Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC - Thread 6. ALL welcome!

[Sunbird24]

If you’re going through this, you’re not alone. I’ll post some links to support organisations shortly, but feel free to post, or just read, whatever you need.

Hi @elliew818, so sorry to read about your experiences

@elliew818 I'm so sorry 🧡 Sending virtual hugs. Sounds like you've had a really rough time with your past experiences too.

Sending love to @mummatara and @CocoLady too having just caught up on your posts, it's all so difficult ❤️ 🧡 Everyone is being really strong.

Today I found out a colleague is off on mat leave in sept which is when I would have been off had my first pregnancy continued. I feel like I've been pretty hardy since the second miscarriage, but hearing that today hurt.

I think I'm also having and extremely early chemical this month. I got all the symptoms of implantation I'd had with the other two pgs and on Monday and the most ridiculously faint positive. But the last two days symptoms have disappeared and the tests are now stark negative, so I'm assuming it just didn't take. Which is all fine, I just got my hopes up for a moment there. We were taking a break from trying anyway post miscarriage, and have only dtd once and I wasn't tracking ovu, so it would have been some sort of miracle!

I'm just so so so sick of obsessively doing pg tests and carrying them into various different lightings to check..and then digging them out of the bin hours later so see if somehow the result has changed. It just all sends you a bit barmy doesn't it!!

In case of interest to anyone here, I'm having private tests done at the London women's clinic. It cost £580 to test the man and woman and I think all the tests are what I'd be referred to on the NHS if I miscarry again, but without the wait. It's all been very quick and easy. Tests are done, full results on Monday but the sonographer told me she could see a cyst that looked like it could be endometriosis, which is quite frightening. Just have to wait to hear more 🙏

I took two pregnancy tests yesterday and they were both negative. I feel like my heart's been torn out today yet yesterday I was OK.

I’m so sorry for your loss. The constant bleeding is so difficult, it really feels like you can’t move on. I’m sorry the medics don’t seem to be helping much at the moment either. Sending lots of love and I hope you’re able to enjoy your holiday - you deserve it x

Sorry that was @Natpat81

Thanks for the kind words@Paddleandbail still bleeding so EPU told me to go to a French hospital today. Now 7 weeks of bleeding, and still positive on the pregnancy test. Somehow managed to navigate a French hospital and get scanned but they didn’t seem too worried so more waiting. Trying to enjoy my holiday though!

Hello everyone, I had an MMC two months ago at 11 weeks. Medically managed as an in patient, was absolutely horrific. I've been doing ok since but find I get triggered and once I do the tears don't stop. Today was one of those days. A work colleague announced her pregnancy, she's due same week I was. I just can't stop crying. This is the most lonely place to be in. No one knows what to say anymore, no one gets it.

@elzober I'm so so sorry for your loss 🧡 Loss at 11 weeks must be heartbreaking. My first loss was at 9 weeks and I was an absolute wreck. I had a very similar experience yesterday finding out a colleague is off on mat leave when I should have been and I've been feeling really wobbly today and I think that's why. You're right it is a very lonely place to be ❤️❤️🌟 Look after yourself and share how you're feeling with those around you xxxx

@elzober you're not alone, we get it. I still can’t bring myself to talk to a friend of mine who had her baby 2 weeks before I would have been due if it hadn’t been for my 3rd MC. We were both pregnant and miscarried around the same time previously (my 2nd MC, her first) but she got her baby and I went on to have a 4th MC. I’m happy for her, but sad for me - It’s ok to feel like that, because it isn’t fair. Doesn’t make you a bad person, just a woman who lost something really bloody important to her in about the most traumatic way possible.

Sadly joining this thread. Found out a couple of days ago at my 12 week scan I’d had a MMC and it had stopped growing 2 weeks ago. hardly know what to feel, the shock is still around me.

@Tor88 @Sunbird24 thank you for your kind words. I've ended up writing more on here as it's the only place I can find people who actually get it. I'm sorry for your losses 💐xxxxx

@EnterACloud I'm so sorry. Same thing happened to me. Take your time to process and grieve and be very kind to yourself, sending big hugs xxxxx

I’m so sorry you’ve been through the same. It’s utterly awful isn’t it. It’s terrible people don’t understand, have you any friends who’ve been through miscarriage?

@EnterACloud no friends my age. A couple of older work colleagues told me they had one but a long time ago and all have children now. I've had two so far and just really hope I can be successful one day.

Please can I join.
MMC at our 12 week scan end of June, total shock, surgery this past Friday. Was so relieved to get it done. Thought I was doing ok as had a week to process whilst waiting for the procedure so I didn’t find the procedure itself too distressing and was so well looked after.
Now it’s all over and we’re alone to get on with it, usually ok in the day but at night just stay up alone and cry. Thinking of the lottle life we lost. Wanting to forget and then feeling terribly guilty because if I don’t remember them who will. Signed off until next week and don’t know how I’ll get it together enough to give two craps about whatever anyone is complaining about at work.
Sending love to everyone. There is no other way to describe this than sh1t.

@MamaW05 big hugs lovely it truly truly sucks I'm 5 weeks post surgery and the first few weeks are hard but it does get a little easier as time goes on ❤️

Just popping by to see how everyone’s getting along! How are you doing @EnterACloud, @MamaW05?

Oh thank you! I had surgery on Friday, it went well but I feel utterly awful today (physically). How are you?

@EnterACloud I’m glad you’re not having to sit about waiting for it to happen any more, but sorry you’re feeling rubbish - the heat won’t help with that so take it easy and stay hydrated!

I’m actually going for my next embryo transfer on Thursday, this will be attempt 5 with embryo 7 (have had two double transfers) Hoping this one’s lucky, or that all the extra drugs make a difference…

Sadly joining this thread.
I had an initial scan 2 weeks ago where the sac measured 4w6d ( my maths had me at 5w6d, so one week behind) 4 days after this scan i started having bleeding, however only passed 1 small clot. This bleeding lasted 10 days until Saturday this weekend.
I was scanned again this morning and the sac only measured 5w3d so only grew a tiny bit and they have confirmed non-viable pregnancy.
They've sent me home with the leaflets to decide how to manage the termination going forward. Part of me just wants it done and to not know its happening and just have a D&C under GA. But I've also seen people say it could affected future fertility or lead to pre-term labour, but I just don't think I'm mentally strong enough to undergo medical management.
I feel so very sad because I'd allowed myself to hope a little when i didn't pass any significant clots or tissue. Although the pregnancy came as a surprise I still desperately want a baby so this loss has devastated me. I feel like I've lost my A game at work and i have fallen behind on my master's degree work.
I'm also scared of it happening again if we try again.

@Sunbird24 thank you! So kind to check, it means a lot to see this pop up.
back to work today and harder than I expected. I had to call a friend outside the office to give me a little pep talk and calm down before I could walk in. Not sure why, maybe because that’s really it, back to reality now.
As well as being sad I’m just finding I am overwhelmingly anxious right now. So scared it will happen again or I will struggle to even get pregnant. A way off as only had surgery 10 days ago and still bleeding. No idea how to handle the constant anxiety pressing on my chest. Does anyone else feel like this? My husband is heartbroken but very logical and easily comforted by the fact that another pregnancy (we already have 1 child) is far more likely to be successful than not - I know this but it doesn’t change anything because stats on missed miscarriage did us no favours this time round x

@HappyPie82 i did a lot of reading before my surgery and although there is a very very low risk of scarring that’s the same with a C section and apparently treatable. They didn’t actually even mention infertility in the risks on the consent form I signed. Ultimately I decided the risk is so low, for a procedure I may end up needing anyway, I also did not think I could emotionally handle medical x

@HappyPie82 I’m so sorry you’re going through it. For what it’s worth I’ve ended up having to have surgery most times due to a tendency to haemorrhage if it happens naturally - last time they even had to do it twice as they’d missed a bit. There is a very very tiny risk of damage so they don’t like to do more than two in the same cycle, but the consultant said that actually the uterus is really good at repairing itself so the fact I’ve now had 4 surgeries won’t have any noticeable impact on any future pregnancies. It’s entirely your choice, but I’ve had nothing but calm and peaceful experiences with surgery under general anaesthetic, even the one that had to be done as an emergency. Hopefully chatting with some of the other ladies here who know what you’re feeling will help you decide which path you want to take, there’s absolutely no pressure here towards any particular choice.

@MamaW05 take your time, you’ve been through the mill both physically and emotionally and there’s no timeline for feeling ‘better’.

At some point the grief/fear/hope/strength scales may tip and you will feel ready to try again but you can’t force it. Look after yourself.

Joining the club.
On 9 June this year we went for our 12 week scan (first pregnancy at 38) to be told there was no heartbeat, baby had stopped growing at 11 weeks. I went back on 13 June to have an ERPC. After a month of bleeding and still getting positive pregnancy tests I had to have a second ERPC on 12 July as there was about 1cm of retained tissue let behind after the first ERPC. I was assured by their best consultant that everything was removed this time, and that the bleeding would be watery and minimal, which it was for a couple of days after. However, this morning a week after the procedure I have started bleeding again and it's moderately heavy (like a period). It's surely too early for my period. I am just so sick of bleeding at this point. And I just want to be able to start trying again but obviously can't until this is over.

@Lottylou2022 im so sorry, this sounds similar to my experience earlier this year. I just checked my period tracker to see when I bled again and it looks like it was about 3 weeks after my second ERPC. Could you call the EPU tomorrow to tell them and see what they say? It really does suck that this is so dragged out for you

@Sunbird24 thank you. They told me last week I had to wait another three weeks and do a pregnancy test. My understanding is in the meantime unless the bleeding is extremely heavy and smelly they won’t do anything. They are so overstretched and under resourced there (I had to wait several hours to be seen on my last couple of visits) I feel bad bothering them to be honest.