Support thread for those experiencing or recently experienced a MC/MMC - Thread 5. ALL welcome!

[Sunbird24]

Previous thread:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/miscarriage/4190003-Support-thread-for-those-experiencing-or-recently-experienced-a-MC-MMC-Thread-4-ALL-welcome

@UnknownFemale01 I'm so sorry, that is heartbreaking. My partners the same, doesn't cry. During the first MMC he was so supportive but wasn't reacting emotionally. This second one he saw a lot of what was happening... we saw everything... and I think he was in shock and I could see he was just about holding it together... so then I had to be strong and sort it out... i don't want to get graphic I think people may know what I mean..? But then as always he pulled it together and really looked after me.
It's all just so shit isn't it. Totally get the numbness too, I think it's our bodies/minds way of coping so we don't completely collapse because it flits between that and pure visceral devastation...

@Wurz2 I'm so sorry 😞 I hope tomorrow goes as well as it can and you're treated with kindness and compassion.... take anything cozy with you that you're can, some distractions and even a little calming playlist on your phone u can listen to whilst you wait etc x

@UnknownFemale01 just to echo everyone's sympathies, I'm so sorry this has happened, and during your booking appointment too just feels so sad. When we got back from my miscarriage at the hospital, my husband had been holding it together but as soon as we got home he just broke down in massive sobs. Difficult for partners to go through, especially when they don't acknowledge they have the right to grieve for the loss too. There's a good page on Tommy's that I shared with him that just says it's okay for them to not be the "protector" and they can grieve and feel shit too.

You'll be in my thoughts @wurz2 xx

@Doodledeedum and @Tofu35 thank you, he's been amazing since we found out I was pregnant, looking after me always making dinner and even made me a watermelon cocktail when I was craving watermelon and missing alcohol! It's so sad thinking of his happy face when we found out and now seeing how sad he is I'm going to have a look at the Tommy's page you mentioned, thanks for that.

The fact it was booking appointment day did make it worse, midwife phoned me to go through booking in and I told her I was cramping etc and within 40 minutes I had drive to EPU myself for a scan after they called and said it might be a haematoma. Oh how I wish it was.

I'm a bit scared of the medical management..is it really awful pain wise? They said they aren't really doing surgical due to covid but the nurse was really graphic about all the risks with all the options including needing blood transfusion etc or surgery if pills done work. Urgh.

@UnknownFemale01 awww :( so sad for both of you honestly.
Erm, would they do they medicated management in the EPU ... if they do ... I'd go and do it there.
I really struggled with the pain and took too much codeine but everybody has a different threshold... had I been in EPU and not at home with it it could have been better managed...?

@UnknownFemale01 so sorry that you’re joining us. Different hospitals must be operating differently, I had the surgical option and while it was awful there is a sense of relief once it’s done. Not sure that helps at all. Just look after yourself and accept offers of help, good snacks , good movies and cuddles xx

@Wurz2 will be thinking of you today, hope it goes ok as it can, take care xxx

I not trying to set myself up as some kind of ‘expert’, as I’m so conscious everyone’s experiences will be unique, but if mine can help anyone at all I’m happy to share.

1. Medical management
2. Happened naturally after stopping progesterone
3. Started a haemorrhage couple of days before surgery was booked, went to A&E, was resolved without surgery
4. Started a haemorrhage couple of days before surgery was booked, went to A&E, had a blood transfusion and emergency surgery.

So you can see I’ve had pretty much everything! If you feel you need to go through the process for closure, medical shouldn’t be worse than a really heavy period. If you just want it over, surgery can be done under general anaesthetic so you just go to sleep, and wake up when it’s done. There are some risks with all the options, but it’s your body and your experience, so it’s important that you’re supported to make the right choice for you. It’s really really important that you know how to tell when it’s going wrong and you need to go to A&E as well!

Need a thread cuddle/huddle today, another internal scan (thanks to the tilted uterus) and more bloods to check my HCG levels were continuing to decrease.
The midwife nurse was training someone in taking bloods and kept calling me mum. Which is obviously great to hear that acknowledgment that I was pregnant, but what a boot to the ovaries to hear it during a miscarriage appointment. Again that's just personal, and I can see why she did it but it gave me a big dose of the sads.

Also hearing that I have another clot to pass but that will happen at my next period "which will be a heavier flow". So now I'm worried that this period will resemble a miscarriage, and refusing to start trying again until after I've had the period in case it does resemble the clots I passed 2 weeks ago.

Bleh.

That all being said, the midwife team I saw today were so lovely and supportive, and one made a big effort to ask my husband about his mental health and checking in on him.

There are so many posts I want to reply to later, but just while I have five minutes, sending you a big hug @Tofu35, it’s lovely to have someone acknowledge your pregnancy but tough to hear.

I lost my first pregnancy at 9 weeks and my scan showed there was more blood to come with my period which I was scared about but it was actually fine when it came (on the lovely treat holiday we booked OF COURSE). But I just wanted to put your mind at ease x

@Tofu35 big hug from me too, everything crossed that it’s a word you will hear a lot more of in future in much better circumstances

Oh two sunshine posters, I'll take this as a positive sign of good things to come.

@sunandsea37 thank you for sharing your experience of a post-miscarriage period, it's good to hear it won't be as horrible as my anxious brain has invented. Although having a treat holiday would take the sting out of it (November local holidays so no bikini required!).

@sunbird24 thank you love, the midwife called again to formally discharge me and said "remember to call me again with your good news when you're pregnant!". Such a nice person.

Why is it not working it took so much of my strength to take the misoprostol and I had prepared myself for all to come. I have had 4 at 5pm and another 2 at 9pm. Nothing is happening

Unfortunately it doesn’t work for some people @UnknownFemale01
They would/should have give you advice on what to do if it didn’t work? Contact EPU?

@UnknownFemale01 with my medical I had the tablets in the morning, stayed in the hospital all day with nothing doing, then it all happened while I was at work that night. It might just take a bit longer for you than they said, and I know that sucks. Do you think you could manage some sleep and call the EPU in the morning if nothing’s happened still?

Unfortunately EPU here is mon-fri 9-5 which seems a bit ridiculous. They just said to go to A&E if bleeding really bad or pain relief not helping and that they would call me Monday. I think the nurse said if it doesn't work I would be given another course. I asked if it doesn't work can I get surgical management and she said they would ask the consultant but they might say no thank you for replying, it's comforting to know there are people here who understand. I'm going to try and get some sleep xx

@UnknownFemale01 Hi, I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through. I had medical management on Monday just gone. They kept me in, I had the first set of tablets at 7am. Then every 3 hours. It finally started kicking in at around 4/5pm. So it took a few courses to get going. They told me if the Initial course didn't work then they'd set me off again before considering surgery ( I really didn't want surgery). I'm glad I stayed in as brutal as it sounds, they then check everything you pass to make sure it's all gone plus they were good with the pain relief. How many weeks were you? I was supposed to be 11+6 but lost the baby a week or so before.
It's heartbreaking but I'm finding I'm slowly starting to feel better now the medical side of things has passed. Take care and sending you so much strength xx

Hello

So I'm on day 3 of expectant management. I was around 7 weeks. Started to bleed on Thursday afternoon. Whilst at the EPU they were ok and generally supportive but I was not presented with other options such as medical or surgery. Feels like I was given a sheet explaining what was going to happen and then sent home to manage with co-codamol. I was told I could call them for advice any time. I called yesterday to ask about ibuprophen but was advised against this and also told that letting things happen naturally is generally better for my body.
I'm going to try and hold off until Monday but I'm really not sure I can manage this it feels so traumatic. Its got heavier this morning and I've woken up in quite a bit of pain. So I'm just sitting here waiting for pain relief to kick in. I feel very out of control and I'm finding that really hard.
I'm not even saying that I would choose a different option but I feel like I should have at least been explained the options. My husband and I were both in shock so were not able to ask lots of questions.
I don't really have a question just want to put this somewhere to be read.

Hello @teateatea56 , I'm so sorry, so sorry for your loss and what you you're going through ...
it's a shame they didn't explain the options as with expectant management the irony is no one knows what to expect and everybody is so different. The reason I chose medicated for my first was so I had some control at the very least of the day I took it and where I was - had the time off and my partner could stay with me at home.i read up on what they could offer before I went in so I was super ready with which option I'd like- they were a bit taken aback and kept wanted to send me home but I knew what I wanted. Though i found medicated quite painful ...more than expectant for me....
When it happened of its own accord I found the 'not knowing' really traumatic and it went badly - I ended up in hospital anyway ready for a blood transfusion... just keep calling EPU, I mean if you're in pain and you need some kind of support I would keep calling. I get being in shock and not having the chance to ask questions- so what I did as go on the hospitals website and filter through till I found the options for MC and also look at national medical info... though I feel like everyone here is more versed on what we can do!!! . So sorry again x

So sorry to hear that @teateatea56, as you said it's difficult to ask all the questions when you're both in a state of shock. If you're finding the pain and bleeding are getting worse, you could go to a&e (that's what I did) or call your EPU and check what else they're suggesting if you're finding the pain isn't manageable with painkillers.

@claremc1983 glad to hear now the medical side is over you're starting to feel better. I found the same in week 2 although was sometimes surprised by bouts of sadness (but they passed a lot quicker than in the first week). Not saying this will happen to you! But hormones and grief are a funny combination, so be kind to yourself xx

Thank you @Tofu35 and @Doodlededum - I've not quite got to agony yet and it comes and goes so I will just hold tight for a little while.

We weren't expecting this to be the case when I went in so it was a huge shock and not something I was prepared for apart from hypothesising on the way.

@Tofu35 it's hitting me again today as I should of been 13 weeks today...it definitely comes and goes x

Big hugs @claremc1983

hi everyone, sorry that you have all found yourself on this thread. I am in the middle of a miscarriage (scan yesterday confirmed baby passed at 6 weeks but thought i was 9) what started as like a period i have for the last 3 hours been passing big clots about the size of half of my palm or perhaps bigger, the last three i didn’t see but they felt different coming out and only way i can describe is that they felt uneven?!? I was just wondering if this is normal? i can’t believe how much i am loosing but this is my first miscarriage so don’t know what to expect. Trying to get through to EPU but no luck.

forgot to mention that I have not been in that much pain, it’s just the amount of blood that is worrying me.