Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC - Thread 5. ALL welcome!

[Sunbird24]

Previous thread:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/miscarriage/4190003-Support-thread-for-those-experiencing-or-recently-experienced-a-MC-MMC-Thread-4-ALL-welcome

I feel like there’s a massive expectation to get back to normality but I don’t even know what that is now, I have really supportive friends and family but I don’t want to keep telling them the same things Or have them worry about me. I’m sick of feeling sad, I’m back to work but wfh so I’m just alone all day every day with my thoughts , I don’t even know what the point of this post is, just needed to get it out somewhere . I keep thinking I’m getting better then end up in tears, this really is the worst club :(

www.boredpanda.com/ball-in-box-analogy-dealing-with-loss/

I don’t know if anyone else has heard of the ‘ball in the box’ analogy for grief, but it made sense to me so I thought I’d share it to see if it helps anyone. Thinking of you all out there today with your own personal losses, you are not alone. We all get it.

Just take your time Tina

Be patient with yourself
Be kind to yourself
It’s ok to feel what you are feeling. There is no timescale on it.

I found making some small scale plans of nice things was a good start. So maybe you’ve wanted to try a new takeaway? Or maybe you wanted an expensive advent calendar?
Whatever was an ambition or something for you to try.
Lean on your friends and family. They won’t be worried. They’ll be happy they can help you.

I didn't know this existed!
I've probably been seen posting a lot unfortunately:(
2 MMC this year within 6 months of each other.
Latest a month ago... got my period this week. As expected heavy and crappy feels to go with.

I wondered if anyone has various side effects
My nails are usually really strong and lately they've ripped to shreds, they split, they're weak and feel horrible and my memory is awful 😢 I'm usually amazing at remembering names and places and even events and the last month I've gotten worse and worse.
These things are nothing in the grand scheme of things but they make me feel pretty crap and I'm putting it down to the trauma physically and mentally.... but am I the only one?

Also had bloods done and nothing of concern has come back except slightly anaemic so GP has put it all down to terrible luck.... I'm not sure if and when il be ready again but I feel reassured you guys are here to talk about the way things feel as some days I feel like every one feels I should be over this by now and I'm just not. The healing/grief is most definitely not linear .....

@Doodledeedum I’m so sorry you’re going through this too. I’ve also had 2 losses in 6 months 😞. What tests did your GP do? I have mine next Friday (so 2 weeks after my surgery).

@WorriedGirl91 thanks and I'm so sorry for you too and that you even have to be here... this time feels different for all sorts of reasons yet equally as devastating...
I've had a quick read and I can see people are right - worst club ever but I'm sure it has the best members
I've been absolutely desperate to talk to people. Not just anyone but anyone that can see what I'm going through and tell me what to expect and I really want to help anyone that feels the same because there have been so many things I want the answer to ( lack of control I suppose)

I had a number of things looked at apparently and I have the list to collect from the gp- which I have to make the time to go and get but I made notes of the call and I had my thyroid, liver and blood clotting checked. Because of what I've read so far I really wanted to get blood clotting checked and I don't know if I'm upset or relieved with that result! ( anyone else feel like if it was clear what it was then at least you know you can try and do something??)
Nothing apart from my iron level was of concern and that was marginally lower than it should be but it's through its down to the MC as it was the same last time - I just have to get it checked in two months to be sure it's back up to level.

I was also supposed to have a ultrasound on my uterus ( only) but the dr had my MC scan notes and told me it would only show what's come up on this and that was that my uterus is a 'normal' 'good' shape and size and nothing was found on my ovaries..... at the MC I remember being told I had tiny fibroids but it wasn't thought to have affected the pregnancy.... who knows. I'm feeling very stuck.

HIDEOUS day. So after fighting tooth and nail for a blood test to confirm my very early loss and being told no by my GP, I finally got one this morning for £100. Got an email in the afternoon just saying: results show you were pregnant.

I’m just so gutted/angry that no one can help me understand this. The due date would have been my dad’s bday and I miscarried the first time at his party earlier this year. Just so hoped it would work out. DH is away at a wedding and it’s his birthday of all things so I’m trying to struggle through on my own. I want a glass of wine but feel like I need to stop drinking as I’m grasping at anything to make this situation improve.

@Doodledeedum would your GP do those tests after two losses? I will give that a try if so. So sorry for you too.

Worst gang with the best members for sure. So glad I have you all to vent to. I have a counsellor who is wonderful but I can’t help thinking you can’t really understand unless you’ve experienced it.

Love to you all xx

@SunAndSea37 ah I'm so sorry that's really crappy, glad you know for sure though and can take that info forward to Gp
I had a lot of trouble with the last MMC as they didn't have the slots/availability to scan me just before my MC and so I I had to go and get a private scan and if I'd waited till the next morning as the wanted me to the MC would have happened with no evidence of how far I'd got along or even know if I was MC because of the pregnancy had stopped or if it was a cervical issue ....

I had these tests with two MC, so it is possible.
I'm in Hertfordshire and that's the most my GP was willing/could offer me... the bloods and an ultrasound to look at uterus.
I did say that the medical staff I'd seen along the way with the MC had suggested that it could be blood clotting so pushed to find out if that's what it could be, i stressed that I didn't want to try again to get to 'three' losses to be able to test because my mental health was suffering not knowing what it could be that's causing it and I wanted to eliminate what ever I could before I even consider it again especially if it was something 'simple' that could be rectified.
Like I said I'm now stuck as nothing has come up as a concern but I know it's also a blessing....

@1stTimeTina I just want to say that for about a week I was doing 'surprisingly' well for myself, I remember thinking 'oh god this must mean I'm used to this ...' but then I dipped. Bad. And that's me all over now. I'm fine for a day and I dip for two, I am fine for two days and I dip for one. I'm much more tearful about it all this time too. I could talk about the first one and this one everytime I start to talk I well up. It's really F*ing hard, and that's it, it's HARD!! So please do not make your self feel bad for how you're feeling.
Any time I can where feesable to do so I let it flow, let it come out.

You know what set me off once??? Watching TikTok - a monkey swatting away a baby monkey that wasn't hers and I cried for hours. I remember thinking 'it's not fair!' I want a baby and started thinking about all the babies that come to this world who are treated awfully and how I'd give and so many people would give anything to have those babies and how UNFAIR it all felt!! Some days all it takes is my body doing something weird and I think 'oh that's the baby growing' and then remember it's not there.
My sister is also pregnant and we had all these plans and now I watch her grow and I feel like I'm stuck in concrete.... I'm so happy for her! so excited for a baby to be an aunt to, and she had a loss at the same time as me with my first MMC, I really thought we BOTH had a second chance but ... no.

So FEEL these things and remember it's ok to, I really wanted to reach out to you or anyone else who thinks it's crap we're expected to 'move on' and 'through' this.... x

Hi everyone. Joining as I had bleeding over the weekend and a scan yesterday which showed no heartbeat and no development past 6 weeks (I thought I was 10+2). So now I am just waiting for the inevitable to happen - pretty intense pain today but just a bit of bleeding. Another scan booked for Monday to discuss options etc. I still have sickness and nausea and still feel pregnant.

My husband is away for work (with very limited communication) and although my mum is here and being an absolute star I’m feeling pretty alone right now.

So sad and sorry for everyone’s losses 💐 So thankful for this group.

Welcome @mazzy89, always sad to see new faces in this group but you will be welcomed with loads of support and kindness. I'm glad you have your mum to help you, does anyone else in your life know what you're going through?

Hi @mazzy89, I'm so so sorry for your loss...

Thanks ladies. It’s really crap isn’t it!

@Tofu35 yes a few close friends know, it does help speaking to them. Because DH is away I’d probably told more people I was pregnant than if he’d been here. And actually quite grateful for that now.

Sending love to everyone 💐

Thanks for your message @Doodledeedum it really helps. My best friend is also pregnant, I’m currently planning her baby shower which of course I want to do for her but I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t hard. I’m keen to get back to some sport once the bleeding has stopped so that I have something to do on an evening, at the moment I’m home all day working alone then my 2 year old comes home (who I’m SO grateful for) but I have to put on a happy face then by the time she goes to bed my husband and I have jobs to do then we go to bed so I’m not getting any quality time
Or talking time , looking forwards to the weekend when I’m seeing a friend, altho she’s pregnant so there’s that. I honestly think if you haven’t been through this before you just can’t understand the weight of it, as much as friends and family try to support they just can’t fully understand. X

@mazzy89 sorry you’re joining us!! Sending lots of love. Once the docs have spoken to you about your options you’ve got ladies here who have probs experienced each and can offer advice if you need it xxx

Sorry to everyone who’s joined the club this week. Worst club best members is so right. Thank you for sharing the ball in the box analogy it really makes sense.

We had our final scan yesterday which confirmed a MMC and we’re booked in for surgical treatment on Friday. I knew it was going to happen so I was sad but coped yesterday. My husband however still had hope until they 100% confirmed MMC so had a really bad day. He felt all the grief all over again. Don’t know how to support him apart from love and listening. Think Friday will be hardest for me but equally need the medical side of things done.

Might try some of the ideas about planning nice things around it all. We’ve been planning to go away for a while so can now book something in.

Morning everyone, just catching up! Sad to see so many new members of this horrible club! But it really does have the best members

2 weeks since my miscarriage, did my follow up pregnancy test this morning, negative as expected but still made me a little sad as the last time I took a pregnancy test there were two lines instead of one I also did an OPK, and it showed a strong positive, so maybe I’m ovulating or about to?? Or maybe my hormones are just all messed up?? Who knows - all I know is I would really like my cycle to be back to normal ASAP!

Also went back to work yesterday - everyone was so lovely and supported, a couple of people asked why I’d been off and I was honest - which actually felt really good and helped a lot to talk about it. Although I got the usual responses of “you’re going” “at least you know you can pregnant” responses which is always unhelpful! 🙄

@Sunbird24 I have everything crossed for your egg transfer next week! 🤞🏻

Good morning everyone, hope we all have gentle days today. Just wondering how long I should expect to spot for? I had a week of period like bleeding and now it's been a week of spotting- just enough that I keep wearing a liner.

@Doodledeedum thanks so much for that, it’s really helpful. I am getting so fed up with the lack of insight/knowledge. Apparently only 2% to 7% of women have more than one MC, but just from women on here/my friends that seems to be a huge underestimate (and if it is that rare why won’t they HELP). Why is there such poor knowledge around use of progesterone/aspirin?

@1stTimeTina it is so sweet of you to do you friend’s shower but that must be so tough for you. I’m sure she would understand if you asked someone else to take the lead? Just saying as sometimes it’s hard to give ourselves permission to put yourself first sometimes ❤️

@Wurz2 absolutely plan yourself some treats!

DH and I seem to have a huge gulf between us at the moment and finding the toll on our relationship just awful.

Love to you all xx

@SunAndSea37 I agree. It feels like ( and probably because we're so desperate for info!) there's a MUCH higher number of women who unfortunately go through this way more than 2/3 times and this scares me a lot. You also never want to think about being in that small percentage of women but here we are 😞
I really hope you get some answers

I'm pissed off and upset tonight because I received letters from the 7th of OCTOBER about my blood tests and partners blood tests to see if we were carriers of a blood disease found in Mediterranean people. ... and I'm glad to find out my partner doesn't carry - I do BUT I get this now.... addressed to me as if I'm still pregnant.... pissed off and I want to cry.

Hi ladies. I can't believe I've had to post in this thread but here I am. I found out last week at a Harmony test I'd lost my baby at around 10 weeks. I was supposed to be 11+6. We are devastated and in shock. This would of been our 3rd child. We have a 4 year old and a 2 year old at home. Both perfectly normal pregnancy's so this has really felt like a punch in the gut. No one knew we were pregnant, we were waiting for our 12 week scan..at the EPU they mentioned swelling around the head area which might hint at a genetic abnormalities. I'm 38 and will be 39 in January. I'm now blaming myself for leaving it too long, Wouk this have happened if we'd started our family earlier?
I had medical management over the weekend and I'm out of hospital now thankfully. That all went ok. I just can't get my head around things. But venting and talking about it is helping. I'm sorry to see so many have gone through similar...xx

@claremc1983 welcome, and I'm so sorry you're here... I'm sorry for your loss. It's so huge to get your head around and comprehend... and I'm sure with the little ones it's even more difficult to carry on as normal.
I know you were waiting for the scan to tell people but be kind to yourself and explain it to anyone that can help support you right now x

@Doodledeedum thank you for your reply. We've started to tell people now abc it's helping to talk about it, I can't believe it's coming up to a week since we found out. I just want to feel like I'm getting better and I really don't feel like I am yet...x

Hi everyone, I had my booking in appointment today at 9 weeks and told her about brown spotting for a week and cramps with red blood from yesterday. EPU called me and within 40 minutes I had drove to the hospital and was scanned. No heartbeat, baby died at 6w4. I've to go back tomorrow with my partner and can get medical management. Was awful sitting in that waiting room myself in tears then coming home to tell my partner, never really seen him cry I feel numb now.

@UnknownFemale01 I’m so sorry to hear this, it’s devastating. I completely get the numb feeling too we both alternated between numb and devastated in our first week. My husband isn’t one to cry normally but our MMC has hit him hard. We only found out a couple of weeks ago and I’m going in tomorrow for surgical management so can’t provide much advice as it’s early days for us too. I just didn’t want to read and run. Sending hugs and take time to grieve, cry, scream, do what ever you need to do.

@Wurz2 thank you, I'm so sorry your going through this too. I'll be thinking of you tomorrow