Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC - Thread 5. ALL welcome!

[Sunbird24]

Previous thread:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/miscarriage/4190003-Support-thread-for-those-experiencing-or-recently-experienced-a-MC-MMC-Thread-4-ALL-welcome

Hi everyone, I wondered if I could ask a question. I had a miscarriage at 9 weeks in February (I posted on this group a lot in the weeks after and everyone was so kind, thanks to all especially @Sunbird24 ).

I had an MVA procedure, and physically recovered as I was meant to (or so I thought!) as I tested negative two weeks after.

However ever since the miscarriage and procedure I've been getting so many random shooting pains all over the place that I never got before. Particularly in my thighs, bum and hips. It basically feels like implantation and early pregnancy side effects, and seems fairly constant. It's not particularly painful, it's just odd. And what's particularly hard is that as I'm TTC I keep convincing myself Ive been successful as I have all these odd cramps at exactly the right time for implementation, then AF arrives.

I wondered if anyone else was still experiencing weird twinges and shooting pains 3/4 months after their MC?? Im wondering if I should be seeking medical advice for it?? It feels like if it was an infection or withheld tissue though, the pain would be very uterous focused, whereas instead it's sometimes in that area and sometimes in hips, bum, back or thighs???

Any thoughts much appreciated 🧡

Hi @Sunbird24 how are you doing?

I’m 11 days post dnc after failed med miscarriage and doing much better. I was still testing showing a very weak positive test Saturday, and have some cramps but not really bleeding now so hoping I’m almost done.
Trying to just be as positive as I can and not to put to much stress on everything. But still nervous about the unknown.
How are you feeling about everything?

@Tor88 I’m sorry for your loss and hope you are doing as well as you can be.
i’m just 6 weeks post miscarriage so can’t speak for that far out i’m sorry. But I’d definitely get it checked out. It must be so confusing for your TTC journey, so hope you get your rainbow soon 🤞🏻

@LaurenFM thanks, yeah it sent me round the bend last month. I got mad cramps 9 and 10 dpo, then no cramps for 3/4 days, then AF. Bizarre.

I'm so so sorry for your loss as well. It is just awful isn't it. I can only say that in my experience the first 8-10 weeks post MC we're super tough and then it does get better again, the sun starts to shine again! So keep going xx

Morning @Tor88 and @LaurenFM, glad you’re both feeling a little brighter. @Tor88 no idea about those pains sorry! It’s probably worth just having a chat with the dr just to put your mind at ease though!

I’m in the process of transferring my last 2 embryos to my new clinic now I’ve moved jobs and houses, but it just seems to be so slow! My next transfer window is the end of next month and they’re saying it might not all be sorted by then… 🤨

It pains me have to join this thread. I had a MC at 7ish weeks last week and I'm struggling. The physical symptoms have almost stopped apart from the bleeding. Psychologically I just feel like a ghost, just drifting and not really living. I flit between feeling sort of ok, to exhausted and just extremely weepy. When will it get better? I have DC already but just didn't think it would affect me this badly.

@Tigerpaws4 I’m so sorry 💐
It can take a while, at the moment you’ve still got all the hormones as well which doesn’t help. Be kind to yourself, it is a traumatic experience. Have you got a support circle in real life too?

Hello @Sunbird24 thank you for your kind reply. Yes a few people know and are checking in every now and again. DH is a bit up and down, I think he's feeling the loss too. Just trying to take each hour, each day as it comes. That sounds dramatic as I type it but I guess it will get easier with time. x

@Tigerpaws4 So very sorry for your loss.
It really is the most horrendous experience. The first few weeks I was exactly the same. Life had no light and all the ‘at leasts’ I was told made me even more upset, and it was so hard seeing everyone’s life continue as mine stood so eerily still.
I’m not almost 7 weeks out and although it has changed me forever I can finally enjoy the good things I have and look forward to the future. Don’t get me wrong I’m anxious but trying to be positive and hope we get our rainbow baby. Give yourself time to heal, and don’t feel you have to rush your grieving. Thinking of you

@Tor88 Thank you, I’m getting there now. Finally have my negative test which is weird to be happy about, but it’s a little bit of closure. Can finally start trying again. Keeping it crossed for all of us xx

@Sunbird24 So much on at the moment for you! Good luck with everything, and really do hope it will be sorted by then! Fingers crossed! X

Hi @Tigerpaws4 sorry for your loss. Everything you have said is normal and just because you have another child doesn't mean it's not valid what you are feeling.

It took me a while to get through the worst of it mentally after thinking I was ok initially it will hit you even after weeks pass. But I promise it does get better in time, you still remember it as if it was yday but you remember it less of the day as time goes by.

I had a mc at on 3rd of March at 11 weeks and I've only recently been in a better place over the last two weeks or so. Like @Sunbird24 said be kind to yourself it's a very traumatic experience to go through x

Oh yes, all the “at least..” people can absolutely go suck it. None of those things make your grief any less real or any less raw. I don’t know why anyone thinks those comments are in any way helpful. I shall be cross at them on your behalf as I’m sure you’re not in the headspace to deal with it. Idiots!

Hi all - currently miscarrying and have found this thread - hope it's ok to join.

This is my first pregnancy and first miscarriage. I was 5 +3 when it started and have been bleeding for 4 days now.

I was discharged from hospital yesterday after spending 3 days on the ward. That wasn't a pleasant experience- lots of mixed messages and waiting and tests and being given hope and then being scared out of my wits by doctors. I think overall the hospital experience was more traumatic than the miscarriage itself.

Going in today for more blood tests and they're going to phone me later to ask which option I want to go for to manage the miscarriage. I'm thinking I'll go for natural route. It's already started plus the pain feels comforting in a strange way - like it's reminding me that this was real and giving me time to process the situation.

The biggest issue for me is my mental health. I've been going through a horrendous time both personally and professionally for a few months and been very isolated. When I found out I was pregnant people treated me with worth. In the GP surgery people said congratulations and people seemed to care and I felt like being pregnant had made me more valuable as a person. Before I was ignored and treated badly and felt worthless. When I was pregnant I felt like I had worth again. Like I actually mattered. It's hard to explain without going into the details of my situation but I was suffering so much prior to this pregnancy. People knew how vulnerable I was but didn't reach out to me. Then when they knew I was pregnant they did reach out and they were kind. My confidence increased and I felt I had a purpose. I felt valuable.

Now I feel like any worth I had is bleeding out of me. I feel like I've lost my value and my worth. I feel like I'm nothing without this pregnancy. That's based on how I've been treated. So clearly I thrive on other's reactions towards me rather than believing in myself.

That's the bit of the loss that I'm finding most difficult to deal with.

Thanks for providing the space and opportunity to be able to express how I truly feel. Just writing it down has helped x

@41andtryingforfirst im so sorry you’re going through this, and the struggles you’re having with your mental health. You very much do have worth in the world, whether or not other people can see it doesn’t change that.

@Sunbird24 thank you for your kind words.

Can I ask a couple of questions? Thought someone might know the answers...

1. Roughly how long does a Mc last? I started bleeding on Wednesday but just wondering on average how long it takes?

1. After a Mc do your cycles go back to the same length they were before?

Thanks in advance x

Can’t really help with the first question as I’ve only managed one natural MC, have had haemorrhages and/or surgery with the others. Hopefully someone else can give you their experience there, but mine lasted about a week to ten days max.
My cycles did go back to normal once my HCG levels had dropped enough for a home pregnancy test to be negative though.

@41andtryingforfirst sorry that you are feeling so down I hope with time you feel different, you are so worthy and also there will be hormones making you feel really up and down right now too.

Mine was natural mc and I started bleeding on a Thursday and passed everything the following day and went on to bleed for another few days and that was it.

My cycle pre mc were around 28 days and my two since have been 33 and 38 days. First period was not heavy as expected at all but went on for just over 3 weeks, second was as heavy as the mc happening but without the clots.

I think it is different for everybody I do remember trying to read up on it after finding out I was going to mc and it differs from person to person. My advice would be to be prepared mentally for what you may see and take it a day at a time and be extra kind to yourself X

Thank you @MooBugz and @Sunbird24

That's really helpful and I appreciate you taking the time to share your experiences with me x

Can’t believe I’m writing this, but new here and new to Mumsnet.

Up until Tuesday I thought I was 9+2 with my first pregnancy. We had seen a heartbeat at 6.5 weeks at an early scan.

I went to A&E after 9 days of spotting on Tuesday, despite the nurses telling me spotting is normal and I should only go if I saw bright red blood. Sadly on being scanned at the EPU Tuesday they confirmed no heartbeat and baby had stopped growing at 7 weeks, just after we’d seen the scan.
I felt everything was dealt with so clinically and went with medical management as that’s what they recommended. Took my first pill on Tuesday, and (we think) passed everything Tuesday night. Took the 4 Miseprostol yesterday and absolutely nothing happened, but still losing some clots from Tuesday. They are scanning me Thursday to check everything has passed.

I’m struggling to see how you ever get past this, or the desperate feeling I have to try and conceive again and fill this massive void that has been left. Please tell me it gets easier with time x

@Cdoc I'm so sorry. It just feels surreal doesn't it? You have all these plans and think everything is going to be ok and then it isn't. It's such a shock to the system.

It's happening to me now so I can't advise you on what will happen in the future. I'm currently counting down the days until it I can try to get pregnant again. Which is daunting because I know I'm back to 2 week waits and POAS. But I want to fill that void too. I get it.

However what I will have (if we choose to try again) is that elation when I see those two lines again. Maybe tinged with more trepidation than last time but hopefully it'll still be exciting too.

I wish I could say something to take your pain away. Just know you're not alone. I think there will be a time when I can watch one born every minute again. I'm trying to stay positive. Please continue to talk if it helps. Thinking of you xx

@Cdoc I’m so sorry, you always think once you’ve seen that heartbeat you’re safe and it’s a real shock. Time doesn’t heal as such, but the pain gets so much easier to deal with, and eventually the hope and desire outweighs the fear and anxiety around trying again, but that’s for away down the line. Right now it’s completely raw, and you still have all the pregnancy hormones to deal with, which makes it worse. Be kind to yourself, there’s nothing you did wrong or could have done differently.

@Cdoc and @41andtryingforfirst So sorry for both your losses. I had an MVA after a mmc on 29 March and I couldn’t stop crying for about a month after, it was one of the hardest things I’ve ever been through and in the end my gp has given me antidepressants. Take a lot of time to heal. I’ve only really started to feel like myself very recently. I had the need to get pregnant again quickly too, it felt like something was missing. We are going to start trying again now, but it is the first time I’ve felt ready emotionally to deal with it. All my love goes out to you both, it is really the worst thing to be going through.

I am 5 weeks post medical management. 3 weeks post ERPC for small retained product. After surgery my pregnancy tests dropped rapidly and after a week I got a negative on cheap ICs. Which was 2 weeks ago. I ovulated very soon after.

due my period any time. Basically like now.

FRER test is showing me a faint positive. Cheap IC 20 mui sensitivity negative. Is this residual hormone?

i know frer is so sensitive. The cheap IC was negative yesterday. Maybe a tiny squinter. Hard to see. Today it’s the same

but I’m thinking as I didn’t see a negative on a frer. It’s still picking up left over

has anyone had this? It’s driving me mad. Whyyy if 20mui test was negative 2 weeks ago can my body still be allowing after to be positive! 😭😭😭

@Indianna2006 ahh how frustrating!! I know when I did mine normal hot we're showing negative but FRER we're giving me a faint line for weeks.

Because you didn't do FRER when you had the other negatives after the procedure then it's hard to say for sure but you'll know over the next few days nor week when your period does or doesn't (hopefully) arrive 🤞🏼

Hi ladies. Has anyone asked there GP for them to carry out tests since their MC? This is my 2nd in 6 months. If so, what do they routinely tests for? I've read they can test thyroid levels and vitd. I've also been referred to the recurrent MC clinic ( after a lot of begging) and just wondering what anyones experience with them is? Thanks x

Hi all

Has anyone had the miscarriage stopping and starting? I'm on day 5 now and thought it was coming to an end as I hadn't had any proper bleeding since yesterday morning - just clots and tissue with no blood. Today there has been hardly anything.

Then this evening the contraction pains returned with full force and the bleeding started again. Is this normal? X

@41andtryingforfirst it can be - might just have a little bit of something that hasn’t come away yet so your body’s giving it another go. Do a test in a few days to check it’s still fading, and if it’s not down to negative in a couple of weeks get the EPU to do you a scan. Hopefully the process goes smoothly for you.

@calimc83 Ive had all the blood tests going, some before the ivf, some after my third MC. The consultant at my clinic was great, really thorough. Unfortunately all my tests came back clear so we don’t know what my body is doing! Clotting issues are definitely something they test for.