again and he said it was too early to tell and to at least wait until we have two cycles before deciding. But he wasn't the one actively dealing with an empty uterus, so anything he says right now is void.

I don't want to try again. I knew that when I miscarried in Morrisons toilets and I know it now. I'd rather die than go through it all again.

I have so much admiration for those of you who are going to try again. Wish I had the strength to, but one miscarriage is enough for me. I already have so much sadness in my life without dealing with another miscarriage. 😪

@Phoenixwings1989 and your feelings are entirely valid. It’s a traumatic experience, and you’re going through grief on top which does involve anger as well as everything else. Would you maybe consider some counselling? Just to help you work through the trauma, as it can sometimes lead to PTSD down the line. I’m thinking about trying it as I’m struggling with a couple of specific things both from my ivf treatment and the miscarriages.

I don't feel counselling will help at all. I have been in and out of counselling since I was a teen and didn't find it useful. I don't know what I am struggling with the most.

@Phoenixwings1989 ah if you’ve tried it for other things and not found it useful then ignore me! I hope you find your way through these feelings, we’re always here when you need a vent if it helps.